Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I had such an emotional weekend and need to ramble. After an average of 4 hours of tears per day the last few days, I realized how much I'm still allowing his abuse to continue.
My abuser almost exclusively used withholding, making you wait, seeing if you would, and if you asked for something doing the exact opposite as his method of control. The only times he was ever out of control mean or verbally nasty were the times he pushed me out of control and to hysterics, which still allowed him to be the good guy who had no choice while dealing with the crazy woman.
What I felt the entire marriage was an option at his convenience, last on the list, not important, and only good enough when he had the time to get around to me.
If you ask for a call, he won't or will wait 5 more hours before calling. If you ask to be friends on facebook, he'll specifically block you. If you ask if he loves you, he'll absolutely refuse to say it.
Some days, I wish there was a honeymoon period happening, even if I was ignoring it because this is the same as the abuse. He will never try to contact me because it's what I really want. He will make me wait on money until I break down desperate for it because it's what I need.
I'm hoping my tears and writing this out will help me process this and begin to move on. I know I'm still letting him control me while he's off having a good time.
On a side note, I was told last night that he went to the mosque crying, told them his wife had been drinking, was hysterical and just a crazy woman and had called the police on him.
At least this gave me some anger instead of just the saddness and hurt. At least anger is motivating. And I am glad someone who heard he did this stood up for me at the gossip and said he drinks and parties all the time, if she did anything it was only in reaction, and he called the police on her and was arrested after the police talked to her son.
I'm thankful to my good friends and the group here. It helps so much to let it all out in a safe place.
My abuser almost exclusively used withholding, making you wait, seeing if you would, and if you asked for something doing the exact opposite as his method of control. The only times he was ever out of control mean or verbally nasty were the times he pushed me out of control and to hysterics, which still allowed him to be the good guy who had no choice while dealing with the crazy woman.
What I felt the entire marriage was an option at his convenience, last on the list, not important, and only good enough when he had the time to get around to me.
If you ask for a call, he won't or will wait 5 more hours before calling. If you ask to be friends on facebook, he'll specifically block you. If you ask if he loves you, he'll absolutely refuse to say it.
Some days, I wish there was a honeymoon period happening, even if I was ignoring it because this is the same as the abuse. He will never try to contact me because it's what I really want. He will make me wait on money until I break down desperate for it because it's what I need.
I'm hoping my tears and writing this out will help me process this and begin to move on. I know I'm still letting him control me while he's off having a good time.
On a side note, I was told last night that he went to the mosque crying, told them his wife had been drinking, was hysterical and just a crazy woman and had called the police on him.
At least this gave me some anger instead of just the saddness and hurt. At least anger is motivating. And I am glad someone who heard he did this stood up for me at the gossip and said he drinks and parties all the time, if she did anything it was only in reaction, and he called the police on her and was arrested after the police talked to her son.
I'm thankful to my good friends and the group here. It helps so much to let it all out in a safe place.
Stay stuck together.
love n hugs
x
p.s i think people who mess with other peoples heads to make them (appear) nutty are usually crazy themselves
But, as much as it makes me sad and sometimes feel really worthless that he could turn his back on me so easily and apparently happily, I really do think it's better this way. At least I don't have to worry so much about whether I did the right thing, whether he really has changed (he says he has, but that's just bollocks as always), I don't have to feel "guilty" about hurting him or rejecting him.
I understand the pain, I understand the wish, but do keep up no contact, do try to focus on other things, and do look after yourself.