Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I left my husband yesterday. My parents, brother and some friends came and helped me pack up and go, out of state, with the kids. One of my kids, "daddy's girl," cried when she was taken out of scool. And then her only concern was whether or not her father would be joining us. The whole trip she was asking after him.
I have taken my babies from a house they enjoyed, with enough fenced in yard to play in, a roomy sunroom, a fireplace, and school bus picking them up and dropping them off literally in our driveway. An elementary school the little ones also enjoyed and were doing exceptionally in, with two of them in gifted programs and all three consistently making the principal's list, with good friends, and really excellent teachers. My high schooler having a ball at a really good school, making great grades, and enjoying her individuality. And a father who they love, who may not have been the best but they loved him.
I am in my mother's house, leaning toward home schooling because the kids tend to get sick and miss days of school repeatedly, and plus I don't like the schools my mom's house is zoned for, and my health isn't the best for having to drive them there and pick them up every day should I choose better schools farther away.
My husband was livid. He blew up my phone and my mom's all last night and then called me this morning. He asked me if I really took his kids out of state without his permission. I wonder if he will try to press charges or get me for kidnapping, although I was informed through legal counsel that leaving the way I did may be the best way, since he was verbally/emotionally/mentally abusive and abusers tend to get worse when you try to tell them you are leaving.
We could not really talk when he called but I did want him to know we were ok. But because the kids were right in my face I chose not to say a whole lot. And as far as they are concerned, they don't know the half of what I have been through, and being kids, they don't really remember some of the things he had done to them. He is supposed to call me back.
I did not ever file a complaint against him in the 14 years we have been married, so I realize his abuse would be difficult to prove. And would it look like I just made up something to justify leaving? He already has implied over the years that I was crazy - do I look crazy for this move?
I am feeling exhausted from the drive and sad about everything in general, but here I thought emotionally I would feel free. I did not think that once I left I would feel so sad, because all I wanted to do was be free of what was hurting me so badly. I just want to do the right thing, and I wonder if I did.
I have taken my babies from a house they enjoyed, with enough fenced in yard to play in, a roomy sunroom, a fireplace, and school bus picking them up and dropping them off literally in our driveway. An elementary school the little ones also enjoyed and were doing exceptionally in, with two of them in gifted programs and all three consistently making the principal's list, with good friends, and really excellent teachers. My high schooler having a ball at a really good school, making great grades, and enjoying her individuality. And a father who they love, who may not have been the best but they loved him.
I am in my mother's house, leaning toward home schooling because the kids tend to get sick and miss days of school repeatedly, and plus I don't like the schools my mom's house is zoned for, and my health isn't the best for having to drive them there and pick them up every day should I choose better schools farther away.
My husband was livid. He blew up my phone and my mom's all last night and then called me this morning. He asked me if I really took his kids out of state without his permission. I wonder if he will try to press charges or get me for kidnapping, although I was informed through legal counsel that leaving the way I did may be the best way, since he was verbally/emotionally/mentally abusive and abusers tend to get worse when you try to tell them you are leaving.
We could not really talk when he called but I did want him to know we were ok. But because the kids were right in my face I chose not to say a whole lot. And as far as they are concerned, they don't know the half of what I have been through, and being kids, they don't really remember some of the things he had done to them. He is supposed to call me back.
I did not ever file a complaint against him in the 14 years we have been married, so I realize his abuse would be difficult to prove. And would it look like I just made up something to justify leaving? He already has implied over the years that I was crazy - do I look crazy for this move?
I am feeling exhausted from the drive and sad about everything in general, but here I thought emotionally I would feel free. I did not think that once I left I would feel so sad, because all I wanted to do was be free of what was hurting me so badly. I just want to do the right thing, and I wonder if I did.
I understand that it's
really, really hard.
And it's not at all surprising
that you feel sad.
Now that you're not under
the same roof, I urge you
to do an exercise I developed
for myself, when I was in the
process of leaving. I'll bump
it after I've posted. It's Ilene's
Clarifying Index Card exercise.
It will do several things:
One is, that it will document
for both yourself and the courts,
every incident of abuse.
Two is that it will help to
remind you and make
clear for you in the moments
of self-doubt that inevitably
follow. . . . why you left.
It does other things too,
but right now, those are
the two most important.
Hon. . . . you've done the
right thing. Wherever it is
you've landed, get yourself
connected with the nearest
women's center. They will
help you.
And every moment of
every day, practice
SELF-CARE.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
One thing I am wondering about is if it would have been possible for you to have moved someone in the same school district where your kids went to school so they could have continued there and still been able to have the same schedule and routine and not had such an extreme and abrupt change in their whole lives? I mean if it just wasn't finacially feasible then you didn't have a choice or if he was extremely physically violent then putting that much distance between you and him and the kids was necessary.
Idk but I tend to think allowing the kids to go to school and not home school may be better for them because they could make new friends and maintain some social interactions. I think that is really important for them.
Whatever you decide, leaving an abuser, is always in the best interest of your children. Always without question. The road ahead is going to be difficult but eventually things will smooth out and you will really feel your freedom. Right now though you are just beginning the climb to the top of the mountain of freedom.
You will make it to the top.