Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been a member with this site for almost 6 years now. I lost my little girl when she was born. After I lost my little girl my ex started cheating on me because he said it was his way of dealing with the stress and because it was my fault our daughter didn't make it because he told me to get the pregnancy terminated in the first place so he started resenting me. After we broke up he couldn't handle losing me and my son so he changed his number and we haven't heard from him since.
My son took it extremely hard and so I focused on me and my son for that entire year. Last year I decided I wanted to start dating again. I went on a couple dates and they were awful. Then I started taking to this guy that moved here for school. He sounded and seemed great. We started dating and right off the bat he told me he was still in love with his ex and he couldn't give me 100% of him. He was super doubtful when it came to us right off the bat. He didn't trust me at all. I had deleted all the guys out of my phone, all the pictures out of my phone and everything. Then he would go through my phone and he would see a guy and ask who thst was. Then I had a friend start taking my son like once a week so my son could have a male figure in his life and the guy I was dating freaked out on me and said he couldn't handle that.
He then started treating me poorly, calling me names, cheating on me, lying to me and turning everything around on me. I confronted him about it and he didn't have much to say and started treating me worse. After I didn't think it could get much worse he started threatening my life and started degrading me in front of his roommates. I then found out I was pregnant. I went to go tell him and he thought I was lying and told me to get the f out of his house and to never come back and threw my orange juice across the kitchen.
A couple months went by and I hadn't really heard from him so I thought everything was going to be okay. He was going to stay out of my life for good. Then all the sudden he started calling me again and I finally answered and he told me he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I told him no and he insisted on terminating the pregnancy and told me he would do whatever it took to make sure I terminated the pregnancy. He started threatening my life again and started calling me every vial thing you can think of. So I told him I would terminate the pregnancy but he needed to help me through the process.
The day came I was supposed to terminate the pregnancy and I purposely scheduled the appointment on a day he couldn't go with me because I knew that's not what I wanted to do. So I told him I went through with it and he looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Good, I knew what to say to you to have you get it done and I said what I had to say in order for you to go through with it so I could move on with my life, now get the f out of my house" I couldn't believe he said that to me right after he thought I just terminated the pregnancy. A week later I went to his house and told him I didn't go through with the termination of the pregnancy and I was going to let his mom know what was going on and he hung up the phone on me. I have never felt so low and defeated in all my life. I have never had anyone treat me as bad as he treated me. He complete broke me and he doesn't care at all.
He told my friend that his mom said he needed to ditch me as fast as he could and he hasn't talked to me since. While we were going through the process of talking about the pregnancy he said he broke up with the girl he cheated on me with and come to find out he never did. I do know that he told her nothing but lies about me and he probably did the same thing with his mom.
A week after he completely stopped talking to me, my grandma passed away. I just don't know how I am supposed to get back up from this. I feel completely broken in every way possible and so defeated. What am I supposed to do?
My son took it extremely hard and so I focused on me and my son for that entire year. Last year I decided I wanted to start dating again. I went on a couple dates and they were awful. Then I started taking to this guy that moved here for school. He sounded and seemed great. We started dating and right off the bat he told me he was still in love with his ex and he couldn't give me 100% of him. He was super doubtful when it came to us right off the bat. He didn't trust me at all. I had deleted all the guys out of my phone, all the pictures out of my phone and everything. Then he would go through my phone and he would see a guy and ask who thst was. Then I had a friend start taking my son like once a week so my son could have a male figure in his life and the guy I was dating freaked out on me and said he couldn't handle that.
He then started treating me poorly, calling me names, cheating on me, lying to me and turning everything around on me. I confronted him about it and he didn't have much to say and started treating me worse. After I didn't think it could get much worse he started threatening my life and started degrading me in front of his roommates. I then found out I was pregnant. I went to go tell him and he thought I was lying and told me to get the f out of his house and to never come back and threw my orange juice across the kitchen.
A couple months went by and I hadn't really heard from him so I thought everything was going to be okay. He was going to stay out of my life for good. Then all the sudden he started calling me again and I finally answered and he told me he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I told him no and he insisted on terminating the pregnancy and told me he would do whatever it took to make sure I terminated the pregnancy. He started threatening my life again and started calling me every vial thing you can think of. So I told him I would terminate the pregnancy but he needed to help me through the process.
The day came I was supposed to terminate the pregnancy and I purposely scheduled the appointment on a day he couldn't go with me because I knew that's not what I wanted to do. So I told him I went through with it and he looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Good, I knew what to say to you to have you get it done and I said what I had to say in order for you to go through with it so I could move on with my life, now get the f out of my house" I couldn't believe he said that to me right after he thought I just terminated the pregnancy. A week later I went to his house and told him I didn't go through with the termination of the pregnancy and I was going to let his mom know what was going on and he hung up the phone on me. I have never felt so low and defeated in all my life. I have never had anyone treat me as bad as he treated me. He complete broke me and he doesn't care at all.
He told my friend that his mom said he needed to ditch me as fast as he could and he hasn't talked to me since. While we were going through the process of talking about the pregnancy he said he broke up with the girl he cheated on me with and come to find out he never did. I do know that he told her nothing but lies about me and he probably did the same thing with his mom.
A week after he completely stopped talking to me, my grandma passed away. I just don't know how I am supposed to get back up from this. I feel completely broken in every way possible and so defeated. What am I supposed to do?
The men you have chosen take care of themselves and their needs and neither one of them thought about you and how you must be feeling and what you need.
""He couldn't handle it so he changed his phone number""? What kind of manipulative thing is this ? I was shocked when I read it.
""I told you so"" is not part of a healthy relationship, partnership. There is absolutely no empathy there.
Do you see it the way I see it? Do you see the manipulation and the egotistical behavior, self absorbed with both men?
You need to start thinking about you and your needs and take care of yourself.
You can be absolutely sure that their disappearance is good for you, but something has to change in you in order to break the pattern.
I am with you in my thoughts.
Hugs
The best thing you can do is take care of yourself.
Therapy helps to learn about ourselves and why it is that we get stuck in a pattern of starting unhealthy relationships.
Learning what we want is hard if you have spent most of your life trying to please others. Make you your number one priority. Learn about yourself, what you like, what you want and then don't settle for less.
Until that day comes. Make a list of red flag behaviors that are deal breakers for you in a relationship. Then DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS. You deserve better. My list goes something like this:
1) They attempt to isolate me from all my friends and family
2) They are hyper jealous
3) They are hyper suspicious
4) They have few friends or none (my 2nd husband)
5) They don't respect my boundaries
6) Cheating with another
7) Lying
8) Make me feel "lesser than"
9) They try to control me and/or my children
Lastly take this last experience and learn everything you can.
Like:
1. put a security code on your phone - so no one but you has access to it.
2. Use birth control or abstain from sex, until you are with someone you are sure is "Daddy" material - (A man that wants to abort his own child is not Daddy material.)
3. Get counseling to learn how to heal the scars and prevent a repeat performance.
4. Maybe take at look at material from Co Dependents Anonymous and if any of it rings true, join a face to face or on-line CODA group.
Above all take care of yourself, doubly important if you are pregnant.
(((Hugs))) and prayers.
You have a future with a great family...t ylan to have fun with your kids!