Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I went to see my pastor last week and after trying everything I can think of, he told me that I should get divorce papers and fill them out and then tell him that if he is not going to make changes, then I will have to file them. I have told him before that he needed to change and given him ultimatums, but never followed through. I went and got the papers and called an attorney but I can not afford to hire one. I no longer have control over the finances and he is racking up the credit cards. I do not want to take a chance of loosing my boys and one of my friends told me that it would not happen because too many people have witnessed the way he treats the boys, but I am scared. I am also very afraid to even begin to tell him. He thinks that every time I talk to another man, that they are going to try to take me from him. I am a teacher and he has even begun to think that some of the fathers that are single are flirting with me. I feel like I can not talk to anyone and have to account for every minute of my day. He texts me if I am not home when he thinks that I should be and if I don't answer his texts, then he is upset.
I know that I need to get away from him, but I do not think that he will leave me alone even if I get him to leave the house. I am afraid that he will follow me and start trouble with the men that he "thinks" are flirting with me. I am worried that he will seriously hurt my oldest boy worse than he already has. He threw a microscope at him last week while my step daughter's little girl was in the same room. He also has guns that he keeps under his side of the bed. I have no money to begin to think of divorce
I know that I need to get away from him, but I do not think that he will leave me alone even if I get him to leave the house. I am afraid that he will follow me and start trouble with the men that he "thinks" are flirting with me. I am worried that he will seriously hurt my oldest boy worse than he already has. He threw a microscope at him last week while my step daughter's little girl was in the same room. He also has guns that he keeps under his side of the bed. I have no money to begin to think of divorce
This sounds like a very scary man, so you do need to be really careful. I wish I had more to say, other than that I don't see you losing your kids. It's a standard abuser tactic to say that if you leave you cannot take the kids or that if you do have the kids they will win custody. They pretty much all say it, but if you have proof of abuse, it's highly HIGHLY unlikely that you will lose them.
Please contact a DV shelter for advice on a safety plan and a safe exit plan.
Australia:
Lifeline 13 11 14 - Crisis Support, Suicide Prevention, Mental Health Support.
Womens Domestic Violence Helpline (08) 9223 1188 Free call 1800 007 339
Mens Domestic Violence Helpline (08) 9223 1199 Free call 1800 000 599
National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counseling Line 24 hours: 1800 RESPECT or 1800 737 732
Kids' Helpline 1800 55 1800
UK:
24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247
SupportLine: 01708 765200 confidential emotional support to Children, Young People and Adults on any issue including domestic violence. Keeps details of other agencies, support groups and counsellors throughout the UK.
Childline: 0800 1111 Free national helpline for Children and Young People in danger or distress.
ManKind Initiative offers a national helpline at 01823 334244.
Canada:
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-363-9010
USA:
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women specializes in supporting male victims of abuse and offers a 24-hour helpline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)
http://www.usattorneylegalservices.com/domestic-violence-shelters.html
but clearly doesn't have a
grounding in the dangers
of domestic violence.
Go straight to your women's center
or women's aid center with what
you wrote in this post.
DON'T DELAY.
DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your fears are telling you that he is dangerous. And so if you pack up your boys and the few items that you cannot bare to see destroyed, and you go to a women's shelter or a Domestic Violence shelter, they will be able to protect you from this dangerous man.
There is legal advice out there for you even if you can't afford an attorney. With legal advice you can show the judge how dangerous your husband is, and the judge will not separate you from your boys. He/she will see that you are a good mother for protecting your boys from the abuse of your husband.
But first you need to seek safety. Call the DV shelter, gather your stuff, and leave. Once the abuser knows that you are leaving, they become the most dangerous. That's why it is so critical for you to do what the other women said.
I'm sorry your husband treats you and your children so bad. I know what it's like to have a husband who gets angry at you for talking to other men or even saying hello. It's not your fault and you didn't do anything to deserve this. Like your pastor said, he won't change. But you need to get yourself and your children to a DV shelter for safety. Your fears are warning you about his danger, because you know your husband better than anyone else.