Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am pretty upset right now. I know what you friends are going to say and I guess just maybe I need to hear it again.
If you don't know.... quick history...I was married to my childhood sweetheart for 23 years. Two kids: 21 & 19. Wonderful marriage and wonderful life together until three years ago. His prescription drug abuse and alcoholism bubbled over into an emotionally abusive monster and I left him and I took our daughter. I moved across the Pacific back to Seattle to be near family.
One year later, we legally separated. Another year later, we divorced. Now, another year has passed and he came to see me last week-end. He was withdrawing from all the pills and he drank his entire waking hours. My daughter spent a half hour with him and couldn't take anymore. I put up with him. I held him while he cried. I am ashamed to say that I had sex with him. He said to me, "This is heaven right now even though you are so fat now." I only heard Heaven.
My daughter said to me later, "I had a very good Daddy. But I haven't had a Dad in a long time and I don't need one anymore."
I told him that he could move back in with me and we could try again. I told him that I would stay with him because of what he meant to me and that I loved him still. I asked him if he was considering my offer. He said no. As he was leaving he said maybe. I see this so clearly. He wants to keep the offer on the table.
The man who is being charged with assaulting my daughter last year has filed a motion for her to be forced to give a defense interview. She can't seem to kick this guy. He is still controlling her! (Sound familiar?)
I don't want men to control my daughter and I anymore. I want it to end. I feel sick inside today. I feel sick and now I feel fat. I regret the entire week-end and the way he made me feel about myself and my life. I am just really very sad and I am very lost and scared. I want to give my daughter a much better example. I have to. She is the most important thing to me right now. (My son is doing well in college)
Things he said this week-end that i need to get off my heart...
"I looked in your refridgerator and all you have is fat. Protein and fat, fat, fat."
"Your apartment is really clean and uncluttered. Really clean. Huh. I am surprised."
"This is a nice apartment. It should be. I pay enough for it. I guess it is really mine." (alimony payments - he thinks everything mine is his)
"If our daughter doesn't answer her phone I am not going to pay her phone bill anymore" (he doesn't - i do)
"If she isn't going to hang out with us, I am not paying her rent anymore." (he doesn't - i do)
I know I am asking for the advice again. I know what you will say. I just ask you to please say it again. I need to hear it again.
If you don't know.... quick history...I was married to my childhood sweetheart for 23 years. Two kids: 21 & 19. Wonderful marriage and wonderful life together until three years ago. His prescription drug abuse and alcoholism bubbled over into an emotionally abusive monster and I left him and I took our daughter. I moved across the Pacific back to Seattle to be near family.
One year later, we legally separated. Another year later, we divorced. Now, another year has passed and he came to see me last week-end. He was withdrawing from all the pills and he drank his entire waking hours. My daughter spent a half hour with him and couldn't take anymore. I put up with him. I held him while he cried. I am ashamed to say that I had sex with him. He said to me, "This is heaven right now even though you are so fat now." I only heard Heaven.
My daughter said to me later, "I had a very good Daddy. But I haven't had a Dad in a long time and I don't need one anymore."
I told him that he could move back in with me and we could try again. I told him that I would stay with him because of what he meant to me and that I loved him still. I asked him if he was considering my offer. He said no. As he was leaving he said maybe. I see this so clearly. He wants to keep the offer on the table.
The man who is being charged with assaulting my daughter last year has filed a motion for her to be forced to give a defense interview. She can't seem to kick this guy. He is still controlling her! (Sound familiar?)
I don't want men to control my daughter and I anymore. I want it to end. I feel sick inside today. I feel sick and now I feel fat. I regret the entire week-end and the way he made me feel about myself and my life. I am just really very sad and I am very lost and scared. I want to give my daughter a much better example. I have to. She is the most important thing to me right now. (My son is doing well in college)
Things he said this week-end that i need to get off my heart...
"I looked in your refridgerator and all you have is fat. Protein and fat, fat, fat."
"Your apartment is really clean and uncluttered. Really clean. Huh. I am surprised."
"This is a nice apartment. It should be. I pay enough for it. I guess it is really mine." (alimony payments - he thinks everything mine is his)
"If our daughter doesn't answer her phone I am not going to pay her phone bill anymore" (he doesn't - i do)
"If she isn't going to hang out with us, I am not paying her rent anymore." (he doesn't - i do)
I know I am asking for the advice again. I know what you will say. I just ask you to please say it again. I need to hear it again.
*I* am not a good mother. I am a good mother. AND a freaking good father. I am everything to this girl and to my 21 yr old baby boy. He doesn't know what kind of toilet paper to buy. Grr. My job isn't done.
It is SO much easier to parent without the constant criticism. I keep thinking about things he said. "Yeah, the heels are cute. Much better than the orthopedic shoes you usually wear" REALLY? I am a project coordinator for a natural gas company. I work in trenches. I wear boots. OMG.
I just feel over it. I feel like something has shifted and it ain't shifting back. 3+ days...
You strong very strong talking about your motherhood, good for you. You know and those kids know the truth.
I like that Who says? I actually have used that a lot (CBT method to overcome the litany of shoulds) Who says I should have the bed made every day before I go to work, who's going to know? Who says I should tackle everything on my to-do list for today or my effort's not good enough, the only person who would say that to me is me.......and so on. When I start to think about the fact that I'M the one who is holding myself to these ridiculous standards, and there is no nameless committee judging me on things, I start to see how both ridiculous and injurious this harsh judgment is, and that I'm responsible for doing it to myself. Of course, these judgments originated from HIM and eventually took on my voice in my head, but never-the-less I was the one continuing to play them. I won't play those tapes anymore.