Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I despise the mind games.
I hate how one minute he can be so normal, even borderline brass and matter of fact and the next like he is the "victim". (This must be today's theme as I saw it in a couple other posts on here today, where abusers play the victim).
This morning:
He comes and lays next to me and says: "I love you so much"
Me: I don't respond
Him: I am so comfortable with you
Me: I don't respond
Him: Are you even going to miss me when I am not here
Me: Yes. (I could kick myself for even responding but I was being honest)
Him: Then why are you doing this?
Me: I don't respond
Then he gets up and gets ready for work acting as if nothing ever happened. Then when he leaves he kisses me, I just peck him back and he says "you could give me a better kiss then that". (He has told me this same thing a few weeks ago but added "We have been together for 20 years, doesn't that mean anything".
I still see through him because I am trying to keep my head clear and know that if he really meant it he would have done these things during the 2 weeks we were back together but instead he tried to determine why I was the way I was.
However...... So what did this do to me? Let's see.......
Feeling like the most horrible bitch ever to live. I really really hate how I seem like the bad guy in all this. =( But I am still praying and staying strong.
Praying I get through this weekend and past Monday without panicking.
I hate how one minute he can be so normal, even borderline brass and matter of fact and the next like he is the "victim". (This must be today's theme as I saw it in a couple other posts on here today, where abusers play the victim).
This morning:
He comes and lays next to me and says: "I love you so much"
Me: I don't respond
Him: I am so comfortable with you
Me: I don't respond
Him: Are you even going to miss me when I am not here
Me: Yes. (I could kick myself for even responding but I was being honest)
Him: Then why are you doing this?
Me: I don't respond
Then he gets up and gets ready for work acting as if nothing ever happened. Then when he leaves he kisses me, I just peck him back and he says "you could give me a better kiss then that". (He has told me this same thing a few weeks ago but added "We have been together for 20 years, doesn't that mean anything".
I still see through him because I am trying to keep my head clear and know that if he really meant it he would have done these things during the 2 weeks we were back together but instead he tried to determine why I was the way I was.
However...... So what did this do to me? Let's see.......
Feeling like the most horrible bitch ever to live. I really really hate how I seem like the bad guy in all this. =( But I am still praying and staying strong.
Praying I get through this weekend and past Monday without panicking.
I can't be cold and heartless, number one, that is just not me, number two what good would that do? Just make me look like a bigger bitch to everyone else, more then I already do being "I'm breaking up the marriage".
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Trying to stay strong.
I've set myself the goals that none of this is going to make me less than I was.
I am a loving person - I'm going to gain a love for myself.
I am a giving person - I'm going to gain control of what I choose to give.
I am an honest person - I'm going to gain wisdom about how to better communicate honestly.
I will not stop being gentle, or kind, or honest, or expressive - even if it would make this nightmare so much easier to deal with. To be the kind of person who just doesn't care. I wouldn't be me then. My job is to grow, not shrink.