Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl:
Since I divorced, Ive met people in real-life situations and spent 31 months on a couple well-known dating sites. On October 16, 2010, I met a man on one of those sites. We went out for pizza within a week, and began a relationship.
It felt good. It looked good. It seemed natural. It proceeded forward. I had fun and was also hopeful that there could be a future. He fed that vision.
Very early on, I began noticing things, things that I knew werent great, werent even good. . . . things that could be considered possible indicators of trouble. The things I noticed were subtle at first. They were barely noticeable between the good times we were having.
The subtle things grew subtly. We kept having good times. He kept feeding the vision of a future together.
In September, eleven months into our relationship, he did some stuff I REALLY didnt like. But wed made it most of a year. Wed met each others friends and family. He kept feeding the vision of a future together.
(Nevertheless, Id begun the Clarifying Index Card exercise.)
Two Saturdays ago, at a party at his house where I was helping, (not the first party at which I'd been helping), he said and did some things that I SERIOUSLY didnt like.
A few days after that, he said that for three months hed decided he saw no future together but had been telling you what I thought youd want to hear.
He said that he thought I was great and would love to keep seeing me until he sold his house and left town to move two thousand miles to live near his daughter. I told him that he knew I was in this for a committed relationship. I wasnt with him for a couple fun Saturday nights.
So ---- thats that ---- (basically, a year, full circle).
Ive had the typical achey-breaky heart, over this. Wed seemed to be on track for something of value.
But if Im completely honest with myself and you ---- I saw the signs along the way. Id been recording them on index cards. Id been trying to ignore them, saying that he seemed trainable, despite what I was documenting.
Thats the story, pretty much.
I learned a bunch about myself. I learned that as independent as I am in general, I really do have a vision. I was hoping to see that vision materialize and to make that happen, so I didnt confront what I knew intellectually.
Im disappointed that my year with this guy has turned out to be a dead-end. I spent a couple days in emotional pain.
Ill recover.
Wolf's Daily Howl:
Since I divorced, Ive met people in real-life situations and spent 31 months on a couple well-known dating sites. On October 16, 2010, I met a man on one of those sites. We went out for pizza within a week, and began a relationship.
It felt good. It looked good. It seemed natural. It proceeded forward. I had fun and was also hopeful that there could be a future. He fed that vision.
Very early on, I began noticing things, things that I knew werent great, werent even good. . . . things that could be considered possible indicators of trouble. The things I noticed were subtle at first. They were barely noticeable between the good times we were having.
The subtle things grew subtly. We kept having good times. He kept feeding the vision of a future together.
In September, eleven months into our relationship, he did some stuff I REALLY didnt like. But wed made it most of a year. Wed met each others friends and family. He kept feeding the vision of a future together.
(Nevertheless, Id begun the Clarifying Index Card exercise.)
Two Saturdays ago, at a party at his house where I was helping, (not the first party at which I'd been helping), he said and did some things that I SERIOUSLY didnt like.
A few days after that, he said that for three months hed decided he saw no future together but had been telling you what I thought youd want to hear.
He said that he thought I was great and would love to keep seeing me until he sold his house and left town to move two thousand miles to live near his daughter. I told him that he knew I was in this for a committed relationship. I wasnt with him for a couple fun Saturday nights.
So ---- thats that ---- (basically, a year, full circle).
Ive had the typical achey-breaky heart, over this. Wed seemed to be on track for something of value.
But if Im completely honest with myself and you ---- I saw the signs along the way. Id been recording them on index cards. Id been trying to ignore them, saying that he seemed trainable, despite what I was documenting.
Thats the story, pretty much.
I learned a bunch about myself. I learned that as independent as I am in general, I really do have a vision. I was hoping to see that vision materialize and to make that happen, so I didnt confront what I knew intellectually.
Im disappointed that my year with this guy has turned out to be a dead-end. I spent a couple days in emotional pain.
Ill recover.
If it is I'm sorry for your loss, always know you are a wonderful person who will definitley meet a good man.
I wanted to add that when I said "trainable,"
I was hoping that he was someone who'd
care about how his partner felt and not have
injurious behavior patterns so deeply ingrained
that he would be stuck in a really bad trajectory.
I was hoping that the good stuff outweighed
the other stuff. Sadly, it didn't. And hindsight
is very clear.
I stopped at his house today, where he'd put
all my overnight stuff in a couple plastics bags
and left them on his patio. I thought the trip
would be painful, but a few hours later, I barely
feel it. I've been exhaling the whole thing all
day. Very soon, there'll be nothing left ot exhale.
Feeling better and better.
For the record, the exercise I developed to help
me past my marriage has helped me again. I
hadn't started writing the cards on this one for
maybe the first half a year. But then I did, just
because I'd have told someone else to do it.
So I did. Now, I'm really glad. It's helped me
remember some of the bits and pieces I would
have forgotten by now. But, like a jigsaw puzzle's
many little pieces. . . . the bits and pieces, however
small, help complete the whole picture.
Anyway, thank you all for your support, after I
posted yesterday. It means the world to me.
I don't know if I'll have anyone in my life, but
I know that I won't settle for less than healthy
and wonderful. Thanks, everyone, for your
kind words and loving thoughts.
Much love.
And yet, the brain has an "incline" that's something's awry, but the heart grows fonder and fonder, and it's easy to "overlook" more than normally we would. It happens to us all, and is part of the learning curve. So, I'm glad you got one step closer, and did enjoy some of the good things, but I'm even happier, that you discovered this, before the day he left! That would have sucked even more, and harder.
I think it's good that you made it clear, that you were not going to be his "temporary" girlfriend, until he leaves, knowing full well, he didn't intend to maintain a relationship! Cowardice sure shone thru on his part, along with selfishness, and deceitfulness. So, in reality, don't be too hard on yourself. Any of us could have fallen for this dude who told you things "you wanted to hear". Let's see how that works for him in the future.
I think it took a lot of hutspah, and integrity, to dump his sorry ass! What did he think, you'd be desperate to spend every last minute with him???? Duh!!! He found out, he wasn't "all that", and that his ways, were clearly not acceptable, or healthy! I'm very proud of you, as many would be tempted to let the relationship live out his duration here! Screw that!
You can walk away, with your head held up high, dignity, in tact, and know that at least you were honest, but this dude simply was not capable, willing, or able to participate in a healthy relationship! Again, we'll see how well that works out for him! What an immature, selfish jerk!
I really appreciate what
you wrote for me.
And all, who've written me.
Thank you, so much.
I'm on the road back to
better.
Yes. Sadly, as "good" as
he looked for most of our
time together, he fell FAR
SHORT of the standard
I'm looking for, and deserve
to have in my life.
Again, thank you all!
I'm sorry you had to go through that and am glad you're doing better - you are one of the rocks here...experience keeps coming I guess.