Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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REDOAGAIN 02/03/2015

I have never called my SO a liar, but if in stating facts a lie is relieved, he will defensively state, "Oh, so now your calling me a liar." It always throws me off because I didn't call him a liar. Yesterday, at one of these intervals instead of defending myself, I through it back at him, "No I did not, I stated the facts, you gave me three different time lines, 2mo, 6mo, and 1year. Do you think you lied?" His answer, "No, there is no point in saying something that you won't like." Huh?.... "So then its okay to tell me something thats not true, when in telling me the truth I won't make the decision you want me to, then it's not a lie? "Yes." he agreed that was his story and he was sticking to it. Wow....so lame, I have to laugh, but finally something tangible and real that I can deal with.

I've never had the balls to call him a liar. That would be very confrontational and he gets ugly and defensive. This little conversation went past the normal wall, where he does his little "how dare you accuse me" line and I just defend myself saying," no I didn't," and got some information out. This morning, I very calmly said he was lying. I'm not afraid to call it what it is now, his definition so lame. That's new.The next time he bellows out his indignation, "are you calling me a liar?" the answer will be, "yes I am."

REDOAGAIN 02/04/2015

Enough time went by. I was happy and life was going great. I let go of the hurt and had forgiven. I did not dwell on the hurtful things and just tried to be grateful for any positive that came from it, so that I could be at peace. When he e/m me a very nice note 2 years after getting out, I answered it. I messed up. Here I am. If he had not contacted me, I would have continued to avoid him. I don't know why I couldn't just ignore the e/m. Something inside had to see if he had taken accountability. I HATE THAT GLITCH. How do you get rid of that glitch? Of course the e/m and the ones to follow, were very nice and said all the things I needed to hear. He really has been much nicer this time, but it has only been 6 months, and although he has contained himself better, I still am terrified, and although I see him contain it better, I do know he is containing it. He just called right now. He was very nice. He only snubbed me for a day. That is so weird. He use to go for months. I don't know what to do. I still see all the old stuff. He is containing it better. It gives me hope, but terror at the same time. I made a mistake.

Livndadrem 02/04/2015

My ex also used to lie constantly. One of the more amusing responses I got from him was when I called him on it. I asked him one day in exasperation when he was going to stop lying to me all the time. His response was "when you start trusting me". Um yeah, right, like that's going to happen while you are lying to me constantly.

Strange people.

bottledbreath 02/05/2015

Livndadrem, haha! I've been told something similar, and heard similar from someone else before. That's CRAZY!

Whipple2, I totally get it. I was able to hold back from my ex's last contact, but I do know there's a part of me that could still accept him if he actually put a little effort in. I didn't think so while I was still in a ton of pain, but I feel lucky now that he doesn't have it in him. It makes my decision quite a bit easier.

Just know, probably more people won't lie to you than will. Sure, supposedly everyone lies in some form on some level, but I'm talking people that won't tell lies that hurt or make you question anything. I'm guessing you're as honest as you can be, and maybe this is why your SO's lies are (understandably) getting you angry. There's a lot more people out there a lot like you.

As much as catching one of those first big tangible lies go, ooooh I hated how angry I got when I caught my ex in his, but damn it felt good finally knowing for sure that wasn't just some jealous and crazy b-word!

justaguest 02/05/2015

My husband doesn't out right lie. He manipulates and exaggerates the truth to benefit himself. For example we were discussing his work... He used an example that was 10-15 yrs old (but no longer was true) to back his stance. It was minor and had no real bearing on our marriage. But it makes me wonder if he exaggerates in the small pesky things what else is he twisting? If I catch him, I usually call him on it. However, it's not really worth the effort and debate that ensues because he usually keeps bending and twisting until I give up.

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