Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Most of the time I just take it. I take the words and the manipulation and I swallow it down and do nothing. I let it eat me up from the inside. Well last night I snapped. Tired of him doing things that would never be acceptable for me to do yet I have to accept. And if I voice my disapproval I am a fat f**g cow, and a spoiled c**t, and a stupid bitch and any number of other horrible degrading things you should never say to a person you "love." Then comes the intimidation, and while this man has only on very rare occasion done anything physical, he likes to get in my face, or block me from leaving a room or tell me he'd like to punch me right in the face. Well I snapped, and I hit him...several times. Although I feel like I have been pushed over and over to get to this point...it is not an excuse and it is not me. I feel I am now a hypocrite for condemning his behavior. And now today it is all about me, how I am the bad one and not him. I feel like I am going crazy. I need out of this but everytime I get afraid, I get talked ut of it and I give in. It is escalating and making me behave in ways I am ashamed of. Has anyone else ever snapped?
" Between stimulus and response there is a space, within that space is our ability to choose our response. In that response lies our growth and our freedom."
( Viktor E. Frankl)
Forgive yourself and move on. I believe turning into somebody we don't want to be is the worst part of abuse. I also think that is the abuser's goal in the first place.
Hugs to you!
Getting you to cross a line
was a turn-on for him.
He incited you and
you took the bait.
That's all.
Please get yourself
the support you need
to get out of this.
Threatening you and
blocking your exit are
criminal offences. If
he can do these things,
what won't he do?
You are in danger.
Please get yourself
the support you need
to get out of this.
And please be careful.
This is from a chapter on Recovery from Verbal Abuse, and she's discussing what methods DON"T work to deal with abuse and why:
What doesn't work: Trying to tell the abuser how you feel, Trying to explain what really happened or what you meant, Trying harder, Ignoring the Abuse, Abusing Back, and Believing nonsense.
On "Abusing Back" as a method that doesn't work, here is what she says:
"Some people who are subject to verbal abuse, especially the overt kind like name calling, may try to abuse back, as if to say, "You call me a name, I'll call you a worse one, or maybe beat you up. This only subjects (the victim) to escalation, greater confusion, and feelings of guilt, and of course, more blame. Abusing back doesn't work. Healing comes with the realization that abusing back solves nothing. Sometimes a video camera does."
I feel for you, I am also in an abusive relationship but in the final planning stages of leaving. If you want to talk p.m. me anytime. Above all keep yourself safe, and remember beating yourself up for "snapping" only means you're now suffering from two sources of abuse, your partner and yourself. Forgive yourself and tune out blaming, accusing messages from him. Hugs