Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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sweettheresap 05/30/2013

So, I haven't been reacting to his tantrums. Last night he decided to turn the TV off while I was watching it because it was annoying him. (Mind you he falls asleep with it on every night and it was only 9:15). Anyway, I refused to argue with him, just rolled over and used the quiet to reflect on the personal work I've been doing. So he called me two hours ago (I just got off the phone pretending it died finally) and began questioning why I've been treating him like dirt lately and on and on. I told him I wasn't going to argue with him, nothing is wrong with me, and I really don't get where this is coming from. He began screaming about the fact that he had something for me. If I wanted out of this relationship he would make sure my life was fucking miserable from that day forward. He has already consulted an attorney and he's got something for me alright, then he began laughing this sneering laugh. I told him again that I wasn't going to argue, it is what it is, if that's what he feels he must do then more power to him. He then started being all sweet and telling me he doesn't know why I keep treating him like this, if I want a divorce all I have to do is tell him. He loves me and loves the kids to death and only wants us to be happy. WTF!!!!!! He then tells me he hasn't consulted an attorney that he was only saying that because he doesn't want me to leave him again. Jesus, this is like a carnival funhouse. I want off the damn ride now, but after the comments he made, I definitely think I need to begin putting a serious plan in place. Just venting.

gem111 05/30/2013

Before you even hint to him anymore that you are even thinking of leaving, make a plan, as you said and talk to a lawyer.
I think once he knows you are going to leave, it sounds like he may cause a lot of trouble. Best not tell him of your plan and get all your ducks in a row.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I wish you the best.
Stay safe

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

ooooo 05/30/2013

Oof... what a jerk.

I mentioned divorce to my wife and she started threatening me with lawyer talk. She also said she was going to try to make it hard for me. I honestly don't know what is real or not, so I need to meet with a lawyer to see. I suggest you do too!

deleted_user 05/30/2013

seems like the lawyer threat is another common abuser tactic. Mine went as far as to text me the phone number of one and said they were waiting for my call, needless to say I looked like an ass when I did call because he randomly just picked a number out of the phone book to scare me. I agree with the other responses, get a lawyer. Good Luck!! Hugs!

sweettheresap 05/30/2013

Thanks. I'm pretty sure this was just another ploy of his to throw me off balance, but you're all right, I do need to get my ducks in a row. The funny thing is last night I was just saying to myself that I was giving it six months for me to get myself together. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him; we have a rather violent past, but the thought of him threatening me with legal action honestly never occurred to me until he said it today. I can't imagine what it would have been like to actually call the attorney's office only to look like the one with problems. This new approach I am trying to take--focusing on my strength and growth and on making our kids healthier, is really making him nuts. I've seen him do a lot of things, but usually his irrational behavior is over by now--it doesn't last this long and then continue to escalate. Of course. to be fair, I've never challenged him either. I just suck it up and give in every time, so who knows how far he might have gone in the past. I figure I'll just keep letting him hang himself with the rope he seems hell bent on doing anyway. He can only be logical sounding for very brief periods, then his true colors come through loud and clear. If it wasn't so damn exhausting, it would actually be pretty amazing to watch--a grown man deteriorate into a three year old, it's kind of amusing.

deleted_user 05/30/2013

From my own experience I wished I would have documented more when he was abusing me ot called the cops more and so on. I was told to this and document everything. I did, but not enough.

It is so important to have as much as you can so in the future if you go to court they can see who he is and you can protect your kids better that way. Because they WILL use the kids to torture you after it's over. Because they know that is our weakest point.

Mine threated a billion times with court to scare me. BUT he eventually did take me to court. So, you have got to be prepared with as much evidence as possible and then consult with a lawyer and have a head start.

Hugs :)

Livndadrem 05/30/2013

Ditto what the others said.

When things were near the end for me, when I started to accept that it was over and so I stopped begging him to stay every time he threatened divorce, he went through a phase where he'd alternate (sometimes within the space of only a few minutes) between "I don't want any of your money" and "when I leave I'm going to take you for everything you have". Fortunately, he didn't have much of a leg to stand on legally so, while he got a lawyer to write a few letters, I had a better lawyer and we just ignored them, knowing he'd never get a lawyer to actually take it because he didn't have any money and the case wasn't likely to produce enough to pay the lawyer's fees.

The key is to document EVERYTHING, and also to know that whatever he says is designed to have an impact, it's not about whether it's true or false, only about what effect it has.

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