Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was abused emotionally, physically and verbally by my mother when I was growing up. She could be extremely mean when she wanted to and showed no remorse for anything she ever did.
So yesterday, my kids went and played with the neighbours kids at their house and my son was sent home for locking the girls (theirs and mine) in the bedroom. He (my son) said he didnt do it, but I think he probably did it for a joke that backfired - he is 8yrs. The girls werent scared, but were annoyed. It seems all their bedroom doors have slider bolts on the outside. This sent chills up my spine as my bedroom door growing up had a slider bolt on the outside. My nieces would come in and destroy my things as the door handle was really low, so the bolt was put on to keep them out, but my mother used it to punish me sometimes by locking me in my room, it was all too easy for her. I got all panicky, heart racing, adrenalin rush, etc. I called out for my other kids to come home from their place, because I didnt want them there, but I didnt say that. Their mother then came over to try and explain as she could tell I was upset about something. I was so worked up, I had to get my husband to deal with it because I just couldnt. She reasoned the locks being on their bedroom doors as burglar protection. If some one breaks in to their house through the bedroom windows then they cant get into the main part of the house. I suppose that works in theory. I just find the idea of locks on the bedroom doors as weird and creepy but Im probably being paranoid because of my experiences. Although I do wonder if her rushing over hear to explain it isnt her way of protecting something. He (their father) is a bit strange, he didnt like our dog barking and complained, didnt like the kids talking over the fence and would tell both sets of kids to get off the fence, wont look at us in the eye and if he is outside when you go outside, he goes inside. So I don't know what to think, my husband thinks their excuse is rational however I'm not convinced. I'm probably just freaking out over my past, but I'm suspicious and don't really want my kids over there but I know that's not fair to the kids, theirs or ours. What do you do when you feel like this? How do you handle your demons?
So yesterday, my kids went and played with the neighbours kids at their house and my son was sent home for locking the girls (theirs and mine) in the bedroom. He (my son) said he didnt do it, but I think he probably did it for a joke that backfired - he is 8yrs. The girls werent scared, but were annoyed. It seems all their bedroom doors have slider bolts on the outside. This sent chills up my spine as my bedroom door growing up had a slider bolt on the outside. My nieces would come in and destroy my things as the door handle was really low, so the bolt was put on to keep them out, but my mother used it to punish me sometimes by locking me in my room, it was all too easy for her. I got all panicky, heart racing, adrenalin rush, etc. I called out for my other kids to come home from their place, because I didnt want them there, but I didnt say that. Their mother then came over to try and explain as she could tell I was upset about something. I was so worked up, I had to get my husband to deal with it because I just couldnt. She reasoned the locks being on their bedroom doors as burglar protection. If some one breaks in to their house through the bedroom windows then they cant get into the main part of the house. I suppose that works in theory. I just find the idea of locks on the bedroom doors as weird and creepy but Im probably being paranoid because of my experiences. Although I do wonder if her rushing over hear to explain it isnt her way of protecting something. He (their father) is a bit strange, he didnt like our dog barking and complained, didnt like the kids talking over the fence and would tell both sets of kids to get off the fence, wont look at us in the eye and if he is outside when you go outside, he goes inside. So I don't know what to think, my husband thinks their excuse is rational however I'm not convinced. I'm probably just freaking out over my past, but I'm suspicious and don't really want my kids over there but I know that's not fair to the kids, theirs or ours. What do you do when you feel like this? How do you handle your demons?
You've experienced this before. If your gut instinct is telling you something is off, let your instinct be your guide. Better safe than sorry. Err on the side of caution.
So, how do you deal with the kids? Let their kids come over where you can observe or let your kids go over but not go inside.
I don't know what your relationship is with the mother of the children next door, but if you know her well, explain to her that you have an issue with the lock thing and you don't want your kids to ever lock any of the others inside. Put the onus on you. Say YOU'RE not comfortable with it...
Sorry. Getting carried away. Listen to your gut. I cannot imagine sliding bolts on the outsides of doors.
How many people don't pay attention to their gut reactions and are so sorry later. I'd take Liane's advice and have their kids over to your house for whatever reason. But do listen to your gut reaction about the man - if something feels wrong for your kids it just may be.