If you feel that you've
been verbally and
emotionally abused
for YEARS, then it
does NOT MATTER
if the abuser claims
to be innocent of
being abusive.
Your reality is that
you've been abused.
Abusers are not
likely to ever "own"
their abuse. And
beyond that,
abusers LIE.

Further, for the record:
verbal
emotional
psychological
spiritual
financial
sexual

or any other kind
of abuse is
NO LESS SERIOUS
than physical battery.

Finally. . . . . . .

when someone perpetrates
one "kind" of abuse
the risk of their perpetrating
other kinds
is significantly
higher than someone
who has not perpetrated
any form of abuse.

Most often, those who
have been primarily
verbally and emotionally
abusive are at higher
risk of becoming
physically violent
than someone who
has never been
emotionally or
verbally abusive.

Please take good care
while you remain where
you are.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for all
going well, while
you make your
plans.

Ilene said it all!

Since he is an alcoholic, I would be that you and/or your kids have been passengers in the car when he is driving.

And that constitutes physical abuse.

Also, if he throws things or punches walls or gets violent w/inanimate objects or your pets, or if he makes veiled or overt threats, that is also physical abuse.

I'm sorry, the second sentence should read, ...I would bet that you and/or your kids have been passengers in the car when he is driving under the influence.

MyTrueColors: we have been passengers while he's been under the influence. However, when that started, that's when I quit drinking. To make sure that we all got home safely. I realize that this is another sacrifice I've made for my kids, one of many. I am ready to go, I truly am. I've saved money back that he doesn't know about, I've purchased items that I will need in my new home. I just have to hang in there for a few more months. I can do this. It's hard at times, and I don't want to, but, a few more months is nothing compared to the time I've already spent doing this. Thank you all so much for your support!

julann, I commend you for having a safe, and what sounds like a smart, plan to leave in place. And while I understand everyone's wish that you leave now, I also know that only you can decide when is the right time.

I think you made a very wise decision to quit drinking in order to make sure everyone got home safely. One other thing you might want to consider, even tho leaving is only a few months away. Please talk to an attorney to find out what the legal & financial consequences in your state are should he be driving alone and cause an accident while DUI and what you can do to protect them for your sake & the kids' sake. He could be putting all of your joint assets at serious risk.

One more thing - please don't believe anything he says ever!!! Especially that he hasn't had a drink before driving. Alcoholics lie like rugs. If their lips are moving, they are lying in some form or another. They are experts at lying by omission and will argue to their dying breath that lying by omission isn't lying. I hope you and the kids are never ever a passenger while he is driving. Even IF he seems sober...Even if he really is sober. Alcohol messes up the brain and they make REALLY dumba$$ decisions. AA calls them BADs (Bad Alcoholic Decisions).

Stay safe and take good care of you!
~hugs~

Hi, I have to whole-heartedly agree with those who've said to consult with legal representation now. The divorce process will likely take longer than you suspect. You should be in the process of gathering your paperwork and facts, as well as what you are already doing with gathering your get-out supplies and some cash. I'm not that far into things, and my H does know of my intentions, but I'm guessing your lawyer can hold off any actions that'll tip him off, till June or till you're ready. Just don't be fooled into thinking it's a fast process, like I was.

Also, as far as the things you've saved up, at least in my state that money and material goods are considered marital property, subject to equitable distribution. So it's feasible that he could get a share of it! I can't advocate hiding that stuff - yes I can! Make sure he can't trace any of it, meaning receipts, credit card bills, withdrawals of unusual sums of money from banking accounts, etc.

Six years ago I started realizing that I was drowning in my marriage. I thought I could hold out for 8 years, till our youngest was out of high school. How I'm kicking myself now! Oldest graduates HS in June and youngest has 2 more years of HS but I have to get OUT NOW. The youngest said he knew it was coming for years. He's only 16 but he knew. What we have with our spouses is not a secret to our teens. Try to communicate with your youngest and good luck with everything.

Here's a dream for you.....I recently dreamed that my H was sitting on my legs while I was asleep in bed, either injecting me with something or taking blood out of me. I woke up scared to death! And my calves felt like there had been a weight on them.

You are NOT overly sensitive!! You are AWARE! Stay sharp.

I think you need to get away from ASAP. This can't be good for your child and is teaching them abusive ways of treating people. Yes this is harassment and abuse. I"m so glad you are already thinking of an exit plan though. No you are not just being "overly sensitive"

Julann, I can so relate to this. I remember working so hard on a nice dinner only for him to walk in the front door, GLARE at me, and say "What's that SMELL?" as if I had just farted or something. Hang in there.