Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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tierra4 02/10/2010

I tell you i have been going through an emotional rollercoaster these past few days.
I came to the conclusion i must be in the grieving stage.
Not regretting marriage ending just the fact that it didnt work out if that makes sense.
My stomach is in knots even now.
Yesterday i blew up at him because h trying to play the helpless card ", guess i'll have to live in hotel for year "blah,blah,blah
Guess what? I fell for it but not in the way he had hoped. I started looking for places for him to stay (problem solved)
Today I went on his site? page? whatever you call it and pulled up his history onlinebootycall.com the last thing he looked at LAST NITE YA'LL!
Boy i dont know what im feelin now. mad, pissed, just tripping!
He doesnt know i can get to his history or h would have deleted.
I am going to kick his (i want to say it but you get the point) butt. Because of this little tid bit,My baby boy told me last nite daddy loves you mommie .
HE WENT TOO FAR! DONT MESS WITH MY BABBIES!
Wait til tonight (i probably wont will try to though)
He thought he could dish it out that low down not good son of a biscuit eater doesnt know HOW to do it right .
I got this. Im gonna show him how to play a mind game
You want to test me? mess with me? after i give you all the love,affection,trust and 3 beautiful children. Then you have the nerve to TRY to use them OH HEEELL NAW!!!!!!!!!
Im soooo pissed soooo done man and he just called sounding all hurt and crap. man ump,ump,ump.
Ya'll he just dont know, im loosin' it here.
I mean really loosin' it.
He GOTTA GO If he cant find a place find a hole but if he has any sense he'll stay the H away from me. Ya'll im so mad im crying and smilin', man he put my babies in this NO! I dont think so.
Sorry just realize im gettin too hot for my own good.
I will breath deeply and just enjoy my new game :)'
I've always admitted to being a little crazy.
I kinda like crazy today (crazy not stupid)
Bye for now.

calmzone 02/10/2010

tierra, sorry you have to go through this. It is maddening. The only thing I can say is since you're still in the situation for now, do what you can keep the drama to a minimum ~ for your and your kid's sakes.

I know he creates it, but the best thing to do is disengage as much as possible, enjoy the kids, keep making your plans, etc.. The kids will look toward the functional parent for guidance in this chaotic existence ~ and kids thrive on stability.

I would not confront him, it won't mean anything to him, and it'll just get your blood pressure up. The best 'revenge' is getting the message across that you no longer care to engage his abuse. It's hard to 'act' like things don't bother you, but you might find with practice, it gets easier. Your therapist will help you deal with the big time frustration that naturally comes with having to live with someone like this.
It's Funny that you helped him look for another place to stay! I'm sure he didn't expect that!

You say the marriage is ending, best to start trying to find some peace and realize he isn't worth anymore of your time and thoughts than absolutely necessary.

clearbreakofday 02/10/2010

I agree with calm. It's messed up he messing with your babies but don't engage him. He doesn't deserve any of your precious energy, Tierra.

Livndadrem 02/10/2010

Me three. It is SO tempting to want to get back, to prove something, to show them. But because they aren't normal, it never really works. They don't get it, they don't see anything but themselves and their own games. He won't see that you are a strong woman who has had enough. He will just see that he has to adjust his game.

He will drive you nuts if you let him. The best way to drive him nuts is to not care - fake that if you have to. Just don't engage. Get him gone and get on with life with your kids. THAT is revenge.

I do completely totally absolutely get the anger at him using the kids though. Mine has done the same, and it's still the one thing that can get my blood to boil - but the last time he did it, I didn't bother to respond (he hasn't got my boy to actually say stuff to me since he's only just 2 lol), I just drove away and haven't spoken to him since. That was October. He still tries occasionally, through emails, to use my son as a tool or a weapon. And yes, when he does, it makes me angry. But I don't show him that. I don't respond. I just keep the email for a time when I may need to show a court that he is not a fit father.

deleted_user 02/10/2010

Vent here, Vent to your friends, Vent to your therapist BUT take it from me don't touch him physically at all. I almost went to jail due to a change in the law. I don't know how it is in your state, but I found out that in mine (TN) that whoever makes the first contact goes to jail! (I slapped mine after he raised his fist to me)....Be smart, stay on the down-low, bid your time. Get all the information you can on how to get rid of him and put some money aside so you and the kids can leave if need be. I can only imagine how P.O.d you must be. But you can beat him at his own game by staying cool and using your brain! I wouldn't even let him know you "know what you know". As long as he stays in the dark, you can watch him better and pretty soon he will trip up but good. You know what they say "Keep your friends close and your enemies CLOSER". Now might be a good time to open a secret bank account for yourself. At the very least, even if you have very little money to put in it, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you took a step in the right direction. You hang in there! HUGS

tierra4 02/10/2010

yeah i did get a little hot there guys, but dont worry im usually rather rational (which tends to drive him nuts)
so ill just be my sweet little ole self love God,Jesus,my babies and myself.
my hope wont die it will just get stronger.
thanks for the backup and i have had the tax money sent to my moms account (heh, heh, heh)
he'll get his cut in due time to either move into the car, hotel, place, room,or hole.
Im smilin cause i really dont care.
he only bothers me when i have to smell...be near him.
but i (we) will survive.

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