Thanks for all your replies. Ive been feeling pretty pathetic lately. Im not forced to stay in the relationship by him. Im just afraid to leave... just like one of the respones said " i am acustomed to the lifestyle." I dont know what is in store for me after I leave or if i will ever be able to move on. I find myself trying to keep him in arms reach... just in case i miss him or want him back while im trying to move on. But i know i cant do that. If i leave... whats done is done... i wont be able to go back... he probably wouldnt take me back. ( we have been down that road). People that know about the situation think im stupid but its like im putting myself in the situation..... they act like there's a simple solution... just leave. But its not that simple!

It is never your fault. You are doing nothing wrong. It is always the abusers fault, no excuses. To say anything else is to say it is okay to abuse someone if they choose to stay in a relationship they know is abusive. So absolutely not!

But getting out would be good, (or great).

I stayed because I was pregnant with his child and I stupidly thought that I could make him change and make things work. Then he tried to kill me and I realised that was a non-starter and I fled, I moved back to the UK after ten years in the States. I hid from him and brought my child up on my own for 18 years. But I realise that if he had shown any kindness to me, I would have let it drag on and on in the hopes that we could be a couple. We can be very short-sighted about a relationship while we are still in that relationship.

"But those of us who can leave and dont.... do you ever think its our fault for not getting out of it??"

I really had to stop and think about this. I've thought about it so much throughout this relationship it makes my head hurt. I think for myself the key is that even though technically we "can" leave... the reality is we're not emotionally able to. I could manage to leave financially... but... that would mean doing some things that make me nervous like taking things from him... to get money... and depending on others. That is what stops me because emotionally I can't deal with it.

Something else that I think about is this: I am in my 3rd abusive relationship... 1st my father then my first husband and now my current husband... I somehow believe... even though intellectually I know differently... that I am destined to be abused... at least until I figure out how to change me. And until that day... I stay... because I'm still trying to figure out what it is about me that draws me to the abusers.

In the end regardless... the truth is you can't leave or else you would. The reasons are many and no one walks in our shoes so they shouldn't judge or blame...

NO...IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!