Oh yes, my ex was abusive to his gf! I found out about 6mongths ago and what I was told was that he used to knock her about!

I confronted him and he said it wasn't true and that she hit him first, and he tried to play the poor me I had no choice victim card, but I'd never believe that anyway!

When we was together he said some strange stuff not too long into our relationship that looking back now I can see that it was basically a confession! He knows what he does! He's an abuser through and through!

That's a good question.

I am his 3rd wife (I know...what was I thinking?) this is my first.

I really don't know what happened. He says the problems were with his wives.

How would I find out?

Thanks

Seawee

My ex used to say that her ex husband was a jackass. From what she told me, it sounded like wasn't exactly the most upstanding person. According to her, he was an addict (he was an addict because he did cocaine, but her alcohol and pot smoking werent a problem!), and would take off for days at a time to surf or hang out with friends.

But, I think it was probably one of those relationships where they both got off on abusing each other.

I never met the guy, but since my relationship with her ended I tried to put myself in his shoes and wonder if part of his "jackass" behavior had in part to do with him not wanting to deal with her controlling nature.

One of the stories she told me was one time he came to visit after they were divorced. Thier son was just two or three at the time, and she was at work while he and the son were playing, and somehow the son got hurt and had to go to the hospital for stitches. According to her, she layed into him about it and accused him of being negligent, and has since kept the son away from him (the boy hasn't seen his dad in 10 years). According to her, he has made little attempt since then at trying to see his son, and she uses that as evidence he is a horrible person. Now that I know how difficult it can be to deal with her, I can only imagine how much more difficult it can be dealing with her over custody of a child. So maybe he has gone "no contact" towards her in order to have a happy life for himself, and hopes that he can re-connect to his son as an adult.

I didn't find out until after my sons fathers funeral that he would get violent with the last girfriend and go stay on the streets for days until he wasn't violent? I believe it because he was bad physically abusive to me and he started doing drugs and that made it worse. The last ex boyfriend of mine (the recent one) his ex wife (i hear from thier kids) says he used to leave her for day and she didnt drive and stuff.

While me and my ex was dating, he used to trash his ex wife all because she left him. I don't know what went down in their marriage, but the fact that he was abusive with me gave me a clue that he could have very well been abusive to her. I believe that is why she left him. Later on when he found out that she had died in a car accident, he eerily stated: "She got what she deserved"

Also there was an ex girlfriend, who he vehemently denied cheating on me with, and he used to call her a gold digger and a prostitute. I called him out one night because while we were dating, him and her were having an argument on Facebook for everyone to see. It gave me further proof that he had indeed been calling her and they were acting like they were having a lover's spat on Facebook. She made the claim that she would post text messages that he had sent to her. Of course, he denied ever talking to her. Well a few days after I had ended things with him, he claimed on his Facebook page that he was in love with her and that he was finally with a real woman. He told on himself because no one would have taken up with someone that quickly unless he had been calling her all along. Never mind the fact that during this time he had been sending me emails telling me that he loves me and how sorry he was. What a joke.

An abuser never changes!! They just change their victims. Abusers abuse every woman they were ever in contact with. So, do not take his abuse personal. He's the one with the problem, not you. I would be more concerned about staying away from him, and being safe, than telling other women, in most cases, they wouldn't believe you anyway...They will have to learn the hard way..like all of us on here have...

I remember one conversation where my ex had started talking badly about his ex, the one that he was with right before me. I stopped him and told him I didn't want to hear it. I knew there and then that if he talked badly about his ex then he would do the same about me if we broke up. That was early in the relationship. Should have been a huge red flag to me. all of his priors all had questionable mental health or stability according to him. And all had supposedly done him wrong.

And there is no doubt in my mind that he was abusive in his past relationships although not physically. He was a master at covert emotional abuse.

I never met my soon-to-be-ex husband's prior long-term girlfriend. I knew there was drama involved in their breakup. He always just called her "the bitch." Charming, right? I believed him when he played the victim... If only I'd known the truth then.

I'm sure he's out there now saying the same things about me. Even though he was the one emotionally and sexually abusive to me, I'm sure I'm the bad guy in his story. That's how they operate.