Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I won't get into the entire interaction last night, but I finally was granted very limited access to my h's phone. He has a video downloaded that someone apparently sent to him, of a woman masturbatlng. But that, to me, was not the most disturbing thing. I'm interested to know if I'm overreacting or if this is a legitimate concern.
In his photos are about 20 photos of me, sleeping and poised in various positions, nude. There is also a video of me, again sleeping, and at this point he exerted his superior strength and I was not able to see it. He told me I must be a very sick individual who gets turned on by that I kind of stuff to want to see it, and then flat out denied me access any longer.
The thing is, if he wanted a photo of his wife nude even in his phone, I get that, but the fact that these were all taken in secret while I was sound asleep, and they are just posed shots of my body (thank God you can't see the face, just in case), just kind of creeps me out. I just need a different perspective. Is thus weird and disturbing?
In his photos are about 20 photos of me, sleeping and poised in various positions, nude. There is also a video of me, again sleeping, and at this point he exerted his superior strength and I was not able to see it. He told me I must be a very sick individual who gets turned on by that I kind of stuff to want to see it, and then flat out denied me access any longer.
The thing is, if he wanted a photo of his wife nude even in his phone, I get that, but the fact that these were all taken in secret while I was sound asleep, and they are just posed shots of my body (thank God you can't see the face, just in case), just kind of creeps me out. I just need a different perspective. Is thus weird and disturbing?
For me this is beyond disturbing to GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!
These are not sweet, innocent photos of one's beloeved sleeping. They are sexually explicit photos taken by a voyeur who did both the peeping and the photography without the consent of the subject. Many times. And he has a vdeo of you on there that is apaprently so explicit and disturbing, he won't even let you see it. And talk about a psychopath projecting his inner filth onto the victim! He calls YOU dirty-minded to want to see what he has done to you behind your back. He's incedibly creepy and scary. I am worried for you.
Beyond that, you must be totally out of this relationship emotionally if it does not bother you that much that he also has pornography of another woman on his phone. But I agree with you, given what ELSE he has on there, this is not your biggest problem.
sweet, I hope you are making a plan to get out of there soon.
Hugs.
PLEASE make a safe plan (when he is not home) and get out as fast as you can.
Please, please leave him without him knowing you are going, or where, or when. He is incredibly sick.
(((HUGS))) xxx
Kris, yes, I realized yesterday that the process of my detaching emotionally is done. I feel nothing for him, just a lot of frustration with myself that I was so willfully blind and let this go on for so long. But him ? Nothing, just a little disgust and revulsion.
To all, yes, I am working on getting out safely. My end goal was my birthday, which is the beginning of March. I'm not so sure anymore that I can or will wait that long. In light of the fact that I've seen behind the mask, even if only a brief and incomplete glimpse (which frankly terrifies me to wonder wth else is back there), and because he knows it....I'm not sure it's either safe, wise, or responsible to think I'm being realistic to think five more months is possible. We may leave behind some things I wish we didn't have yo (the kids and I) and I may not be 100% prepared for whatever he might throw at me! but I'm realizing that there are no guarantees even if I waited. What is a guarantee is that anything could happen between now and then if I stay. So.....
Get out and get out safely. He will not take this well at all. There is not enough preparation in the world for the kind of sickness he is capable of when you think like a normal person. Safety should be the priority. Nothing else even matters without that.
My first thought is if he's doing this with you, what might he be doing w/your daughters?????
Sorry but he is one sick sob and I wouldn't put anything past him.
I echo kris' GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT. AND GET OUT N-O-W!!!!!!
please don't wait. stop worrying about the crap you'll have to leave behind and run like the house is on fire, because it is.
It's still hard, after everything, to wrap my mind around the fact that he is dangerous. Isn't that crazy?! But I'm not willing to take that chance any longer. I actually got physically ill tonight because after reading all the posts, I realized I needed to make him think everything was okay and forgiven. So, I initiated sex, cried throughout (told him that it was because not smoking was making me emotional), then actually threw up. Now I'm sitting here, not sleeping, feeling like crap. But we are safe for one more night, and won't need too much longer here.
Thanks again for your support and sanity
you are brave and powerful, you can do it.
Please do consider the order of protection. Anything he does to harass you can put him in jail. Also, you can request that the judge put some stipulation in the order that he is not to put any photo or video of your or your kids online. If he has guns, they can be temporarily confiscated. Take care of yourself. Big hugs!