Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My washing machine finally gave up the ghost yesterday after a long illness. My husband went out today and bought a very nice, expensive new washer. I was excited and actually started feeling a little guilty for being angry with him. So I am helping him install the washer and I make some suitably enthusiastic comments about it (so he will feel appreciated). He then starts telling me that I am pronouncing my words wrong ( I retain a bit of my dad's English accent with certain words). Well, immediately all my good thoughts about him disappear. Why does he have to do this? Why pick on me and say I am doing something 'wrong' when it doesn't really matter in the slightest. I don't get it and it makes me so angry. It seems such a minor issue to make a fuss about ( especially after he has bought me a new washer) but he does this so often and I feel like I am so full up with repressed anger that I might explode. I dread being alone with him ever because of what might come out of his mouth. How do you deal with feeling this way, how can I get the anger out in a way that won't further damage our relationship? Anyone had to deal with this?
he damaged it with his abuse.
how telling:
'So I am helping him install the washer and I make some suitably enthusiastic comments about it (so he will feel appreciated)'
notice how you are going out of your way to 'make him feel good, keep the mood light and happy'.
I wouldn't know (said sarcastically)-but I'm pretty sure that in 'normal' nonabusive relationships, no one has to go out of their way to try to make the other person feel ok in that way.
it would just be two people putting in a washing machine, neither one 'trying' to make it all ok.
I've had to do this way too many times to even count.
in fact, it's just become a hardwired part of my brain-always thinking about how this and that will affect my spouse before I act or speak.
I wouldn't even know how NOT to do it.
And as for him buying you a new washer-doesn't that sound odd to you?
don't you guys just need a washer to wash your clothes?
why is 'for you', as if he did you a favour in buying it?
I've noticed my abuser does things like you mention when I'm noticibly excited or chipper. It's like it bothers him for me to be happy.