On the "will this hurt my son" part, I meant living in a shelter. Will that be something that could be a negative expirience on him?

Trust me, watching his mom urinate on herself because dad knocked her lights off is more damaging than a shelter. I have never been to a shelter but it is usually a normal house with other woman seeking refuge. You can get an order of protection. Please call the police, you are in danger.
I went to my church and asked for help. They have a wonderful outreach program. Tell people what is happening at home. Tell your neighbor to call the police if he notices something weird. Have a "back-up" plan. Call the operator for a local hot-line for victims of abuse. They will tell you what you need and they will help you getting an order of protection. Please call them right away and tell them what is happening.
Please get out and get help!
I will be thinking of you...
Be strong!

M., CALL THE POLICE!!!

You need to start making a plan to get out. Make sure you document (take pictures) of everything--strikes leave bruises. Start ferreting away money; find someone you trust to store a "get away" bag with money (I recommend a large withdrawal when you make your escape)--then make your plan work--make sure you've contacted the shelter and then get to the court ASAP to file a restraining order. A restraining order gives a great deal of authority to law enforcement in keeping him away.

I spoke to my mom about it this morning. She has agreed to let me come stay with her. That's my only option right now, other than a shelter. I don't have a job, and he will not give me money (his way of controlling me). The most he gives me is 6 dollars every few day to put in the gas tank. We're using my moms car right now until we buy another car, and so I have to take him to and from work. Otherwise, he'd give me no money at all. When I need cigarettes, milk, or anything else, he buys it for me. I am not even permitted to know our "money situation". All I know is that the utilities are paid, house payment is made, and there's food in the fridge. Really sucks for me, huh?
But, I am happy to be packing up and going away. I just hope I can find the courage and stregnth I need to stay away.

Melinda,
one more thing. Expect resistance from your husband. He is acting too calm for an abuser. Mark my word...be prepared.
Also, you should seek counseling. Try to find an organization for victims of abuse. I went there and received group counseling and tons of advice.
Stay on this site to talk, there are bunch of great people on here (except for balint...just kidding).
Another advice, try to read anything about abuse,online or from the library knowledge gives you a better idea what is happening to you. Accept help from others.

You have to get the hell out. I've dealt with a lot of guys with porn addictions--they are prone to severe anger and rage--one of our task force officers was murdered while attempting to serve a warrant on a child porn suspect--and if he's as addicted to porn as you say, based on my experience, there is child porn there somewhere (which is a federal felony). You need to get out now.

The situation is a very disturbing.I personally would go to a shelter for awhile until things calm down.
I would wait awhile to move in with your mom,just incase I may try to raise hell while you there.I dont know the age of your mom but is she able to handle anything that may happen.By all means I'm not saying stay where you are,you have to get your family OUT.But I would seek a shelter first and then go from there.I will keep you inmy thaughts and prayers,Take Care and God Bless...Sue

There is help. please go and save yourself. much love and support.

I am sending you love and courage. Please get away from this monster asap. please also report this as he may start harassing you at your mothers. he will not let go easy. Be strong..you may feel like going back because he has beaten you down mentally. Don't give in to that feeling. It will get better in time. You will feel better about yourself away from him. You will get skills and become stronger. Please protect yourself anyway you can. he is dangerous. I will be thinking of you and I send you hugs too. God be with you!

One more thing..you have gotten excellent feedback here. Please try and get some kind of advocate and yes, protect your Mom too. This guy isn't gonna give up easy from what I have read about how you've lived. He is a very dangerous sick piece of ----, sorry. Do Not Keep silent..expose him! But protect yourself. This is not your fault and he will not change. he is an abuser and a coward!

I was abused as a kid so took off first chance I got, with the wrong guy who would go off for not reason and slam my head into doorways or whatever, lost conciousness several times. But then he started talking about actually harming our baby and I was out of there. I drove 3 states away with my parents, to live with them, his family called to say he got as far as one state away before he got picked up by police on a weapon's charge. My fault was I didn't take pictures, didn't call the pd when he was gone, had no evidence, he made my life hell for close to a year, haven't heard from him now in 18 years and glad of it, was even able to get a divorce without him being there, he moved out of his last address, and couldn't be reached. I talked to shelters the day after I left because I was worried about my family and what he may do to my dad, sister... Luckily it was a very extrememly small town and they told him over the phone if he showed up they would tell him to hit the ground one time if he didn't because of the charges one state away, they would take out his knee then see if he was armed. That was my only savior was having this very small town backgound, to where everyone knew everyone's business. But if you don't get documentation even if you try to get finacial help from the state since you don't have a job they will go after him for money and anger him even more. You have to have some documentation, pictures, friends willing to give affidavids that they saw you while injured, (they believe non-relatives over a family member that may be helping you out by lieing...) I luckily had a couple people willing do do this for me that had saw his aggression and the results so they said he was an endangerment to the child at the time and didn't go after him. So he didn't know what I was up to. Take all papers with you birth certificates, SS cards, the works, that way it is harder for him to find you because most men don't remember their wife or kids SS number it makes it harder for him to track you down. But you do need to get out of there because believe me it will get worst. I hope I didn't scare you by mentioning how he chased me, but you know a shelter is an undisclosed location there is no one who will rat you out. When you go to family it is the first place they head and by the time they get there they are so angry you don't want your mother hurt. After he realizes that you are gone and he has lost his punching bag, he'll find a new one and you can then go to your mom's or another relatives house. I would have rather saw my child grow up anywhere than see my husband beat me. And for a long time I thought I was worthless, because I didn't go to the shelter and get the counciling letting me know it wasn't my fault. It took me several years to trust a man let alone date one. Luckily I have found someone that adopted my son, we have a daughter, and we are so happy. Something I never would have known if I would have stayed with this aggressive wife beater. Take care of yourself and get documentation or even a neighbor who will sign a paper and have it certified stamped so you have some proof. That way he won't get you son, mine never did see his son again. And I know you said they were close but if he will hit you eventually one day that child will make him angry and he will hit him also, and you know how hard he has hit you, can your child take a blow like that? One blast to the chest or temple is all it could take to severely injure or even kill a child. Get out before he hurts your child even if you truly believe he won't, eventually he will catch him watching porn by accident, or argue or say something that will make him snap. You have to think of yourself and your child first, and if that means that man don't get to see his child, then that is his loss, and he isn't fit for to be that child's father. My son today says if he would see his father the first thing he would do is knock him on his butt and tell him how 'my husband now is his father, that just because he is the "biological father" he was nothin more than a sperm donor.' When he told me this I was shocked, but he means it, he's almost 20 yrs old and I know he would do exactly what he said, the kids see it all, and it does affect them more than you may realize. Good luck, and if you need someone to talk to contact me.

cedez...
I smiled at what you said that your son told you. I have a "daddy" and a "father". My father is only a sperm donor to me also, and my daddy is my step-dad who adopted me. My father never cared one bit for me, and he beat my mother (sounds like me, now that I think about it...). The only thing that reason that my sperm donor calls me is because of my son. Soon as I found out I was pregnant, he started calling 3-4 times a week! Annoying more than anything... Get this (this one will make you laugh!)- He called last night, left a message cause I never answer when he calls- and he says,"Hey Mindy, this is dad, just wanted to make sure you were O.K." LOL! He never cared if I was O.K. growing up, and now if he doesn't hear from me in a week, he freaks as if he has always cared. What? Does he think I litterally exploded or something? By the way, he thinks my husband is perfect. LMAO! YAH RIGHT!
Anyways, I just thought what your son said was really cool.

Good-Morning Sweetie :),
I am SO sorry that you and your child are having to go through this hell. You DO not deserve this! I am very glad that you have decided to leave, however when a woman finally decide's to leave this is the MOST dangerous time in the relaionship, there is a HUGE chance that the abuser will be more violent and more crazy than ever! Honestly I would strongly suggest going to a domestic-violence shelter, you guy's will obviously be protected there 24/7 and your Mother won't be in harm's way, I'm not trying to scare you but from what you've said here he seem's very capable of murder, he's beat you very violently already. He's going to be VERY mad when you leave, please go to a shelter. You both will get intensive counseling there, and they will "hold you hand" so to speak through everything, including potential legal processes, which will be so needed, as your mind will be spinning just trying to process what you're going through and have gone through. I've been where you are in a past relationship, he almost killed me, beat me to passing-out, the disgusting "apologies", all of it, there ALL text-book, and they ALL make me sick! When I finally left he got even more violent, (I didn't go to a shelter), and tried to kill the friend I was staying with. Please be careful! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
:)

You have to do anything that you need to do in order to protect your son. It may not worry you now but their closenness may eventually lead to him treating women the same way he see's your husband treatig you. You have a couple of options. 1. Go to a shelter. Which I can tell you are not damaging to children. Because I have been there before. There will be lots of toys and other children for your son to play with. 2. You can go stay with your mother. or 3. You can wait until your husband becomes physically abusive again and this time call the police. With the police report you can get an order of protection, saying that your husband cannot come back to your home or with in 500 yard of you or your son. Not allowing you medical care is also against the law in many states. Get out now, you and your son deserve better.

I hope you found a way out. I have felt trapped before, but not that extremely. I don't have family, few friends & fear losing a job again due to my "ex" whom I just had arrested. Interesting about him not wanting you to know about $, finding porn, etc. Sounds like my ex. We had joint checking so when he went to the massage parlors or topless bars, I was in fact paying for that garbage. This guy is a sex addict (not that he likes sex alot) but porn & things similar to what my ex did show a deviant behavior. My ex was arrested last night for domestic violence and geez, I found a porn page on the computer as he is too stupid to even hide his tracks, or maybe doesn't want to. I am going to get away once the legal system opens tomorrow. Please take care of yourself & your son. It is not good for him to see you abused either as he may grow up to be an abuser because it seemed "OK" when growing up.