well if your paying for it communicate those things to her. How will she know if you don't tell her?

IMHO, it's critical that you feel comfortable. It's even more critical that you determine whether your discomfort is coming from your intuition or your fear of dealing w/something that is so painful. It takes time to build a trusting relationship w/a therapist and 8 sessions is probably not enough to develop that level of trust.

It is MHO that talk therapy can and does leave us feeling raw and open when we leave a session. Have you thought about finding a therapist who does heart centered hypnotherapy? The cool thing about hypno is that each session has a healing part AND more importantly, it's a safe way to revisit the traumas so you're not reliving the pain in the same way and you can do healing in the process. In my 5 yrs of hypnotherapy, I've never left a session feeling worse than when I walked in. And I almost always feel much better. Even when I leave feeling drained, it's a good kind of drained.

While you are in process of figuring things out, you could ask your therapist what modalities she plans on using in your treatment. That will give you an idea if she does anything more than talk therapy. Ask her if she recommends guided imagery and what she thinks about hypnotherapy, EMDR and EFT.

Ultimately, you have to be comfortable w/your therapist and she just might not be the right one for you. Again, I encourage you to sit w/this and determine if your discomfort is your intuition looking out for you or fear of moving into a place where you think you will have to relive the pain.
~hugs!

Mending, if it was as easy as just telling her, it would of been done by now. I have kept the sexual abuse a secret for 40 years and the rapes no one knows about either as I did not report.
I have had 3 counselors and left thwithem all before I could go into this. :(
None of the counselors had any life experience with rape, domestic abuse, addiction and only one admitted that she got what it was like growing up with an alcoholic parent, only hers was not abusive.
Maybe counseling can't really help someone like me.

Joanie, please don't give up on counseling. It just takes the right type of counselor. It's not easy to tell a counselor about what you've been thru. There is fear, shame, guilt, sadness, hurt, anger, rage and a whole mish-mash of emotions that go with these type of traumas that have been stuffed down for years. So it's important that you feel safe. Some say it takes two years to build a trusting relationship w/a therapist.

Honestly, I saw several therapists over the years, some for more than 2 yrs and while some of them helped me to survive, none of them helped me to heal except for my current therapist and one other.

I think that old saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince also applies to therapy (altho I don't advocate actually kissing the therapist, lol).

It must be challenging to bring all that up! If you're not comfortable, maybe she's not the right therapist? Or maybe it's just not the right time? Trust your gut!

Joanie, I can relate to feeling like things are just not going the way you would like.

I tried a therapist who was from a family very similar to mine (although I didn't know that until after walking in her door). She said she had been through therapy herself and understood how it felt. However, she would stop me a lot to refer to examples from her own life, and she behaved as though she was triggered by something very sensitive that I had never told anyone else.

It got to the point where I felt I was analysing her issues rather than my own, and that she wasn`t available to accept what had truly happened to me due to the personal work she herself had left undone.

I waited it out until about 12-13 sessions with her, but it was so glaringly obvious that it was going to continue to be the pattern, that I tactfully took my leave.

LOL, the frogs part is funny but also true. It`s a case of trial and error a lot of the time. Hugs xxx

Hi Joanie. I'm glad you do have a therapist now but I'm sorry you're having some difficulties with it.

I think if you don't currently feel comfortable with her enough to talk about the sexual abuse etc, then maybe wait a while until you do feel more comfortable. 8 sessions isn't particularly long and those are hard things to talk about. The discomfort could just mean you need to know her for longer.

Do you think you don't need any more help with boundaries and codependency? If you don't need any more help, then she should be told because otherwise its just wasted sessions. If you do still need help, and you don't feel confident to talk about the other things yet, then it might be worth continuing to work on boundaries etc but also using it as extra time to get to know her and get comfortable with her before bringing up the other things.

If you want to talk about the other things but don't think you can just say it, then you could just write it all down and give her it to read. I find that helps me when it's something too difficult to speak about directly. Maybe create a list of everything you want to talk about and order it in terms of how hard it is to say, and just tell her the least difficult things first. If she handles those well and helps you with them, then it might become easier to tell her the more difficult things later on.

I don't think counsellors need direct experience with rape etc to be able to help someone. For example, psychologists rarely have mental illnesses themselves but they still manage to help people who are mentally ill. Empathy and understanding of the issues and the effects they can have on someone's thought patterns and life is important, but direct experience isn't necessary.

I understand what you're saying. My daughter has been in therapy for years. Her father was an abusive alcoholic. She is now 16 and what she really needs is someone to help her develop healthy coping skills. Most therapists want her to retell her story, relive the trauma. She does not. It's been rehashed over and over again.

It may take several therapists before you find the right one. That's why there are so many out there, just like cardiologists. Not every doc is a good match.

Don't give up on the therapy. I would tell this therapist the things you want to focus on; perhaps the detachment issue. You'll know if you feel comfortable enough to talk about the other issues. At that point, don't be afraid to move on to another therapist if it simply is not working.

Not all therapists are equal
and not every wonderful
therapist is for any
particular person.

You might consider taking
a small risk and sharing
with her something a
little bit risky. See how
you feel about doing that
and about how she responds
to what you tell her.

That'll give you an inkling
about whether to proceed
any further (with her), or
not.

If you should decide this
counselor isn't for you,
I urge you to look around
for another. Many survivors
have been helped a great
deal.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
strength and
clarity.