Dnt even bother. I tried this before and THEY DONT CARE!! Please dnt talk to him....u will regret it as I did. I'm sure you have told him everything before about how it is not ur fault. I know how u feel though...wanting to explain to him........I have had no contact in 11 days. It still hurts but I am not rejected everyday and dnt have anyone telling me how stupid I am

I tried to talk to mine yesterday and was told that I was being very aggressive and just HAD to escalate things. I said that he made me feel very upset by how he talks down to me to which I got

How I talk to YOU, Well YOU talk worse to me. You are aggressive and have to escalate things and I feel punched drunk by you, I have had a bad day because of YOU and then YOU have to come and have yet ANOTHER go at ME

I was very angry and told him to never speak to me again which is going to be difficult because of the children

so what good did that do, none just made me feel upset

Don't open that door back up. Its like this- someone goes to their medicine cabinet to look for a special kind of medicine. Its not there. Every single time they open that cabinet back up, expecting there to be medicine, there isn't. Eventually, it comes to the point where you have to stop opening the cabinet because you know its not going to be there. We want there to be something there, even if that "thing" is for him to understand, or to let you off a guilt trip. But, things never change, and chances are you're going to feel worse than when you started. If you do feel better, chances are he's manipulating again... If you do talk to him, just remember that no matter what he says, you left for a reason. I let my abuser sweet talk me into getting back together again a year ago... and thats when the hitting started. So just take good care of yourself and put yourself first. We're all here for you!

You can not explain anything to an abuser, nothing. why should you have to defend yourself? Have you intentionally hurt him? no that is what he does, to you. Trying to reason with or explain anything will only initiate more of the same from him, more ezxcuses for him to abuse you, more excuses for him to feel superior to you, more excuses for him to feel entitled to say and do as he pleases regardless of how much it hurts you.
Do yourself a favor and don't engage him, in other words don't waste your precious time talking to him. to do so will only lead to you getting more hurt.

i didnt even know that this thread was going to be about but my first reaction to ..how do i respond..was. Dont. that's the best way to respond. you're going to be hurt hun..trying to explain yourself..he will give you the blank stare..the i dont now what you're talking about..it's all your fault taht i act like this..i was never like this before you..meaning it's all your fault.
in case you've already tried to have this talk with him, realize..it's not your fault. dont blame yourself for trying to make sense of everything, to be understood. the reason you dont understand and are confused is because their behaviour is not logical. it can not be deciphered because their minds are sick. and dont feel sorry for him for that. he sure doesnt feel sorry for you. but i do! and i'll pray for you!! send you my love & hugs and will be here if you want to talk.
xoxo
gogo

You asked: How do I respond to this?

Honestly, You don't...It's called NO CONTACT.

I had the same mentality 6 months ago...people on here gave me the same advice. I felt I just haddddd to get it off my chest. No help...just way more pain, betrayal, and humilation.

I finally realized over the past 2 months that NO CONTACT is the best way to go. There's no point in trying to make him get it...He may not ever. Once I went no contact I was able to see things more clearly and form my own thoughts and opinions. And believe it or not my crying finally lessened. It kept him and his hurtful words out of my mind and spirit. Hope this helps.

I've already responded to your other post, so I know how it went. I just wanted to say that I agree with all the others here, but I'm so glad that you didn't fall for his bs.

Perhaps it is time, as Ignatia said, to just close the door on that medicine cabinet.

Responding to an abuser is like feeding a dangerous animal. Why would you want to do that? You can't win with an abuser, you can only walk away (and in walking away, you win your self-worth.)

Responding is just opening the door to be hurt again. My ex girlfriend called me tonight, I didn't answer. In her message, she said she wanted to talk. I am not one to be rude, so I emailed a response rather than call back. Frankly, the thought of her insulting me over the phone again makes me not want to pick the damn thing up anymore. In my email response, I was nice, and said that I am not ready to talk to her right now because I remember all those crazy intoxicated hurtful phone calls. I asked her to give me time. Her response - she just wants her jewelry back, and her dad will be in town and can pick it up. Whatever. I don't know where it is, I don't want to look, and I don't want to deal with her at ALL right now. Her jewelry is not urgent.

I hear you. I just texted him today, but am praying he doesn't respond. Really I am praying he doesn't. i wanted to get the guilt off my chest for responding so hatefully to him in the past, I know it was provoked but feel like that is no where near who I am. But I don't want him to contact me to say anything, because I know exactly what he will say. You deserved it he will say, I am glad you see how you see that this was all of your fault and how you pushed me to be mean to you. Of course they never remember how they started all fights, you just ended up yelling back and then somehow you are the instigator and the abuser. They do a good job of convincing us of that. So no dont respond, I am not going to respond should he contact me back. There is nothing he can say to make the hurt go away, I will fall back in the trap of wanting some nice words to take the pain away only to be rammed with harsher words. i dont want another dose of his cruel cruel words, nor do you. Our niceness is seen as a confirmation to their twisted thinking and you and I both know you want peace in your heart about this. He isnt seeking that kind of peace, he wants the control all over again should we engage with them one more time. They are waiting for us to open that door to them, the hurt victim they will paint themselves to be. How sad and lonely they have been since we left..... Yeah, Right!!! We are the ones soaking the pillow with our tears and crying to God, Why? Why? They have not. They know the silence kills us, so they wait for us to get "weak" and look for them. Thank God for this support group, to help any of us with these feelings. Be strong and listen to those who are offering you support. Your post helped me, know you are not alone. I am going through it with you in another part of the USA.