Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
First of all I think sometimes were are set up for these type of men according to our home life. My parents did not freely give love and my mother always pitted my sister and I against each other. Never letting us be friends or even having a lunch together with out her being there. My sister has now past away and it hurts that we were so controlled by our mother.
I married to get away from my mother. My husband was just like everyone says, your too sensitive, you don't cook it the way I like it, your getting big, calling me whale tale, anything to destroy my self esteem. He constantly berated me. I wanted to leave but my daughter cried and said she would never speak to me again. She didn't want to be torn between us.
Here I am, 55, with a husband who did something stupid and is now in jail. My child is married, has a child and I am all alone. I don't want others to know of our situation because of my daughters family. She is a daddy's girl and is devastated by this. She sometimes treated me like her father, telling me I was too sensitive, but that has now stopped.
He was not a nice man to his co-workers or my friends. But still, people were drawn to him. The only ones he was ever truly nice too were his mother,who abandoned him as a child, and his half brother and half sister.
I don't have a job, thankfully he had just retired and I have that coming in and I am now in control of all the money and finances. I never paid bills before and I was thrust into all at once.
Before sentencing, he went to a psychologist. He told my husband, being abandoned was what caused him to behave as he did. He begged my forgiveness and he was the nicest person you could ever know. He made sure I was financially ok before he left. He told me all of his dark secrets and how he really hated himself. He said he was sorry he destroyed my life and didn't let me become the person I wanted to be. He held me back from being the fun loving and free spirit I was when he met me. But it is too late now, I am a depressed shell of a person who just stares at a wall or tv and I just fell numb. I can't feel anything, love, hate, nothing!
I am telling you ladies all of this so you know not to wait to leave. Run as fast as you can and live the life God intended you to live. He doesn't want to be some ones slave or doormat. I am older now and it's difficult to find a job at my age. I have low self esteem and not sure if I can ever get over it.
Please, unless he agrees to go to counseling and really changes, not just for a few days, then leave for good. Go to your family or friends, but just get out before you end up like me, a total wreck.
I married to get away from my mother. My husband was just like everyone says, your too sensitive, you don't cook it the way I like it, your getting big, calling me whale tale, anything to destroy my self esteem. He constantly berated me. I wanted to leave but my daughter cried and said she would never speak to me again. She didn't want to be torn between us.
Here I am, 55, with a husband who did something stupid and is now in jail. My child is married, has a child and I am all alone. I don't want others to know of our situation because of my daughters family. She is a daddy's girl and is devastated by this. She sometimes treated me like her father, telling me I was too sensitive, but that has now stopped.
He was not a nice man to his co-workers or my friends. But still, people were drawn to him. The only ones he was ever truly nice too were his mother,who abandoned him as a child, and his half brother and half sister.
I don't have a job, thankfully he had just retired and I have that coming in and I am now in control of all the money and finances. I never paid bills before and I was thrust into all at once.
Before sentencing, he went to a psychologist. He told my husband, being abandoned was what caused him to behave as he did. He begged my forgiveness and he was the nicest person you could ever know. He made sure I was financially ok before he left. He told me all of his dark secrets and how he really hated himself. He said he was sorry he destroyed my life and didn't let me become the person I wanted to be. He held me back from being the fun loving and free spirit I was when he met me. But it is too late now, I am a depressed shell of a person who just stares at a wall or tv and I just fell numb. I can't feel anything, love, hate, nothing!
I am telling you ladies all of this so you know not to wait to leave. Run as fast as you can and live the life God intended you to live. He doesn't want to be some ones slave or doormat. I am older now and it's difficult to find a job at my age. I have low self esteem and not sure if I can ever get over it.
Please, unless he agrees to go to counseling and really changes, not just for a few days, then leave for good. Go to your family or friends, but just get out before you end up like me, a total wreck.
Please do not keep secrets for the sake of anyone. You aren't responsible for what your husband did and you aren't obligated to protect him. We are only as sick as the secrets we keep. I lost my adult kids because of what the ex was saying, but eventually he showed his true self and because I took the high road, did my work (therapy) and stood in my truth, my kids now see that I am very different from who the ex portrayed me to be and our relationships are much better.
I want to tell you that it is NEVER TOO LATE for you to find the free spirited fun loving girl. She is still inside of you.
Please consider getting counseling w/a therapist who specializes in recovery from abuse & PTSD.
I left very late in life. Its hard, but I am doing it. I've started a whole new chapter of my life. You can too. It takes effort and work, but healing is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is so worth it!
Big hugs!!!!!!!!!
It gives me courage to go because although I don't think my husband will ever do something that would make him look like a bad guy in the public view, I have been surprised by some of his actions in the past 6 months.....
absolutely listen to MTC. She always has such good advice and she is so wise.
It is never to late, or you are never to old. I am 64, living by myself and loving every minute of it. I have given, and given, till I find total joy in being able to do what I want, when I want and not answer to anybody. I almost never feel lonely, especially when the sun is shining. I save my SS all year to take a 2 month vacation to the warm water and sun in January. I would not give up my life of spoiling myself for anything!!!!
You are never to old to start enjoying life without abuse.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
IMHO, regular talk therapy & CBT, while helpful, don't get to the crux. I went to therapy off & on for decades & no one picked up on the abuse or the PTSD. I found my current therapist via word of mouth. She does regular therapy plus hypnotherapy which has helped me more in the last few years than 3 decades of regular therapy did. If you're interested, you can check out this website's find a therapist link.
http://www.wellness-institute.org/findatherapist.html
FYI, another helpful form of therapy for PTSD & recovery from abuse are EFT (emotional freedom technique - tapping).
The reason why hypnotherapy and EFT work so well is because they get us out of our head and into our subconscious & allow us to reconnect to our bodies. Without the mind body spirit connection, healing is much more difficult.
yellow, I too did not think he would do anything like that, have been married forever and didn't see it coming. He never even had a speeding ticket.
Good luck.