@Tang "I know my relationship is not as abusive as some others"

I'm gonna say what many others have said to me: Abuse is not a competition. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't minimize your hurt. Abuse is abuse.

I always feel like a poser. Here and in other groups. I feel that my abuse isn't "bad enough". I haven't suffered enough to validate the claim. And every time I express that, ^ that is the overwhelming response, regardless who I say it to. I'm trying to believe it but it's hard. Maybe repetition will help us both accept it.

My girlfriend told me that this feeling of being a poser, of not having had it bad enough, that it's *incredibly common* among abuse survivors.

Oops! Didn't realize we were on another page and others have already said what I just said. :-) And in much better words.

[M.B. -----

Your words on the subject,
were as illustrative and
articulate as anybody elses.]

I feel the same way, Tangelo, about my abuse not being "as bad as others". But I see the effects of his abuse on my children, and that makes it very real for me.

Fwiw, my husband usually ignores me when I cry, but when he knows it's not about him, he's all over me trying to comfort me. If he thinks it's about him, he just leaves the room and pretends he didn't see me, because then he would have to admit that he did something wrong enough to make me cry about it.

Thank you all so much:

Mixed: (Ilene is right.) That's exactly how I felt, like a poser. Sometimes I worry people are going to think I am being a drama queen.

Bottled: We should write a book about the seriousness of toothbrush preference. I bet there are a lot of people who don't know.

Can't: Thank you for that validation. I was very well put.

Jane: My husband used to comfort me sometimes too, but only if I was crying for the right reasons.