Of course you still miss him, you cannot switch off your feelings instantly. When I had my husband arrested for attached me with a knife he had bail conditions not to contact me.....I wanted to call him every day, my heart felt like it was breaking. Please don't take his calls as he is still in control of you, YOU must take control of the situation for yourself. BIG HUG and BE STRONG x

Ditto what 5x5bun says. You are still seeking some sort of acceptance by him. In time you will learn and accept that he is not worth it, but lix she says, you can't just turn that off.

You have taken the steps to rid yourself of this man...yet you're not completely rid of him emotionally. It's all part of what I call crazymaking. Yet YOU aren't crazy.
You have to FORCE yourself...block his number if you have to..but bottom line is you have to FORCE yourself to have ZERO contact with this person.
Time will pass, and it will get easier. The message you're sending him is one of hope...by continuing contact, HIS mind sees that as a hopeful sign.
Only by sending a clear, HARD message that you will have NOTHING to do with him anymore will you finally be able to put the pieces of your life back together.
It takes time..and it's RARE that someone can remain friends with their abuser, since the abuser doesn't know the MEANING OF THE WORD FRIENDSHIP. It's a power and control game, and they're the manipulators and instigators of the game.
YOU have to take complete control of you..and you DO have that power. Eventually, you'll stop missing him. The words in the songs will have no effect on you anymore, except maybe to dredge up unpleasant memories. It will pass..if you do whatever is necessary to ALLOW yourself to heal. You won't ever get completely past this as long as you continue any contact with him....
Please be strong..for yourself....Becky

It seems a little crazy because you are addicted. Crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You are in denial, a part of the grief cycle over losing something you once thought would be wonderful. Men like this are insidious. He is trying to get you back into the honeymoon phase of abuse I think.

I recently got an AVO (Aprhended Violence Order) out against my newly made ex. He cannot contact me. And though I do shamefully still miss him and wish for his calls and txts, Im glad for the peace the silence brings. Its important to have that space. The Domestic Violence police officer at my local station said that abusers are much like naughty children in the way that ANY attention is good attention, and by taking even ONE call or sending ONE txt, even per week, you are in HIS mind encouraging him, and also REMINDING him of you. She said to me, that though no response and silence is hard, it often works better than giving him attention. I know its hard, and its an agony that is unfair!! (you should not have to feel so dependant and lost without him) But try to NOT take his calls. Change your number, turn your phone off, pull it out of the wall, whatever you think will work, and be with other people. The distraction works wonders for me. Good luck and don't make rash decisions when your phone rings. xxxxx

Thanks thats really halpful. I guess your right xxxxx

Habits take a while to break and re-establish a different routine. Think of him as a habit that your mind expects to be able to do. I think (???) it takes 7 weeks of not-doing something to break a habit. So your heart says GO, but the habit says : I'm expecting your call. Stand up against it, change that habit. Good luck.

I have been in the same exact position. I tried to be friends for a week or two, he began to try and take advantage again, and soon, when I tried to cut things off, he started stalking me. It got to be a nightmare. Please shut him out now while you can. Your heart will break a little less each day and soon you will see him for what he is not for what your heart sees. It seems so cruel and difficult to yourself, but it is necessary for you to be healthy and survive. BEST OF LUCK!

no. being friends with an abuser will only leave a door open for further abuse. you can be an acquaintence, but that's really only if you share something common - specifically children. abusers have something mentally disturbing going on within them to think that their behavior is acceptable, but the fact that people stay around and try to "fix" the abuser, "change" the behavior - only enables further conflict. yes, you miss him - you miss the good times and the great memories. but you can miss those things and move on with your life - learning lessons that will keep you from returning to his vicious cycle - or getting into a similar situation. be strong - do not let him prey on you with his weakness... love yourself and your future without such sadness and devisation...

I tried being friends with my abuser ex and it wasn't possible. All he wanted to talk about was "us" and then he would throw in a little dig about what kind of music I listen to or about something that was going on in my life. He didn't want to be a friend. He wanted to continue the game. The sparring, which I loathe. NO MORE DRAMA!!

You still taking his calls? Then the relationship isn't over. You can't be friends with your abuser because he doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to be your jailer.

Having said that, you aren't going crazy! We probably all did the same thing in some regards. Lavidaloca is right..force yourself to stop. Its the only way. You are hooked on the habit of him, of your life together. The more time passes the less you will need this.

Be strong and let us know how you are!