Hi

I am new to the group and Im trying to get my head around a few things that have happened of late.

I had been in a year long relationsihp with, who I thought was the one. A really charming and funny guy, having went on holiday together, I took ill the first night with bacterial meningitis and spend 6 weeks in intensive care. Following this, everhything was rosy in the relationship, however, when i returned to work I was struggling with congitive skills, concentration and retaining new information. This brought me down and created tension between my partner and I.

He was so caring when I was ill, then, he turned on me calling me patethic, pyschopath and constantly running me down. If I quesitoned why at all I would be called ungrateful after all he did for me. Our relationship moved pretty fast at the beginning, with him doing all the chasing and saying how he waited for someone like me. Then he would constantly look at other women, in the street, online and in work (yes we worked together in a very very large organiation). I would wait a day or two to calm before I would metion it to him as the constant starring at others made me uncomfortable. I'd day to him, look we have been single a while and use to looking but can you a little discrite as I dont want to see you doing it. Then he would shout about my lack of confidnce and how his ex's never had an issue with that.

He asked me to move in which I declined, then after I returned from hospital I stayed for 8 weeks to get back on my feet and readjust at work. If I was driving he would turn on my indicators. He would ask why I couldnt put more sexier profile pictures up on facebook, or how I was embarrassing him at work as I should be more of a reflection of him. I had severe swelling in the brain and was taking time to adjust, but he just seen it as I had an infection, its not gone so get over it. He would disappear on nights out and leave me locked outside the apartment for 12 maybe more hours and when he would return he would be very verbually aggressive towards me, and then on one occassion it nearly escalated to more.

He initiated everything in our relationship, buying horses, saving for mortgages even sitting down and looking at engaement rings. He kept playing on my memoery lapses and stating that he never did any of these thing and how I lived with him for 5 months but 5 months prior i was in a coma. needless to say our relatinship ended, and even the way that was done was controlling. I got a phone call to say it was over, went to work the next day were he kept coming over to our team squeezing my shoulders and calling me pet names, taking me for luches asking me not to dare emabarrass him. We went for dinner a few times, and he was contemplating whether he made a mistake. All I wanted was my belonging, all my clothes etc., from his place. It took him 5 weeks to return my things, and even then he threw them on the apartment block stairs. My clothes, under-wear etc., werent even in bags and then he threw my half of what I paid towards the horse.

Still. not enough, he would call me and tell me what to say to my director when I had scheduled one to one meetings. He kept telling me people hated me, how I didnt have the thighs to wear gym gear, wearing too much makeup. He kept saying that it wasnt his job to look after me on holiday, my siblings came out as soon as they heard. He kept saying how dare I talk back to him after everything he did for me. I'd cry when he kept doing this, then he would scream what is wrong with me was i abused. He constantly mocked me. We went on weekends away together, i was all he wanted. so he said.  To everyone he is a charming man and all the see if me being confused and not myself these last few months and I want to scream it from the roof tops. Things got so bad, that I twice tried to end my life.

I'm left now, wondering what has gone wrong. What did I do to deserve the constant mockery, name calling and being screamed at? Was the entire relationship built on lies? To go from saving for mortgage to him now being with someone else. 

I helped him prep for his new job for a company I use to work in and when he got the role, he said that his career was going forward mine was going backword. Everytime I pull myself back together, and I think I am doing ok I hear him saying all those nasty things to me. All the bullying, name calling, agression playing over and over in my head. Its really affecting me. I dont know what to do.