Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
He sensed something was up. He kept asking me if I had something to tell him. The kids were still awake I didn't want to. We went into another room and I just told him. He got very upset and was pleading w me.
He was following me around. Then made his dinner while I was getting the kids ready for bed. He was nervous and upset. I felt bad for him. He started asking what else he cld do. I said nothing, at this point. I've tried. I've got nothing left. I can't give any more time. I'm not staying in a loveless marriage.
He asked abt how I've said I love him n things are getting better n I said how I wanted to have things get fixed. And he asked if that was all lies. I said no. I meant it. But I'm realizing its not going to happen. I'm real sad abt it. He asked abt the house. I said well do what's best. He asked if I told my mom. I said no. You are the first one I'm gonna tell. He asked if I called the atty. I said no. One thing at a time. I've been thinking in the
Intermittent space I've been getting and over the last 6 months Ive come to this decision.
He's been pacing around. Going downstairs and then coming back up. He's getting angry. Asking me again if everything I've said was lies that I wanted things to work out etc. I said. Now ur calling me a liar. Nice THIS is what I'm talking about. I said I DID want things to work out. But they're not. He asked if we can talk later. I said no. Then he says u drop a bomb on me like this n then shut me out?! I said drop a bomb??? Ugh so I agreed to talk but only for 10 minutes. I said it's too emotionally draining to talk until midnight.
It's like how he got when we first separated in October. He's up and down. Pacing. Crying. Then angry. Then mushy wanting to lay w the girls before bed. He's emotionally all over.
Sorry if this is do disjointed. I'm just laying with my girls he went back downstairs.
I feel this is the right thing for me and the girls. I'm calling the attorney tomorrow to get the papers and serve him. It's another 90 day waiting period then before we can proceed. I can't even imagine...
He was following me around. Then made his dinner while I was getting the kids ready for bed. He was nervous and upset. I felt bad for him. He started asking what else he cld do. I said nothing, at this point. I've tried. I've got nothing left. I can't give any more time. I'm not staying in a loveless marriage.
He asked abt how I've said I love him n things are getting better n I said how I wanted to have things get fixed. And he asked if that was all lies. I said no. I meant it. But I'm realizing its not going to happen. I'm real sad abt it. He asked abt the house. I said well do what's best. He asked if I told my mom. I said no. You are the first one I'm gonna tell. He asked if I called the atty. I said no. One thing at a time. I've been thinking in the
Intermittent space I've been getting and over the last 6 months Ive come to this decision.
He's been pacing around. Going downstairs and then coming back up. He's getting angry. Asking me again if everything I've said was lies that I wanted things to work out etc. I said. Now ur calling me a liar. Nice THIS is what I'm talking about. I said I DID want things to work out. But they're not. He asked if we can talk later. I said no. Then he says u drop a bomb on me like this n then shut me out?! I said drop a bomb??? Ugh so I agreed to talk but only for 10 minutes. I said it's too emotionally draining to talk until midnight.
It's like how he got when we first separated in October. He's up and down. Pacing. Crying. Then angry. Then mushy wanting to lay w the girls before bed. He's emotionally all over.
Sorry if this is do disjointed. I'm just laying with my girls he went back downstairs.
I feel this is the right thing for me and the girls. I'm calling the attorney tomorrow to get the papers and serve him. It's another 90 day waiting period then before we can proceed. I can't even imagine...
As for his actions when you told him, it's just more of the same "me, me, me, me, me" from him. You said you wanted to try to work things out, when you realised they can't work out that proves you a liar. Won't be long before you have been a liar through the entire marriage, never loved him, never cared for him and probably have a new man waiting in the wings. Because why else would you not be falling at his feet in adoration of the wonder that is him and the crumbs he has deigned to throw you over the last few months?
Don't trust his emotions. He will do/say/"feel" whatever he thinks will get the desired reaction.
Yes I saw right away how his reaction was very selfish. I know it's a lot to process. But this comes as no surprise. Or at least it shouldn't be. I'm preparing myself for him to twist and manipulate things. He's pulled that before - asking if I've been unhappy for our entire marriage too.
My guard is up and I feel a bit stronger this time. I'm not backing down.
As for the surprise, abusive types are ALWAYS "blindsided" by their victim wanting out. No matter what has gone before, no matter the explanations, the discussions, no matter what they've done, what we've said. Because they never really believe it until it happens. In your case, you wavered once before so he "knows" you will waver again, he just has to find the right button to push. So expect a LOT of somewhat random button pushing as he tries to figure out which actions, words or emotions are going to work this time.
You are stronger now, you are more certain now. But he's never going to see that, all he will see is that he has to change tactics to make you back down. Hang in there, expect a bumpy ride and that way if it goes smoothly you will be pleasantly surprised. :-)
My stbx did the EXACT same thing when he saw I was d.o.n.e.
Grabbed his head and slid down the wall like some over-the-top soap opera.
I finally filed and by the end of June I will have peace of mind of not being married to him.
Watch out though, he's probably gonna try to use the kids.
Mine were asking if I was gonna get remarried (wonder where they got that random thought from...)
You go!
Big ole hug!!!
Sure, he wanted you to take your time to make up your mind. But of course, you could only decide in favor of staying! So typical.
I'm so sorry for the place you are in now, but this pain and stress will pave the way to a more peaceful future.
Stay safe
I totally recognized all the
reactions you described.
. . . . totally typical abuser
at risk of losing his
(or her) victim. . . . . . .
Please be alert and careful.
It's probable that as he sees
you're not backing down, his
"reactions" ----- TACTICS -----
will change from erratic to
mostly furious and rageful.
Remember. . . . . . an abuser
at risk of losing his (her) victim
will say and do ANYTHING
to PREVENT that from happening.
I repeat. . . . . . ANYTHING.
Practice SELF-CARE
at every moment.
Please know that I am
here for you!
Not all, yet some men will go for custody just so they can take your loves ones away. He may have told also to document everything and record conversations, so be tactful in your responses.
Continue to stand your ground, your kids will thank you someday...
I went to IC today and she told me to not rehash over and over. Stick with "I" statements, one or 2 sentences and stop the Convo. Like, I'm not happy. I'm not happy in the marriage anymore. He can't technically have a comeback for that. (Ideally). Because its my feelings. I'm not saying anything about him where he can try and make some more promises.
Truly wishing you best through this, Blaine