Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am new here, and going through a really hard time, like most of us on here. I left my husband last week after he became physically violent with me. It was not the first time he has been violent, but it was definitely the worst. This all happened in front of our 3 month old baby. I stayed that night in our spare bedroom (locked of course) and the I took our baby and went to the police the next day and I have been staying in a hotel since then. The problem is that I am abroad (in Europe) and the laws are not the same as in the US. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to help me prepare for the charges against my husband, as well as the separation and divorce process. I am so scared though, my husband is a very manipulative person... he already went to the police to tell them that I kidnapped our baby and he put a block on us meaning we cannot leave the country without his approval. He also knows a lot of people where we are and I think he has people watching me and I am afraid he will find where we are. He already showed up at our baby's doctor appointment and caused a huge scene because he refused to let us leave.
We have been married for 3 years and I have put up with his controlling, manipulative behavior as well as his verbal and emotional abuse. He has only been physical a few times that I can count, but this was the last straw. It's no longer about me but the safety of my child as well! I feel so lost and alone... but I am trying to be strong.
We have been married for 3 years and I have put up with his controlling, manipulative behavior as well as his verbal and emotional abuse. He has only been physical a few times that I can count, but this was the last straw. It's no longer about me but the safety of my child as well! I feel so lost and alone... but I am trying to be strong.
He might harass you through the legal system, and so long you fight him, he will keep going. But when you reach an agreement, and he realises you're not going back to him and not playing his game anymore, he'll more likely than not leave you alone.
So in a nut shell, find out your rights and obligations, his rights and obligations. You have a child together and likely to be in each others lives until at least until the child reaches adulthood, and unless he leaves, you are likely to coparent with him. Forget moral justice, because as far as legal system is concerned, it's law, not morals that you play by. Do not deny his right to access to the child, and yet take caution he doesn't abduct the child, because if you deny his right to access, you'll be opening a tin of worms first yourself. This is a cold blooded calculated game, and when you get overwhelmed or unsure seek support.
Which country are you in?
If your child is a us citizen, are you completely sure you are prohibited to go back to the us? You would be going back to the home country, and not running away, which makes a vast difference. Research that and everything else you are told. Don't take anyone's word for it. They know you're a foreigner, not saying they'll screw you, just trust nobody if that makes any sense. Find women in your area who have experience with what you're going through.
Middle east....girl, they no respect for women whatsoever, especially once the child is born, forget about it. I know, I had my first kiddo with a Malaysian. They are master manipulators, must be a cultural thing. And political correctness gone mad, the officials can be terrified of being accused of racism depending on a country you're in.
As far as restraining orders are concerned, they're not worth the paper they're written on, but it can add weight if it goes to court which for your own sanity I hope it won't. If your H chooses to harass you, there are ways of doing it without breaking the law, which is even more the reason to reach an agreement as amicably as possible. Don't let him push you around, but try not to escalate it either. It's about finding the right balance.
Use what you have against him if it comes to it. Even better if you have proof.
Family matters are a messy business, but it will settle down. It's very tough now, but it won't be like that forever. Let them investigate you all they like, it's their job to follow procedures, nothing personal. So long you cooperate and act reasonable, you'll be in a better position to stand up for you and your child, and gain the officials' support. As far as child abduction is concerned, what you're saying sound like a very legitimate concern, so fight tooth and nail for supervised access. Do you have someone reliable to supervise?
Let the legal people know you are in fear of your safety, especially that he has threatened you.
It's a very hard time for you, in a foreign country with a 3 month old baby. Do you have anyone to lean for support where you are?
Today I have an appointment with a lawyer who specializes in domestic violence cases and they are very competent and well known, so I am hoping they will take my case. They also provide counseling and coaching for victims, and I know I will need some psychological support along the way.
Practice selfcare! And be careful of safety. Good luck!
One thing, you did not ruin your child's life by leaving your H. In fact, you're doing your daughter a huge favour by not going back to him. Let his comments go over your head, there'll be many more before he gets the message that it's over. And he will soon get he message. In the meantime remember to rest lots, and mind yourself. Going for a bit of counseling wouldn't do any harm either.
Lot's of support here.