Sounds like you are lucky to be rid of him. You will always be the blame. It will always be your fault, and so what you finally got fed up and screamed. You are intitled.

Hey tell him to kiss this - a goodbye!

Hugs and stay strong.

"How am I responsible?"


You are responsible for your own life, your own decisions, your own direction, your own satisfaction.

Sounds like you\'ve got a pretty good bead on those.

Now keep on in the direction of your life. (That would include completing the detachment you\'ve started, by not reading his blog!)

Good luck to you.

Take good care!

Ilene

You are not responsible. Narcissists can never accept responsibility for their actions. And while I believe it takes two to make a relationship fail, if only one person is doing all the work how can it succeed?

Don\'t beat your self up and don\'t read his thoughts on his personal blog. Detach and focus on healing you.

Hugs to you...

Thank you..I am feeling a LOT better..I guess you all are right.I will never read his blog or scraps...No use.He will never accept that he was wrong.Thank you all...

You are not responsible, when these feelings come up, tell yourself - out loud if you have to - "It\'s not my fault!"

Try not to read stuff he\'s written, it\'s just hurtful, and it\'s just BS. You are witnessing a very damaged empty person trying to make something out of nothing, which is what he is. I got to the point where I was just rolling my eyes at stuff my ex wrote, but it took time and practice to be able to get to that place.

It gets better...hugs!

I can\'t wait to be there where I no longer judge myself by what he says and thinks of me.I have been so used to loking upto him to tell me if I am good enough(the answer was 99% no I am not)..Can\'t wait to just roll my eyes on stuff written by him like Calm..Hope to get there soon..

Well, the important thing is to go with what you feel. Take the time you need to grieve, get angry, cry, pamper yourself, read, think of how good life sounds without his abusive BS constantly in the background...do whatever helps you. It\'s so important, after spending so much time of only thinking of another person\'s wants and needs to take care of yourself. Only you know what feels right to you in your healing. Keep coming here for support...I can tell you these ladies are fantastic, and it\'s helped me so much!

Thank you for posting. I totally relate to what you are going through. I recently left a 5 yr abusive relationship and I\'m sure mine is saying the exact same stuff about me. Isn\'t it interesting how predictable they are? They get pissed when we leave because then they are left with their sad, sorry selves. Mine was the same as yours: never responsible for anything and full of self-righteous indignation.

Keep posting on the board - these ladies give some great feedback! The picture of your "hope" rock is great by the way.

Thanks Courage and Calm..I was so upset yest after reading all that..But after getting to see that this is another trait of an abusive person - he will never accept his mistakes but will blame you for everything, I felt a LOT better...Thanks to everyone.. :-)

You know, it could just be another form of manipulation of you - he could have planted this just to get a rise out of you.
Stay strong, keep reading, keep writing. I\'ve found it helpful to keep reminding myself of the rubbish he put me through - so on the more recently frequent occasions when I\'ve retaliated and he\'s had a go at me about it, I am under no illusion as to what he is about.
Fortunately I am able now to resist calling / reading about him etc so all I have now is trying to resist answering the phone to him. But I\'ve told him I\'ll change my number if he calls so I\'m hoping this tactic will succeed. xx

Right Max..That\'s true..This crap is for me to read and react..Also this is to make people feel sorry about him and blame me(all those who don\'t know me as those who know me know how badly dependent I was on him).I haven\'t call him and he hasn\'t too since he left India.I don\'t even feel any need to.I know how each phone call of mine used to end-making me feel worthless and undeserving..It just sad that I got to meet people like him when I was young..But each day I am growing stronger and stronger...

You are growing stronger - good for you girl!

He just smsed me from Singapore..All the crap..I love you..Miss you.."Hope with time our differences will go away and we can be in contact".I read it and felt NOTHING..It was like some sms from a stranger saying things to me...I hope these feelings are a step in the right direction...Such people never change..When you are with them you are just an extra baggage and when you decide to leave them you were invaluable..It's a never ending cycle...Just wanted to share this latest turn of events..

isha - when you said "Such people never change..When you are with them you are just an extra baggage and when you decide to leave them you were invaluable.." you are so correct!

Just got another sms from him..."I will ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER HOW CRUEL YOU ARE.."..Hahahahaha...Yes I am soooooooo CRUEL to wanna live a non abusive life...Seriously, are these abusive people so disoriented that they completely loose touch with reality or this is just another tactics to make victims like me feel bad..I am sooo over him...