Hi Joanie,

Good to "see" you again. It's interesting that it is hard for you when he stops calling.

Are you in couseling at the moment?

Hugs,

Seawee

You are not alone, hon. Get outside for some fresh air and sunshine, maybe a walk around the block. For many of us that live in winter places, this is the hardest time of year, waiting for spring to come on back.

Hugs to you for better days ahead...and good for you for maintaining No Contact.

Seaweed, I think I get afraid that I will "lose " him completely is why I am more upset when he does not call. I know that makes absolutely no sense but this "relationship "has never totally ended since we started email correspondence in the winter of 2010 and he knows me better than most. Also of all the abusive men I have dated, he has done the least damage as far as he never struck me, called me names or brought up my ugly childhood to be my fault. So even though he is unstable (a drug addict) and he cheats, he is still kinder in his way than the typical alcoholics I dated. I am not in therepy, I work 40 hrs a week and Saturday during spring and summer.

Wvartgirl, thank you for the advice. Perhaps when the snow melts off some I will. I think the snow actually triggered me thinking about him as last really heavy snow we had I was at his place and we enjoyed sledding together. Had not done that in years. He is actually a kind and fun person in spurts if only you could date him for a week. He just can't commit to one person or stay off drugs. It is sad.

Aw I know it feels depression and lonely. I think we all go through it during the healing process. I feel depressed too and do not think you have too many issues to be on here that is why we are all here. I have a ton of issues!! Dont feel bad feel glad we can all express ourselves in here!! We all have slips and falls too but we gota get back up again and support each other through the thick and thin. My ex waited around the cornere and broke my no contact efforts. I have warned him so if he does it again I will have decide it is a stalking issue and take action. I am at home today in winter weather too, all alone but I am just glad I am not being abused and I have a nice quiet peaceful home. Maybe it would help you to make a list of the good things you have by not being with him. Then a list of the reasons you dont want to be with him. Remember you are going to need time to heal and get over the abuse we have been conditioned to let ourselves be abused and think its our fault we caused them to treat us bad right? WRONG!! It is not our fault and when we slip it is not our fault the abuse just puts us right back at square one and we need to recover and keep healing. The quiet point you are talking about is when he is leaving you hanging wondering if he willl contact you again but also to keep you stringing along for the next attempt at luring you back in. He is fishing and you are the fish. Mine does the cycle too. Its crazy. within two weeks he will try to contact again. I keep wondering when will it end? I would like it to be over for good. But I know he is not ready to give up yet. Its not love its sick!

Hi Joanie- I too have felt that way. It's hard because we only want the abuse to end not necessarily the relationship. But RADM gave good advice: try enjoying the peace and quiet and making a list of the good by not being with him.

Ugh..how well I understand! I actually ended up going back to mine becuz i couldn't stand not hearing from him..on top of all the.empty promises. Now here I am living with him and just as miserable and so tired of always being a stupid Bitch or told to 'mind my manners'. I wanna leave him so bad just for some reason I can't :'(

Hugs to you and hope things get better!

After going NC, I was shocked by the amount of emptiness I felt. I blocked him from my phone and email. I never realized how much time and space he occupied in my life, until I really committed fully to NC. My phone is silent now, for hours at a time. The silence is deafening.

I think it is so difficult because we are faced with ourselves. There are no distractions from our inner pain, anger and hurt. The only way to get better is to go through it. It is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

He did try to contact me today. He called me from a blocked number, but didn't leave a message. I was foolish to think he would just walk away. However, I felt so empowered by not reacting to him. I felt like each day of NC is a day that I learn to love myself more, to chose myself over the pain. Chose yourself, hang up the phone and even if you did call him, forgive yourself. :)

Hi Joanie,

I complete understand the thought of not wanting to "loose him completely". I think this is why I haven't filed yet.

Thanks for helping me put words to a feeling.

I hope you are in a better place today.

Seawee

By my count it will now be a week since his last contact. The longest he goes is two weeks. What makes it so hard as well is how he acts as if nothing is really wrong, as if we never broke up. As if it was just a disagreement and I am being unreasonable in not answering. Sometimes he will leave a scolding type voicemail as if I am an errant child. He will call me by my full name as if I am in trouble. He never loses his calm. It makes me feel like the emotional, crazy one. :( This man is on script meds for ADD, Tourettes and OCD and takes other pills just cause he likes street drugs, including pot..yet I am the one who feels like I should be on meds. He only shows his loss of control with road rage and if his renters or a friend seems to be "screwing "him over. He has a get even mentality if he feels you do that or disrespect him. I have only made him upset enough to take it out on me twice in all the time I have known him. It is like he is the one in control and I am the emotional mess...all I have in my control is not answering that phone. Still he controls my emotions as I hurt when he calls or when he does not call. Almost as if my worth as a person hinges on him. :(