Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I posted much of this on the Infidelity board, but wanted to post here too. My H is such an ass! He is the one who had an affair, but his insecurity lives on, and the abuse is only getting worse.
1 - This time, I noticed that he cleared the Internet browsing history from our computer. He does this rather frequently. I discovered he was looking at internet porn again!! This is a new porn site that I found this time. I found this out b/c our IE version allows tabbed browsing, and it lists the most frequently visited websited (another reason not to access DS from home PC). That site was about #6 in the list. Grrr...
2 - last night, he wanted to "know me" in the biblical sense. I am no longer physically attracted to this man because he is so mean, and always tries to manipulate and control me. Yet, I know if I say no, or turn him down, it will be all hell to pay. So I did. Then a few minutes after, he asks me if my wrists were hurting (I've just seen a doctor for repetitive motion injury) and I said yes - they hurt every day. He asks if I can do any exercises for them. I just looked at him. Then he goes on to say that he's bored with the same stuff in bed and that other husbands talk about the creative things their wives do in bed. He said, "ok, don't expect me to be happy" WTF!!! A-hole! Then he goes on to say that I'm frumpy! and he thinks it is all because I have poor body image. OMG - this is not even one week after he tells me that I dress too provocatively and I only do it for attention! it's making me crazy! No, I don't have poor body image. I know I'm attractive and many men would likely agree. WTF am I doing with this man! Oh yeah, 2 mortgages and a rental house. I'm financially bound.
3 - Then earlier last night, I was getting my son out of the bath and he asks me if I've ever met anyone from Indianapolis. I said no, not that I know of. Why do you ask? He said that he was just wondering. I thought it quite strange, but didn't think much else of it. I asked if he's met anyone from there, and he said that he had. I said ok, and dropped it. Then, just an hour ago, he sends me an email to my work account asking me who I know that would be calling me from a 317 area code! OMG -- he went through my cell phone! That insecure little shit! FYI -- the call from the 317 area code is from my personal health coach that calls me every 6 weeks to monitor health progress, fitness and nutrition goals.
4 - He got mad at me for taking our son to the bookstore and getting some books for him. He asked which books we were going to get rid of. (Um, none?) He yells every time I spend money on myself or our son. But, 1 hour later, I went to the grocery store and got a text from him that he and son were going to Target. What did he come home with? A new light saber from Star Wars! Him trying to control my finances and take all my spending money out of my control is almost too much for me to take.
I am at the very end of my rope!!! Now him on the other hand, he keeps his cell phone locked up tighter than Fort Knox and I am not allowed within a 3 foot radius of it. Who does he think he is!!! I am so ready to break something right now! UGH! So disgusted and ANGRY! Make it STOP!
1 - This time, I noticed that he cleared the Internet browsing history from our computer. He does this rather frequently. I discovered he was looking at internet porn again!! This is a new porn site that I found this time. I found this out b/c our IE version allows tabbed browsing, and it lists the most frequently visited websited (another reason not to access DS from home PC). That site was about #6 in the list. Grrr...
2 - last night, he wanted to "know me" in the biblical sense. I am no longer physically attracted to this man because he is so mean, and always tries to manipulate and control me. Yet, I know if I say no, or turn him down, it will be all hell to pay. So I did. Then a few minutes after, he asks me if my wrists were hurting (I've just seen a doctor for repetitive motion injury) and I said yes - they hurt every day. He asks if I can do any exercises for them. I just looked at him. Then he goes on to say that he's bored with the same stuff in bed and that other husbands talk about the creative things their wives do in bed. He said, "ok, don't expect me to be happy" WTF!!! A-hole! Then he goes on to say that I'm frumpy! and he thinks it is all because I have poor body image. OMG - this is not even one week after he tells me that I dress too provocatively and I only do it for attention! it's making me crazy! No, I don't have poor body image. I know I'm attractive and many men would likely agree. WTF am I doing with this man! Oh yeah, 2 mortgages and a rental house. I'm financially bound.
3 - Then earlier last night, I was getting my son out of the bath and he asks me if I've ever met anyone from Indianapolis. I said no, not that I know of. Why do you ask? He said that he was just wondering. I thought it quite strange, but didn't think much else of it. I asked if he's met anyone from there, and he said that he had. I said ok, and dropped it. Then, just an hour ago, he sends me an email to my work account asking me who I know that would be calling me from a 317 area code! OMG -- he went through my cell phone! That insecure little shit! FYI -- the call from the 317 area code is from my personal health coach that calls me every 6 weeks to monitor health progress, fitness and nutrition goals.
4 - He got mad at me for taking our son to the bookstore and getting some books for him. He asked which books we were going to get rid of. (Um, none?) He yells every time I spend money on myself or our son. But, 1 hour later, I went to the grocery store and got a text from him that he and son were going to Target. What did he come home with? A new light saber from Star Wars! Him trying to control my finances and take all my spending money out of my control is almost too much for me to take.
I am at the very end of my rope!!! Now him on the other hand, he keeps his cell phone locked up tighter than Fort Knox and I am not allowed within a 3 foot radius of it. Who does he think he is!!! I am so ready to break something right now! UGH! So disgusted and ANGRY! Make it STOP!
You are with an abuser.
There are no good options and only one that will improve your life.
I know you love your son. Your son will not grow up healthy living with a toxic abuser.
Right now, you're living with abuse. I hope you'll decide to remove your son and yourself from living under the same roof with a toxic abuser. If you feel at some point you want to leave, don't do it before you work with a good counnselor to develop an effective safety plan.
If you don't want to leave, you'll have to learn how to survive with a toxic partner/co-parent. There's no healthy way to do this. The object will be to physically survive.
Those are your choices. If you choose to leave, life will slowly improve. If you choose to remain, life will slowly degrade.
Whichever your choice, please take care. My best to you.
Ilene
Anyone have any ideas of a person I can talk to to work out a real game plan? Financial and otherwise.