I am so sorry you feel down. I was 2 days from finalizing my divorce and basically had a breakdown and couldn't go through with it. That was last week. I agreed to go to counseling and I am not sure it is going to work, had one session and it didn't start off on the right foot. Talk it through with your counselor. I should have listened to mine, she told me the grief and pain and saddness I was feeling was normal and due to the loss of what you have been so familiar with, healthy or not.

I will give you the recommendation my therapist gave me (which I did not take), don't make a decision while you are emotional, make a decision when you are more clear headed as it might just be your emotions.

I may or may not be right but hopefully it will make you feel a little better to know you are not alone.

Sending HUGS!!!

momx3a ------


I'm sorry your in such pain.

Do what you've gotta do.
Just keep this in mind:

Abusers losing a victim
will say and so ANYTHING
that might lure their escaping
victim back into their control.

Everything they say and do
in that effort is a LIE.

The only way abusers change
is to get WORSE, ESPECIALLY
when a victim who managed to
escape
returns.

It's understandable that you
want your life back
but WITHOUT the abuse.

That will never happen
when your partner is
an abuser.

Leaving abuse is one of
the hardest things in the
world, to get through.
The only thing harder
is living your whole life
under the roof of abuse.

Everyone is entitled to her
own decisions and choices
and you're certainly
entitled to yours.

Please make them
taking the very best
care of yourself.

Hugs and healing prayers!

I left while in an emotionally low time and wanna go back but he says he hates me and never wants to c me again. He wont even let me go to get my things, i have a house full of furniture and belongings that he says i can only get with a moving company. At first he named 2 people that i could let get it but he has now changed his mind and said only a moving company and I'm not allowed there when they go

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Do you have a place to stay?

Please call this number:

(573) 634-4161


It's your state's
domestic violence resource center.

You could use some
serious support and
they will get it for you!

Most abusers hoover their victims back being extremely nice. Yours on the other hand is being really nasty and treating you like dirt. He knows you are dying to go back so he doesn't need to be nice. If you would ignore him and tell him you don't want him back, he will probably turn around and start using the 'being nice' tactic.

If you go back now that you are shoing you are desperate to go back he will treat you so bad. He already knows he has total control over you and that is when they will do whatever they want with you. Been there, done that!

Be very careful and really try to think hard about going back. It won't be pretty.

Hope you make the right choice for yourself :) Hugs

Gigi is right.... if you feel like going back to him is the right thing to do, ignore him and move on with ypur life. It may take a while, depending on his particular patterns, but he will come crawling back and will be nice to you. It is much safer to return to welcoming arms than anything else.

I definitely understand what your feeling. When I left. I began questioning why I left the way I did, but this past time I stuck it out and have not returned. Even so I still sometimes miss certain things and feel emotionally attached still. To truly understand the abusive cycle you need to listen to Gigi12 above. Her post is right. He isn't even wanting you to return, he's not even sorry for what he put you thru to make you leave. Do you really want to return to this man knowing he feels this way? He will get worse. hugs and strength to you!

I agree with the others. Do call that number Ilene gave you, that will give you some on the ground support. You are entitled to your stuff, he can't just hold it to ransom like that. But his choice to do so proves what Gigi said - he knows he doesn't need to be nice to you to recapture you. If you start to back off, he will no doubt change his tactics.

Please take good care of yourself.

Yesterday was a terrible day! He plays with my mind and emotions so much. I cried all day!

I am sorry for your pain. I really have no advice, I am kind of in a low point myself, but I just wanted to say I feel for you and I hope something happens to make things brighter for you. Healing hugs.

"What Joanie said"... Hope you are feeling a little better today.

oh girlie Im so sorry you feel this way. I felt that way when I was leaving with most of my stuff, but almost 3 weeks later it does get easier. Mine so begged me to come back and give him another chance, he was wrong and so sorry. Well this last few days are dont worry about me Im fine, dont need anyone, blah, blah, blah. So his nice didnt work so now its poor pityful me. got off work today and went to a garage sale and didnt have to tell anyone or worry if I was gonna be in trouble for getting home 30 mins late. IT WAS AWESOME going to enjoy my weekend and do what I want when I want. Hang in there

volley

Oh Yeah Volley.......it is awesome to do the smallest things and not worry isn't it? I have been out almost a year now.....but there have been days I have just had to kind of "write off" and just live through.
A very good friend (with his own mental health issues) who saw what was happening to me long before I did...said to me once that I would probably have days and days that I would wake up feeling awful and sick and like I wish I hadn't woken up at all......and then one morning I would wake up and I wouldn't feel like that!
He was right.......and I still have to write off the odd day.....but less and less frequently :)
Please stay strong it IS worth it!
xx

""""" He has said he would have went to counseling with me before i left """"""

Do u know why he's said this to you?

He's said it to punish you!

"Oh well now your going to have to live with what ifs and I will make sure you know it"

Sorry but HE IS SO FULL OF BULL!!!

He wouldn't have gone to counselling with you. What only NOW that you've gone "yeah well more fool you because I was willing to work in this but now that you've gone I won't anymore!"

My ex was so like this. There was always something (when ever I ended it) where he would make me regret it.

I lasting theme was this... All I wanted in my relationship was for him to sort his life out and commit to me. He constantly promised to buy us a house so we could live together. He never ever did. Every time I had enough and would say "I can't wait any longer, I think we should take a break!" He would say the following "that's fine, you always do the right thing you. I'm moving into my own place next month regardless, with or without you. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me. I need to sort my life out for me."

It worked lots of times. I would think "I might as well hang on then" so I did. But he NEVER sorted out his life.

Your abuser doesn't want to work at things, never has and never will. Not even with you leaving and him saying

"And I was willing to go to counselling as well before you left but now you can forget it!"

It's like a free good boy badge! He's not actually been or done anything to warrant this good boy image, being a decent person and doing the right thing, but now that he has a get out claws "well I'm not going now because YOU have ruined it by leaving" he is using this to create an image where he looks like the stable one willing to work on the relationship, you look like the fool who has bailed on him without trying and to too it all off he gets to punish you and create reverse psychology on you to MAKE you want to go back to him!

Sweetheart let me remind you, you left him. You left him for a reason, a very good valid personal reason. When I ended it with my ex, do u think I was calm or emotional? I was emotional!

I was fed up. I had enough of him. I was upset, angry and quite frankly couldn't take anymore if it.

I think confused was referring more to her situation as in making the decision to go back to her husband because she was so upset about the ending of her marriage.

Leaving abuse is never on the terms of cool, calm and togetherness logic, it is always when your emotionally screaming inside your head "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, NO MORE!!"