Sometimes the best view of someone else is in your rear view mirror.

I think you are doing the right thing. You can't kill a Narcissist without becoming one yourself; but you can make them irrelevant.

I agree Tigertales. This up and down and in and out of my life behavior he shows has done nothing for me but keep me confused, always questioning myself about things and just more depressed lingering on it.
I am not sure if he is a Narcissist as I was never around him long enough at a time to judge that. I am sure though that between his medical issues, his addictions and his overall attitude towards other people, lack of respect and the need to control them while in thier life..well these are not healthy things for me to be around.
I do feel for him, but he chooses to do illegal drugs and to take pills that are not for him.
We all have issues in life and can't just numb ourself while pushing/pulling others away.

Look up the term "gaslighting" and see if that rings any bells.

If you were raised in a home where you were always made to feel inferior...or to never trust you own judgment...then just about anyone raised in this fashion can fall prey to gaslighting.

Indecisiveness is a big indicator of a problem and it's here, in these kinds of situations, that decisiveness is what gets their attention and gets you or I out of a bad situation with someone who...arguably...has a personality disorder or psychopathy.

Thank you Tigertales. Your dead on about being raised in that type of atmosphere. My dad was an alcoholic and the world pretty much revolved around him. I always thought there is no way I would put up with this from a man and yet most of my relationships have been either with alcoholics or addicts.

I do get lonely, but I have learned that in a relationship with either of these types, your basically alone anyway.

You are less than alone.

Every time you get an ounce of confidence, they'll come in and rob you of that...and then some.

Just as we must "buy the truth and sell it not"; we likewise cannot grow something for ourselves and give it all away.

Just like there are predators in nature; there are also predators in human nature as well. We are not that far removed from the jungle, if you think about it.

I was thinking on my drive into work this morning that...just a hundred and fifty years ago, our country was divided by Civil War. Had someone from the outside been strong and powerful enough, we would have fallen during those times. A hundred and fifty years is not that long ago.

He probably grew up in an emotional jungle of his own. The only difference is...he mastered the jungle, so to speak.

A long time ago after one of the first times we broke up I did a search and found an incredible piece written on why you can't be friends with your ex. It was in regards to ex's who were abusers. The gist of it was that just because you change the title of the relationship, it doesn't change the relationship. In other words, abusers remain abusers. And when you stop and think about it, why would you want to be friends with someone who abused you? Attempting to be their "friend" after you have been abused by them, imo just sets you up to be used and hurt some more.
I'm glad that you have decided to opt out of that nonfriendship.
If you let them, your ex abuser, they will use you for sex, under the guise of "friendship." But only the abuser will benefit. you will be left feeling lousy and have you self esteem shattered again.
I'm going to look for that piece and will post it here tomorrow. It helped me so much to understand that when it involves abusive exes, you can not be "friends."
you don't have to allow him to continue to pop in and out of your life. You don't have to answer the phone when he calls. You don't need to justfy your reasons for not answering them to him.
Why would you even consider spending any more of your precious time, on someone who did not respect you and that is not going to change just because he says he wants to be "friends."

Starve the narcissist, feed yourself. If he isn't going out of his way to talk to you, to spend time with you, he's just not worthwhile. YOu deserve better, hon. Hugs to you...

Thanks for the advice and support. I do not plan to take his calls or texts. Hoping to stay strong.

Ok I found the piece I was telling you about. It's by Annie Kaszina. It's called When You Can't Just Be Friends With Your Ex. if you google her name followed by the full title of her article you will find it and info about her website.
Here is one of her quotes from her article:
"So here is the bald ugly fact: when your relationship with someone who made you feel bad about yourself ends, changing the name of the relationship and continuing won't leave you feeling any better about yourself."
And she says:
" ...but here's the thing you weren't friends in the first place."

Thanks for the information on Annie Kaszina, Learned. I read a few articles by her and she is pretty straightforward.
I think it is ingrained in me to resolve conflicts and be a people pleaser as I did this within my own family since I was a young girl. When you live with an alcoholic, especially a parental figure, you learn quickly how to defuse any potential bombs and how to work even harder to be the child that pleases.
Unfortuntately it is never enough and you get into a pattern of this behavior in all of your relationships. It is very self destructive. I can see it but can't seem to break the pattern.

Keep reminding yourself that you are "people" too. I think most of us have been people pleasers and conflict resolvers for a very long time. The key is not to stop pleasing people, but to recognise that your own needs and happiness are every bit as important as those of "others".

Thanks Livndadrem, I have lost myself. Appreciate the support.