Hi Meg. Yes, it can get better, there are many people here on DS who will witness to that, and will be able to advise you on the direction and steps to take. Unfortunately, you likely have some big decisions to make about your contact with your abuser; contact with an abuser usually only encourages continued abuse.

Hi Meg ---

You talk in your profile about building your confidence.

There's your key.

You say you can't stand being controlled anymore.

There's your key.

The more you grow into yourself and operate from the center of your own power, the less susceptible you'll be to someone elses control.

The more you grow into the center of your own power, the less scared you'll be.

Please know that you are entitled to be self-defined and self-determined.

You CAN move on. It's up to you.

You're an adult and entitled to control your own life and your own destiny.

Please love yourself and take good care.

Ilene

Thank you for your replies. You have no idea how much it helps. I feel like im not nieve about the situation, i just feel stuck. im scared to miss him

i hated his control of me so wanted out,that being scared to miss him held me there the last year,realising this was what was holding me to him i decided i needed a distraction after i left and found it by going on dating site,the attention was fab,you dont even have to go on a date,just make online friends stay in control,

it was perfect distraction to his abusive e-mails and texts, it was visible contrast,new men asking take me out still finding me very attractive and there was abusive e-mails from man who was supposed to love me so much he couldnt live without me,

staring at me from my inbox was obvious reason not to miss him, MENTAL Abuse.

I would be very careful about creating distractions that require you to be vulnerable to OTHER men. What you need is not to go from one bad relationship to another bad relationship, and when you are feeling vulnerable and lonely, its all too easy to get swept into another relationship before you have dealt with and healed from the personal issues that drew you into the first abusive relationship. YOU WILL repeat patterns if you don't deal with yourself first. Its just natural. I agree with finding a distraction, but let it be a healthy one that actually fills you and builds you, not one that is dependant upon other men meeting your emotional needs, or you risk maintaining a codependance that will have you doomed. Self esteem is built up inwardly, not by luring others to flirt with you, not by leading others on who may be looking for someone who is actually READY for a relationship.

THere is more to getting out than just getting out of the relationship. Its getting out of the mindset that allowed the relationship to take this direction. What you need to do is learn how to establish healthy boundaries. No one can control you without your permission and cooperation. If you don't want him to control you, then don't allow it. Sometimes that means leaving... and sometimes it doesn't...sometimes it means no contact ever, and sometimes, it doesn't. Its really personal and depends on the dynamic of the individuals. No one rule applies to every situation.

Ask yourself, though... if you had to choose between losing him or losing yourself... which would you choose. And in your current relationship, is that a choice that has to be made?

I understand that

I left mine, and I've been hurting so much more every day. I just can't seem to shake it. Yes, he was a bad man. Yes, he hurt me. But I think the depths of my emotional self-torture are so much worse than what actually transpired in the relationship.

I miss him, I hate him, I love him. I'm so messed up in the head right now.

For me, it has gotten leaps and bounds better. The smile in my picture is a genuine smile and I am happy in life :-) I can not even imagine how life would have been staying near my abuser (which was my mother).

I rarely have contact with her and find that when I don't talk to her at all, it's the best. :-D