Unfortunately, he's not lurking until you do something wrong. He's lurking till he can hold it no longer.

We all know that feeling, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it is NOT about you, it is NOT your fault, it is NOT because you are not good enough or don't do the right thing. It is him.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

i haven't had that issue recently but a few months ago i felt that way allllll the time...everytime things were ok i was just anxious and worried that something would set him off bc typically when things would get bad in terms of him yelling at me i didnt usually see it coming. I would be on the look out for anything that might trigger a negative response and then bam! he would freak out about something i didnt even realize would be a problem. Lately that hasnt been an issue though. He seems to have settled down with the random freak outs and his anger only comes out when things are legitimatley heated over something that isnt surprising. My only advice is try and relax...maybe do something nice for yourself while things are calm. If he is gonna freak out and go hyde on you it will prob be out of your control anyway right?

"""""""""""""""""""""""does anyone get this?"""""""""""""""""""

This is life with an abuser.
I'm sorry for what you've
had to go through.


"""""""""""""""""""So afraid Mr Hyde is lurking around the corner ready to burst out if I do something (or don't do something) to annoy him.""""""""""""""


Sorry possum . . . . . . You don't have to "be afraid."
You can simply be totally certain.

The fact is, "Dr. Jekyll" is a mask.
Mr. Hyde is the only real personality.
Yes. Mr. Hyde can hide. But his
appearance is not a matter of "if"
but "when." When Mr. Hyde feels
his deception has you sufficiently
"calmed down," Mr. Hyde will reappear.
He will get angry and accuse you of
everything he already has, and more.

This is life with an abuser.

I hope, someday, (soon!) you will find
feeling sick inside to be unacceptable.

Life with an abuser means
that you will constantly
and
always
feel sick inside.

An abuser's main goasl are
to keep you feeling off balance,
confused, anxious, fearful and lost.

And you will, as long as
you're trying to accommodate him.

Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.

I think anyone who has been in abusive relationship will get this. Just reading how you're feeling right now brought back memories of that sick, confused, anxious feeling I used to have, and I thank God I got out when I did!

It's like the lull before the storm. You know the storm's brewing, but just don't know when or how it's going to hit. There's no right or wrong way to wait it out, because no matter WHAT you do, sooner or later the storm will erupt and you'll be left clinging on to your sanity for dear life.

I hope you manage to rid yourself of this man soon. Take care.

Hugs

I have been living with Mr. Hyde lately. I jumped even at the sound of my door opening, nobody talks at the dinner table. We are all waiting for the explosion. I sympatize with you, believe me! I have tried everything and now I am sooooooooooo tired. I know where ever we are it is going to be the same and I need to leave if I want peace in my life. (((((Hugs to you)))))

the worst for me was that it wouldn't always come out of nowhere-he would simmer and start to boil.

looking back, I wonder now if he was actively looking for things to get mad at, and then looking for more to make him madder...

and he would make these little, angry remarks about something innocuous, but it would start the boiling process, and I was completely helpless as I watched his rage grow stronger and stronger, knowing that at any moment, he was going to explode.

I've been pretty much free of that for nearly 2 years (since I told him that I didn't love him anymore) -but he just changed tactics (pushing me for sex and freaking out when he doesn't get it).

but last week, I got to experience that old simmer-boil-explode, and as terrible as it was, it felt kind of good to know that I wasn't wrong, he hasn't changed, just put a new hat over top of the old one...

it was a good reminder...and sadly enough, a good reminder for the kids-whom he's been 'spoiling' for 2 years...

Rachel said:-

"looking back, I wonder now if he was actively looking for things to get mad at, and then looking for more to make him madder... "

This rings so many bells and I actually think they have the need to do this in order to somehow validate their free-flowting inner anger and make themselves feel better. They cannot survive in a loving, harmonious atmosphere, so they have to create issues so that they can abuse and get their 'fix.'

I totally understand this!!!

Mine actually likes to collect little offenses while he is in Jekyll mode. He'll do his little tests of me, and commit it to memory how long it took me to put the mail in the mailbox--or any little transgression. He'll act perfectly nice through all of it, though.

Then, when he is ready to turn into Hyde, he'll bring up all his little ammunition for why is so angry.
He'll even bring up stuff from years ago.

It might be something as simple as how I said "hi." Maybe I didn't look enthusiastic enough to see him...then that will remind him of how I ruined his graduation party by not supporting him enough--or something. Then, while he's at it, he may as well remind me of what a poor house cleaner I am, etc. It snowballs.

What Ilene said is so true:
"When Mr. Hyde feels
his deception has you sufficiently
"calmed down," Mr. Hyde will reappear.
He will get angry and accuse you of
everything he already has, and more.

This is life with an abuser."

Its true--it isn't your fault when he chooses to turn into Hyde.

I still don't understand why they choose to ruin holidays--mine does it like clockwork though. The only thing I can see is that he wants to go off and do something else for the holiday--and not feel like he has to spend it with family.

So he sabotages a few holidays, so the next time I will encourage him to go to the ski lodge alone--or with other people, instead of spending Christmas, Valentines day, or other holidays with family. That still doesn't explain why he ruins the holidays that he knows we have to spend together--like my birthday/our wedding anniversary.

I guess maybe they don't want to have to 'put on the mask' and pretend to be a regular person. It's hard for them, I think.

Mine doesn't really do that-he's pretty good about holidays, and enjoys them and enjoys my family.

He feels good out in social situations, where he plays the cool guy, the funny guy..

Hey possumlady - Mr Hyde came out over here after 2 weeks of Dr Jeckyl. It was actually sickening me how nice he was and I did know that it wouldn't last....sure enough, the switch flipped because I "annoyed" him, according to him...it's always me annoying him. i had no idea what to expect when i came home from work today - pretty quiet so far.
If you expect the worst, you can't be disappointed.

My was great at holidays, unless you were in the car. I don't know how many times I would end up crying in the car because he would have a fit.