Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am oftentimes my own worst enemy. I have suffered sexual, physical and emotional abuse since I was a very young child. I grew up in an alcoholic household and I have very co-dependent behavior. I have tried different counselors, medication, and have even been self destructive when I am not doing the work upon myself.
To get to my point of this post. It is very easy to slip into negative behavior and depression. To let my anger overtake my will, and let my resentment build.
So in order to try to focus on better things today besides my past, my abusers, my abuse...I thought it would be good to talk about what I am trying to do in order to help myself and to gain a foothold to move forward. I would like to invite anyone who cares to share to do so as well.
Currently I am going to therapy. I am having some insurance issues and I have good and bad sessions, but at least I am talking and not keeping it bottled up.
I am establishing boundaries. It can be lonely and sometimes I backslide but in the long run, I am hoping that the ones that I have in my life won't just be in it for what I can give or do for them.
I am stepping away from patterns of going back to familiar people (abusive exes) just to not be alone. This is hard for me, as I am not a social person and I have very low self esteem. So basically, I am not dating, until I do the work on me. Meaning, I have literally not dated since last December when I left the ex addict for the 5 time or so. With any luck and lots of strength, I will stay away.
I am trying to make a go at my own part time business. This is really new and really hard. I have health issues and working full time, also every other Saturday. I thought it would help with my overanalyzing and obsessing but it only helps with physically tiring me out, not so much mentally.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing your positive steps on taking care of yourself. :)
To get to my point of this post. It is very easy to slip into negative behavior and depression. To let my anger overtake my will, and let my resentment build.
So in order to try to focus on better things today besides my past, my abusers, my abuse...I thought it would be good to talk about what I am trying to do in order to help myself and to gain a foothold to move forward. I would like to invite anyone who cares to share to do so as well.
Currently I am going to therapy. I am having some insurance issues and I have good and bad sessions, but at least I am talking and not keeping it bottled up.
I am establishing boundaries. It can be lonely and sometimes I backslide but in the long run, I am hoping that the ones that I have in my life won't just be in it for what I can give or do for them.
I am stepping away from patterns of going back to familiar people (abusive exes) just to not be alone. This is hard for me, as I am not a social person and I have very low self esteem. So basically, I am not dating, until I do the work on me. Meaning, I have literally not dated since last December when I left the ex addict for the 5 time or so. With any luck and lots of strength, I will stay away.
I am trying to make a go at my own part time business. This is really new and really hard. I have health issues and working full time, also every other Saturday. I thought it would help with my overanalyzing and obsessing but it only helps with physically tiring me out, not so much mentally.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing your positive steps on taking care of yourself. :)
I read that the average person in an emotionally abusive relationship leaves an average of 13 times before staying away, you are way ahead of the game! :)
That helps a lot, along with the one thing that is repeated a lot on here... time :) Hugs xxx
1.) Weekly counseling at the Womens Center, I have already been given a voucher to get a bed and a couch (got 30 days to get it).
2.) Weekly Empowerment Class to help me establish stronger boundaries, (it's working)
3.) Keeping NC
4.) CoDependancy Class
5.) Weekly job ministry support group
6.) Try going out daily to get out of the house for lack of employment
7.) Put in an application to the library to volunteer my services
8.) Church Wed & Sun
I'm also going to start exercising however that's not happening yet. lol. I have a treadmill here that i use to get on daily but have stopped since my ex had his accident in May 2014.
Today I actually went to the library and checked out a book and also ran across a book that really hit me, so I sat down and started reading it and I finished it all in 2 hours. I was amazed the book was so good, I needed to read every word. I definately urge anyone needing to stand up for themselves, check it out. it's called
Grow a Pair by Larry Winget apparently he is a motivational speaker and has done several books, it was really good, I would put this book into a section of boundaries for ourselves.
J-I know all too well of what you speak about with low self esteem and I have battled with that for years but I have since learned the only has been with myself, not with others. Yes others contributed to my low self esteem, but they are no longer contributors to my life. I have control over the choices I make. What helps me with my low self esteem is I try now to focus on my accomplishments, not my failures. My failures have helped me become the person I am today and also my accomplishment have helped me be who I am today, by the skin of my teeth, but my accomplishments and my failures define who I am in that they are tools, to teach me that I am who I say I am.
I know all to well about leaving and coming back. With my first husband i left him 9 times and one of those times for 9 months and then I took him back. I so wanted my family unit to work. I wanted to so much to have the family I always envisioned myself having.
But, I finally got away and stayed away, and from what I know he's still the same has not accomplished anything. I have since raised our kids, manage to keep a roof over their heads, have paid of two cars, I rent, got an education and got a certification in graphic design and that helped me.
Sorry didn't mean to hog the posts and I really don't sorry guys I just have a lot to say I know sometimes I talk too much but oh well. If it becomes annoying please someone let me know and I will keep my posts to a minimum. lol.
- counseling
- lucky to have school right now during the day and a way to make money part time.
- I only spend time with people I think are nice. I made a friend at school and she is very kind and we have lunch together and she met my daughter
-keep suicidal thoughts at bay by just trying to have hope that life will be ok and is worth living for.
- I lately have been visualizing myself in comfortable places, such as the couch of my childhood home, in key west where I love, rather than having harmful thoughts.
- my 9 year old cat is my guy, he sleeps right next to me and we communicate very well. I just love him so much. I play e him n sit out on the front step w him n my neighbors like him.
- instead of hating my life of sharing a room w my daughter, living in an apartment, go-go dancing to make ends meet..I have accepted it more and my anger has subsided since breaking ties w my abuser. Perhaps by continuing to be kind to myself and be positive and effort change will take place. I wish good thing for you and other members that struggle and are healing.
I swear my heart smiled after reading this. :)
I guess I should stop and think about this a minuet
I am establishing and maintaing boundaries
I come here
I go to a NAMI support group for families of those with schizophrenia
I watch an hour of TV a night before I go to bed
I pet my dogs
I went NC with my ex several months ago (as opposed to no response-BIG difference)
I am going to San Diego for a four day weekend - however at the moment that also is just stressing me out instead of something I am looking forward to (what is wrong me with?)
Ah, I have been so lax, no wonder I am feeling so stressed out!!!
As some of you know,
after being single for
many years post-abuse,
I remarried a year ago
next month.
Even in relationship with
a sweet, loving guy (whom
I've known for now over
forty years), honeymoons
only last so long.
I'm still working on stuff,
specifically boundaries.
My strongest areas are
self-reliance, self-possession
and self-determination.
Through years of doing
the work, I've come a
fair way.
But sometimes, because
I can also be flexible and
accommodating, the edges
get fuzzy.
That's what I'm working on
now. . . . beinh clear about
when I need to assert myself
and when something should
just be shrugged off.
But since I practice a steady
course of self-care, I'm almost
never too far off center.
I've been doing some artsy stuff. Learning some new techniques and programs to add to my list of skills. Getting things together to sell to supplement my income. Reconnecting with online pals and playing lots of video games that I used to love. I recently started cooking a ton, and trying out new recipes that are very inexpensive and taste awesome. People still make me a bit nervous so I don't go out very often, but I make it a point to talk to people every day. I'm planning on turning my room into an office now that it's apparent and I've finally accepted I won't be able to leave my parents' place in the near future, but I've actually been enjoying dreaming about and preparing for that little by little. I'm not gonna lie, it actually feels good to be spending my money on stuff for just me. Annnnnd that's mostly it for the moment.