Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
The past few weeks have been a full blown mess, but I'm trying to sort through it. I got my legal issues taken care of and got enrolled at my local university. I still feel absolutely terrible about leaving my relationship though. My friends and family have finally given up trying to help me through my depression, trying to console me and tell me I did the right thing, in fact, most of them literally wrote me out of their lives. I know I did the right thing, most of the time. The remaining time I spent utterly regretting my decision, thinking maybe I should go back and try to work through things just so I don't feel alone, just so I can have all the good back and so maybe, I might feel like I mean something to someone. I know this is an absolute recipe for heartache and more abuse, but I can't kick the good times. I miss it and fear that I will never find anyone that embodies the good that made me fall so hard for him in the first place. I'm terrified he's moved on and everything I wanted him to be for me, he's going to be for her. I'm scared I will never find anyone that accepts me for my faults, that I'll never find anyone I'm so attracted to, that I'll never find anyone that won't hurt me, and even worse, that if I do find him...he's going to leave me.
I made a list of everything he did to me that I refuse to put up with in future relationships, and another of all the things he did that I didn't deserve. I read them often to try and keep my head on straight. It works sometimes...the rest of the time I just feel lonely and sad. I'm terrified of everything. I'm super skeptical of anyone that hits on me and I just don't feel anything for them anyways. I'm still in love with him and he was my first for a lot (first boyfriend I lived with, truly fell in love with, introduced to my family, got a joint bank account with, got a pet together). I really don't want to be without him, I just couldn't take what he did to me for months and him putting me in the hospital. What do I do?
I really just want this pain to stop, I can't keep living like this. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know how to get myself back. I'm pretty desperate here...
I made a list of everything he did to me that I refuse to put up with in future relationships, and another of all the things he did that I didn't deserve. I read them often to try and keep my head on straight. It works sometimes...the rest of the time I just feel lonely and sad. I'm terrified of everything. I'm super skeptical of anyone that hits on me and I just don't feel anything for them anyways. I'm still in love with him and he was my first for a lot (first boyfriend I lived with, truly fell in love with, introduced to my family, got a joint bank account with, got a pet together). I really don't want to be without him, I just couldn't take what he did to me for months and him putting me in the hospital. What do I do?
I really just want this pain to stop, I can't keep living like this. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know how to get myself back. I'm pretty desperate here...
I'm not going to get into this any further, since emotions are too high which doesn't help me and probably won't make for a constructive conversation.
See ya around I guess......
hetaira.....i get it, you are not into gratuitous name calling or bashing, but you cannot ask us to censor ourselves because some delicate flower might wander onto this site and be scared away by grownup language. any profanity i have seen on this site as been directed at an abuser in a voice of pain and frustration, hostility towards others on this site simply wouldn't be tolerated, so are you suggesting all of my adjective choices about a sociopath should have the i's dotted with hearts? i will not take responsibility for someone being scared off by my words because they can always choose to stop reading, or read one of the other million posts just like mine all over the site. i will not take responsibility for an abuser scared to reach out for help because they fear being ostracized, they SHOULD feel ostracized as far as i'm concerned. i'm sure that doesn't fit in with your gentle worldview (that is not sarcasm) but that is where i am at, i honesty don't care about an abuser's journey towards discovery and this is not the forum to ask me to care about it.
i don't think it's fair to slot cant74deal under the heading "anger issues." anger because of violation is justifiable anger. just plain old, workaday anger. if cant74deal flipped over tables at a burger king regularly i would say perhaps there are issues there, but being angry because someone hurt you and getting angry because you are again being hurt in a similar way does not constitute 'anger issues.' but if you are suggesting that any of us that write passionately and colorfully about anger could somehow cause someone reading it to go out and hurt someone and that is somehow OUR responsibility is unfair and ludicrous.
cant74deal whatever is happening here is not a personal attack, and i don't feel you were being called an abuser because i would be going NUTS if that happened. people have different ideas around language and emotions, it stands to reason the combination would be a hotbed of controversy.
I'm not sure how long you were in the relationship with your ex. My son was with his last gf for 5 years. They started dating right after high school, and it continued for the next 5 years. He thought they would eventually get married and have children. They talked about it and planned. Then one day his world shattered and came to an abrupt halt.....she broke up with him. I've never seen him sob so hard in my life. He felt like he could not live without her. He was 24. That was a bit over one year ago. He has since met someone else and enjoys her company.
The point in all that is that breakups are hard. They're devastating at any age.....21, 24, 50. Unfortunately, we have to go through the pain and come out on the other side. We have to mourn.
You also have the issue of abuse. Feel comfort in knowing you made the right decision. We all had good times with our ex's. We wouldn't have married them or chose them as our significant others if we didn't.
One thing that will help you is therapy. My son saw a therapist, and still does. He helped him get through the loss of his gf and move forward. You did the right thing; now it's time for you to focus on you.