Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello, I have finally been able to join this site. I've been glued to it for the last 2 weeks and must say it is the most helpful to me. I joined another site about loving a narcissist, but things are hitting and clicking here more. I have been on a long journey for about 2 years now. Prior to that, I NEVER heard the words codependent or narcissist. I broke up with my son's father over 14 years ago (he disappeared while I was pregnant) (rather he cheated while I was pregnant. I moved on and he left the state). He totally abandoned me and my child. Fast forward -- for 12 years, I suppressed my feelings and emotions as best I could. I never let another man look or touch me during that time. 2 years ago, he shows up. How in the world I started a relationship with him, beats me, but we did. My world has been rocked! I found so many cheating materials with different women (pictures, emails and even videos). I have supported him financially to the point, I started to feel he was my grown son. I have been dismissed, mistreated and blamed. I started going to therapy and read the book Codependent No More. My oh my, how the flood gates have opened! The veil is off and I see the real him. I know he will never/can't love me the way I want/need. I have not slept with this man since April. I am so tired of this game. On Christmas, I went into such a rage, it scared me. I said things, I wouldn't even dream of ever saying to someone. He never has anything for my son. The rage felt good while I was unleashing, but the GUILT I felt after was unbelievable. On New Year's Eve, he came over. He was taking a plane to his country for vacation. He wanted to talk and I agreed, because this is the perfect opportunity to clear up my rage and take away my guilt. He told me how much he still loves me and really wants to get married. When he gets back, we have to talk and he is going to call me everyday for the 3 weeks he is gone. He has completely dismissed me. and I had a meltdown and turned into this nervous, desperate woman, waiting for him to breathe life in me. He finally called on Friday, but I refused to answer. This has got to stop and I am powerless over him. He called about 6 times, before texting. He wants me to send him money. OMG!!! There he is again showing his face. I know exactly what he is and I deserve better. In fact, I don't even think he is my type anymore. I am so tired of this. I journal every night. I read. I find support groups like this. I am more than willing to do the work. Someone please tell me, why am I here obsessing and crying my eyes out? Why does he have such a hold on me? I'm desperate for anything that can trigger something that just "clicks" in me, to make me move on. I have questions about the recovery and only people who are/have actually gone through it can answer. Please tell me are there success stories or is it a constant battle? Have people been able to move on and have successful relationships? Do you ever get to take your power back from your abuser? I was so hopeful the last few days, now I'm right back to doubtful. Also, I insured his car for him. He will be back next week. The only thing I want are the plates and I want to turn the title back over to him. I don't want to get sucked into his nonsense. Any suggestions on how I should handle it? Thanks so much! I'm so glad to know, I'm not crazy! :-) Respectfully submitted with lots of HUGS!!!
Also, consider getting counselling for yourself to deal with the aftermath of his treatment of you, and to help build your self-esteem and self-worth so that you never accept less than respectful treatment again. And in the meantime, take good care of yourself - remember you are worth it.
Use the rest of the time that he is gone to nurture yourself. Keep journaling and reading. Notice how you feel when he is not around, compared to how you feel when he is around or when he calls/texts. And DON'T send him money! You found cheating evidence and you've already supported him financially to the point you feel as though he's another child. Don't feel guilty about setting healthy boundaries (i.e. not sending money).
Understanding is a great thing!
knowledge is power
don't doubt yourself stay strong get him out of your life tell him you don't love him .... move if you have to and cancel his car insurance just give him a few days notice its not your job to support someone who walked out on you and your child
There's some old posts on here...maybe a month ago about why we have a hard time disconnecting. Getting tired so can't think well but there is a name for that very reason, beyond Stockholm syndrome.
Know your truths. Don't waver on your truths. Financially disconnect from him as best you can.
You strike me as intelligent and motivated. With your newfound knowledge I think your radar will pick up unhealthy people much easier!!
I would like to suggest that you say you are powerless but might it be more accurate to say you FEEL powerless? Your knowledge is power!
Welcome! You CAN do this!
Livndadrem you hit the nail on the head I realized through therapy that I have very low self-esteem. I also came to the conclusion that I am loaded with fear. Fear of the unknown. Every day, I try to knock one down. I am working on it and I guess I am getting strength from it.
Daydreamer73, I was so in love with this man, but I know now, I was in love with the dream/the fantasy. Last week, I made a vow and let go of that dream. My biggest fear ever was to totally give up on us. I am ready to face it. Thanks so much
Godismyhonor I have never heard of Stockholm Syndrome. I have been reading on it and you may be right. I will explore it in my therapy session this week. I will have to figure a way to break that cycle. You're absolutely right about the powerless statement. I am not powerless over him. I just felt powerless at the time. I thank you so much for that. I have power! Always have. I just have to take it back.
Everyone I will keep reading, learning, shielding and most of all, healing. I am here for the long haul. I guess there is no quick fix. I have to take my time and let it flow. You have a new friend and hopefully I can contribute by encouraging and helping others as well.
Oh and I'm also reading Joyce meyer's Beauty for Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing. It takes you places in yourself.
I hope that helps.
I can only speak from my own experience, that it is a constant battle, I find that writing the DS journal on here is really helping. Somehow reading back on what you have experienced, to see it there in writing makes it real somehow. I feel that somehow I lived in suspended reality with my narc, seeing it written down makes me see it objectively and see it for what it is : abuse.
I'm glad you find this site helpful, I have so far found it invaluable, I'm new here too and found women who seem to have dated my ex partner. When you read more about the narcs they are pretty much textbook, it does help to know this though it is still hard to believe anyone is so pure nasty and evil.
I would recommend to keep journaling your feelings and how you feel daily, what happens, what he says, keep talking to people on here and most of all take good care of yourself from this day forward. I beat myself up for all the chances I gave, the forgiveness time and time again but this is a new day and tomorrow is a new day so just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Sending love x
x
Welcome. I am brand new here and to all these realizations too. The one thing everyone keeps telling me is that recognizing the issue is the first and most important step. And in my humble opinion, in my case anyway, I feel like they have power over you when you have lost touch with yourself and sacrificed to the point of neglecting YOU. You are right, you are powerless over him..and everyone else. But you have the ability to be in control of YOU. Best wishes and many many Hugs. I share your hope that we can get better.