Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I won't get into the entire interaction last night, but I finally was granted very limited access to my h's phone. He has a video downloaded that someone apparently sent to him, of a woman masturbatlng. But that, to me, was not the most disturbing thing. I'm interested to know if I'm overreacting or if this is a legitimate concern.
In his photos are about 20 photos of me, sleeping and poised in various positions, nude. There is also a video of me, again sleeping, and at this point he exerted his superior strength and I was not able to see it. He told me I must be a very sick individual who gets turned on by that I kind of stuff to want to see it, and then flat out denied me access any longer.
The thing is, if he wanted a photo of his wife nude even in his phone, I get that, but the fact that these were all taken in secret while I was sound asleep, and they are just posed shots of my body (thank God you can't see the face, just in case), just kind of creeps me out. I just need a different perspective. Is thus weird and disturbing?
In his photos are about 20 photos of me, sleeping and poised in various positions, nude. There is also a video of me, again sleeping, and at this point he exerted his superior strength and I was not able to see it. He told me I must be a very sick individual who gets turned on by that I kind of stuff to want to see it, and then flat out denied me access any longer.
The thing is, if he wanted a photo of his wife nude even in his phone, I get that, but the fact that these were all taken in secret while I was sound asleep, and they are just posed shots of my body (thank God you can't see the face, just in case), just kind of creeps me out. I just need a different perspective. Is thus weird and disturbing?
Sunday morning, so I just
found this thread.
s.t. ------
When I saw you talking about
waiting till March to leave, I was
so upset. Later you responded
that you've moved up your
escape date. I'm sssooooooo
glad you're now thinking
sooner than later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reading what I've read
and knowing what I know,
this guy is DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought 11Christmases suggestion
about getting an injunction on his
posting any "family" videos on-line
or anywhere was brilliant.
You've been minimizing the
danger you're in as a
survival mechnanism.
Now. . . . ACKNOWLEDGE
the danger you're in as
a survival mechanism
and plan how to
SAFELY escape
this treacherous hell
your family is living in.
You can do it.
MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
. . . . . DISTURBING???????????????????????
No.
TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I feel better now. Now I guess I'll go make myself vomit again by trying to "play nice" with his stupid, sorry, psychotic ass! Thanks for all your replies. Will keep all posted!
And yes, playing nice and apologizing for....well everything under the sun, is our usual dynamic. Even when it is literally painful to apologize for something I DIDN"T DO, I still apologize.
Great advice and support already (as always), but I just wanted to add to not feel bad about your own minimisation and needing validation of your feeling that what he did might be "disturbing" (I'm with those who say it is WAY past disturbing). I first joined this site 5 years ago, after my ex (we were separated at the time) grabbed me at an access visit and wouldn't let go. I didn't even bother to tell my lawyer about it when I reported on the access visit because I thought I was probably overreacting. Instead, I searched out a support site and posted here, asking whether or not I was overreacting.
With the benefit of another 5 years, I well know how much I was underreacting (after posting here, I did tell my lawyer, who was also appalled, and supported my decision to never see or have contact with him again - and so he's not had any contact with his son in 5 years either, which is to my and my son's benefit).
The point is, when we are so used to excusing their behaviour, taking the blame for things, believing the problems lie with us and our being "too sensitive" or "overly emotional" or "making mountains out of molehills", then it's easy to wonder whether we are once again over reacting, even when our gut is screaming at us that something is very, very wrong. You listened to your gut - great stuff.
Take care, be careful, and do what you need to do to survive the short term and get out as soon as you can.