I guess noone cares about this it scares me to death.because I know there is something wrong with me and that is why I have never posted in here.oh this is a stupid question Im sorry I wasted your time.

Its not a stupid ? at all. It happens. We love them but its also that even tho they beat us or scream at us it becomes the only thing we know and for some of us even this is better than the unknown of being alone. Hope that makes sense

It does sometimes I feel tha Im going crazy.

This is not a stupid question, and frankly, this is why most women stay so long with their abusers. The problem is that the abuse typically gets worse and not better and you keep believing that he will/can change. You are not alone in this.

This is completely how it feels.

-Completely.

I understand where you are coming from. Because we miss the 'good' they give us. We miss those moments we look back on- and that's what makes us want to stay.

Sometimes- I think I would have stayed because I'm a financial mess right now- moving out and leaving so much. Having just paid the bills to start new bills-- it's scary, and it's stressful. (Why would we willingly enter into such a thing? )

This is exactly what I'm feeling.

They say that abusive relationships are the most emotionally intense of all relationships. It's because of the intensity of the highs and lows that we can be manipulated to stay through the lows in the hopes of the highs. I hope that makes sense.

Basically, we end up addicted to them. At least I was. I had to learn to not beat myself up for that. I learned all I could about abuse, kept his visits to my new place to a minimum, and slowly released my attachment to him.
For the first month, I still called him 3 times a day. But month two, I could sometimes go 2-3 days without talking to him. On month 3 we filed for the divorce and I discovered I could go a whole week without even feeling an urge to dial his number. And now, I only talk to him when I have to.

During this time, I have put a lot of energy into building the 'new' me. I started college courses, am switching jobs, started decorating with things he hated - just to reaffirm to myself that I was independent and could choose for myself. I can't tell you how fun it was the day he saw my new couch. He hated it, and I looked him in the eye and said - I don't care, it's my couch and I love it and you don't ever have to sit on it. :) Even little things gave me strength, like buying new steak knives and hot mats.
I also deleted his phone number from my cell phone. I have the number memorized. I wanted to have to stop and think about calling him rather than just hit the speed dial. Oh, and for those times when I would call him just because I was bored and lonely - my daughter told me to text her. Now she and I send text messages to each other all day. So if you can find a friend to do that with, it helps too.

About 2 weeks ago, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. And on my way home, I realized that I had just had a normal lunch. The conversation was normal, silly girl chatty things. It wasn't focused entirely on him, or what he did, or how I was feeling about him - it was just normal. It was an amazing feeling.

I loved my abuser more passionatly obsessivly and insanely than I have ever loved anyone. And I honestly think he shared the same passion and obsession. It was a mad relationship and all we had were each other. No one has ever treated me that badly, yet no one has ever been that romantic and exciting.
But now I know that that was not 'love' no hurt comes out of love.Love is a much more peaceful less rampant and urgent feeling. Harbouring these feelings for my abuser were the reason I stayed with him and the reason why I could not see what had happened to me for 2 years after I left him.

Only people you love this much are able to hurt you as much as they do. I would never in my life allow someone i didn't care about hurt me as much as my ex did. I had boundries for friends that i never had for him. I was emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, physically and sexually abused on an almost daily basis. No one, and i mean no one, in my entire life was allowed to get away with what he got away with. You want to know why? Because i let him. Because the intensity of my obsessive love for him and my complete lack of self esteem dovetailed with his need for power and control at all costs. The good moments were what i lived for. What i finally learned was that the good moments were just more control. They are what abusers use to keep you hooked on them. An believe me sweetie, we are hooked. This isn't love, not really. This is addiction.

This is hell, I am there now I hate myself for feeling this way but I have accepted this is how it will be for a while I just cannot act on it.

i sometimes even fantasize about being his abuser, normal but not good.

I try to keep reminding myself it is the fantasy man I married not the man that I left, taht I am in love with.
It is that man tthat I miss, it is that one that I long for to return. I believe that many of us feel this way soon we accept wholeheartedly that the man we married and love is gone forever and we move on. Give yourself a little lot of time.
I will let you know when it happens for me, someday

absolutely not....I love myself, my life and my wel being more and always will...it was other things that stood in the way of me leaving..but I did leave. I think alot has to do with your feelings of self-worth , self-esteem and how badly the abuser has damaged your spirit and soul, finances, kids and alot more that keep you in an abusive relationship...how can you love someone who is cruel, physically hurting you? Whether or not they have a good side just flies out the window for me..if they are emotionally and physically abusive...the love turns to anger and disgust.

oh, and what may be mistaken for the feelings of love???? is not healthy...it is codependency.

I agree with other postings on this. This question makes a lot of sense.

That is why it is hard to leave an abuser. There are conflicting emotions there. You love your abuser when they are loving and things are good. Then you hate them when they are treating you poorly.

It's a love/hate thing. And I also believe, you get used to it, and it becomes almost normal at times.

Of course I loved my horrible, neglectful parents and angry, drunk abusive grandparents. I was a child. They were all I had. Now, I can choose.

I don't think your question is stupid, and I can see where you're coming from. My sister has been abusive to me since childhood, but I only ended my relationship with her a few months ago.

We came from really f**ked up parents, and despite her abuse, we had a strong bond from growing up in Hell together. I know there are a lot of dysfunctional families, but we were the only ones who experienced OUR dysfunctional family. (I hope that makes sense.) No matter what she did to me, I do love my sister. And even though I think I did the right thing ending the relationship, in some ways it felt like a big loss, and I still miss her a lot.

Yep i was like that with my ex but the truth ov the matter is if he would ov loved me the way i did him he would ov neva hurt me in anyway.
Sometimes its also easier 2 stay. But from my experience they neva change u can wish & hope all u want but it neva happens.