Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi. Let me tell you a few things I figured out about abusive people. I am sorry if this comes across abrupt, I don't mean it to be and it may not but just in case I just wanted to clarify that I post this, only to hopefully help...
1) they will always be abusive, no matter who they are with or what happens.
2) by ignoring 1), you'll always expect to be able to reach a level of understanding with them...this never happens because the abuser is at their core, a psychopath!
3) you can NOT have a rational relationship on any level with an abuser because as follows...
4) he/she will never sincerely take responsibility for their own actions. They may be good at pretending to, but unless they say so and prove it by completely NOT being abusive then they are just lying in order to shut u up!
5) because of 4), the abuser will always blame someone else (especially the victim/survivor) or anything else (work money you name it). Abusers whole problems are based solely on the inability to take genuine responsibility. This is the core difference between those that are abusive and those that are not. None abusive people do NOT abuse because they have a conscience. This equals to an ability to genuine responsibility.
6) because of this lack of conscience, abusers fail time and time again to be able to feel empathy for someone else's suffering. This lack of feeling results in a cycle...no empathy equals no responsibility and no responsibility equals to lack of empathy.
7) because they have to learn to function on a level that corresponds with human relations, they usually learn how to mimic feelings. This is so they may have human interactions. It's hard to distinguish what is sincere and what is fake because they are usually so good at it. If they carry on being abusive or upsetting you then they have NOT changed!
1) they will always be abusive, no matter who they are with or what happens.
2) by ignoring 1), you'll always expect to be able to reach a level of understanding with them...this never happens because the abuser is at their core, a psychopath!
3) you can NOT have a rational relationship on any level with an abuser because as follows...
4) he/she will never sincerely take responsibility for their own actions. They may be good at pretending to, but unless they say so and prove it by completely NOT being abusive then they are just lying in order to shut u up!
5) because of 4), the abuser will always blame someone else (especially the victim/survivor) or anything else (work money you name it). Abusers whole problems are based solely on the inability to take genuine responsibility. This is the core difference between those that are abusive and those that are not. None abusive people do NOT abuse because they have a conscience. This equals to an ability to genuine responsibility.
6) because of this lack of conscience, abusers fail time and time again to be able to feel empathy for someone else's suffering. This lack of feeling results in a cycle...no empathy equals no responsibility and no responsibility equals to lack of empathy.
7) because they have to learn to function on a level that corresponds with human relations, they usually learn how to mimic feelings. This is so they may have human interactions. It's hard to distinguish what is sincere and what is fake because they are usually so good at it. If they carry on being abusive or upsetting you then they have NOT changed!
I think you've got a
pretty good handle.
I may have some
additional thoughts
but not the time this
morning to compose
them.
Here's just an
underscore of
something you've
written.
Don't give an abuser
"the benefit of the doubt."
Listen to your DOUBT!
It's telling you something
vitally important.
mommato2lilmonkeys
We should remember how selfish they are. Entitlement is his middle name. Almost imperceptibly selfish because the passive aggressive nature turns it back on the abused.
Your post frightens me some but maybe I already knew mine is incapable of change.
To tell you the truth I used to come on here a lot, but I deleted my old account. Some may remember me as kazb25.
Since being out and away, it gives you time to reflect. It still hurts even now and what someone has written really relates. What hurts is the knowing that the 14 we were together, it was all just a lie, all fake. I was in love with a figment of his imagination!
For myself, I have fond memories, but the reality of it is that those memories aren't real. That's the hard part.
Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my new man, couldn't have asked for a nicer person. He's lovely and I love him dearly, but it isn't about him or relationships, it's about me!
That is what abuse can do...it stays with you. I am going to post a new thread about what it has done to me...I will call it "how abuse nearky cost me my life!"
X
"How abuse nearly cost me my life!" ****
Love it! Yep! That is so true. An abuser does not take responsibility for ANYTHING in their lives. They're too afraid to look at themselves internally because their too afraid of what they'll find. I can't say for sure that they don't have a conscience. But I am sure that their insides are covered and rotted by a thick layer of FEAR. They are at their core DARTH VADER. Sick...sad...and scared!