Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been using this forum for nearly 2 years. I took a year off and on of breakups to remove myself from my last abusive relationship (typical in abusive relationships to take an average of 8 breakups for one to stick according to my domestic violence counselor). It has been a year since the breakup with some contact which was extremely abusive a few months after that, thereafter I don't respond to his texts or calls that come occasionally, still.
My question is to those women who have left the abuser, how long has it been, how have you gotten healing, and are you refraining from contact with your abuser?
I know there is more to healing than leaving. I've received counseling from a counselor from a domestic violence agency, thank God. I couldn't have left without her. In fact she suggested a break in the counseling because I was choosing to stay for so long, and it took me a while to understand how change wouldn't happen unless I was able to find a way to stay away from him.
I've gone to support groups there. I have used this forum and read up on the subject, especially Patricia Evans books which have been healthy. I read old journals to see how bad it was and how long I stayed knowing how bad it was, like a frog put in water slowly raised to boiling until they fry... I go to support groups for Al Anon and to maintain my own sobriety using 12 step groups.
I have been in many abusive relationships and my goal is to see the red flags before I get involved so I can spare myself more wasted life.
At 38 I estimate I have spent, chosen to spend easily 10 years in a # of abusive relationships, and I know there is a lot of time after the abuse where I am still suffering from it.
How to you continue to heal yourself after you've left?
Thanks for all your support here.
My question is to those women who have left the abuser, how long has it been, how have you gotten healing, and are you refraining from contact with your abuser?
I know there is more to healing than leaving. I've received counseling from a counselor from a domestic violence agency, thank God. I couldn't have left without her. In fact she suggested a break in the counseling because I was choosing to stay for so long, and it took me a while to understand how change wouldn't happen unless I was able to find a way to stay away from him.
I've gone to support groups there. I have used this forum and read up on the subject, especially Patricia Evans books which have been healthy. I read old journals to see how bad it was and how long I stayed knowing how bad it was, like a frog put in water slowly raised to boiling until they fry... I go to support groups for Al Anon and to maintain my own sobriety using 12 step groups.
I have been in many abusive relationships and my goal is to see the red flags before I get involved so I can spare myself more wasted life.
At 38 I estimate I have spent, chosen to spend easily 10 years in a # of abusive relationships, and I know there is a lot of time after the abuse where I am still suffering from it.
How to you continue to heal yourself after you've left?
Thanks for all your support here.
But what I have done is reconnect with family (although they are angry that I married him and have continued to make snide comments about it), and make new friends because I wasn't allowed to have friends during our relationship.
Have you read, "Why does he do that?" If not, that's a very good step. It was upsetting to me, so I had to read it in chunks.
You just gotta walk away. Change everything that was normal. I killed it all, facebook, myspace, email, phones. Just shake the dust off and move on.
Hugs to you.