Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
today i can get up, go to my gandma's fridge, open it and find food there. months ago i hadn't even realized that my mother was starving me...how is that somthing i didnt notice befor now?? so for backround i guess my mamas bipolar. and the shit she put me though.. its unspeakable. and i knew it was bad. but its so scary how much of it went unnoticed by me. like, for example, how i would unconciously skip meals so that food would last longer and my sister could take luch to school. but i moved out befor my senior year in high school four months ago. i chose to go live with my grandmother instead. different state. all new people.
is it weird that it's almost harder for me now than it was then?? i keep on reliving everything and coming to all these realization. and im angery. im furious that i had to live through all of that. things like tolite paper. i should not have had to beg my mom to get out of bed so she could go buy somthing as basic as tolite paper. and there's so much pain now. so much anger inside of me. and now that im living with my grandparents.. its that much harder to live with. knowing that it wasnt normal. not being able to tell myself that thats just the way things are.
does anybody get what im saying?? idk if im making sense but its like all my excuses were taken away from me and now i have to live with that my mother was abusive. that not all mothers tell their kid it's their fault their mom is suicidal. and it hurts almost as much as the abuse itself. maybe even more so...
is it weird that it's almost harder for me now than it was then?? i keep on reliving everything and coming to all these realization. and im angery. im furious that i had to live through all of that. things like tolite paper. i should not have had to beg my mom to get out of bed so she could go buy somthing as basic as tolite paper. and there's so much pain now. so much anger inside of me. and now that im living with my grandparents.. its that much harder to live with. knowing that it wasnt normal. not being able to tell myself that thats just the way things are.
does anybody get what im saying?? idk if im making sense but its like all my excuses were taken away from me and now i have to live with that my mother was abusive. that not all mothers tell their kid it's their fault their mom is suicidal. and it hurts almost as much as the abuse itself. maybe even more so...
I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did.
No. It's NOT normal.
You're entitled to your anger.
Now, the key is to get information, get therapy, and repair yourself inside. It can be done. Now is the perfect moment.
Along the way, if you do these things, your anger will transform, probably lessen. If you do these things, you don't have to end up hating or blaming. Your mother was sick. (MY mother was sick. I've been the invisible, inconvenient daughter of a narcissist.)
Please find a counselor who understands personality disorder and family dysfunction. Then do the work.
Best thoughts and wishes to you. Take care of yourself, now that you're all grown up. (Now you can reparent yourself.)
Take care and be well.
Ilene
You did not realize how bad it was because it was all you knew. You did not know any different.
Denial, or what keeps us from knowing how horrible it was, is very useful, almost necessary if we are to survive a abusive and criminally neglectful mother. You had to survive, to keep moving, and the denial helps us do that.
The anger that comes with realizing how unfair your life has been....The memories that are coming back to you now that you are safe. It's important to find a safe way to let it out. Find someone to talk to. Please don't try to deal with it all on your own.
I'm hoping for the best for you.
It's okay,in fact it's a good thing to have some anger. Just make sure that you deal with it in the proper perspective. Hope you make an effort to seek therapy.
Wishing you all good things.
Be very thankful for your grandparents; they sound supportive and kind to you. The old saying goes you can't pick family.