Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello all. My divorce from my AH is now final. I am still waiting to hear from the bank about my refinance application to buy him out of the house. Once that is done I will have no more ties to him. We separated back in April of 2014 after his mental abuse became too much for me. There was physical abuse but it was not nearly as severe and frequent as the mental abuse. The week-long silent treatment, constant criticism, his involvement with other women, and his lack of affection eventually drove me to my breaking point last spring. From spring until the end of fall he was still trying to get me back, even though divorce papers were filed in August. He met a 23 year old who was just dumped by her fiance at the beginning of August. He is 37. They started hanging out and sleeping together while he was still trying to pursue me (sent me flowers, bought me gifts, common love bombing). This girl wanted something serious with my AH and he said he still loved me and couldnt be with her while he still had those feelings. I went No Contact in November, with only having contact when it came to the house we still owned together. Right before going No Contact my AH complained to me about this girl, saying she was too needy, had too much debt, was too young, had no career, etc, but he liked having her around bc he was lonely bc I wouldnt take him back. He and this girl became officially in a relationship at the end of December. I found out this past Friday she is 4 months pregnant. I have so many mixed feelings over this... some sadness, some anger, some relief that it is not me. Part of my sadness comes from fear that now he is this changed family man or that having a baby with another woman will make him be a good boyfriend or husband to this new woman. Then I am the one who suffered from his abuse, while another woman gets the man I always wanted him to be to me. Why cant I shake these fears? Why do I feel this way?
Remember too that abusers lie. This happy relationship and planned baby is all a show for you. There is absolutely no way of telling what's going on in their relationship from what he tells you. Because he's going to tell you whatever he thinks will get the reaction he's after. He wants you to be jealous, upset, hurt and if at all possible, running back to him. A while ago, that meant telling you how awful she is and how much better he was with you. That didn't work, so he's trying another tack with how wonderful she is and how much better he is with her.
It's all smoke and mirrors designed not to impart information but to elicit a response.
Hope this makes you feel better. It was hard that he wrecked my life and treated me so terribly in the end, however there is no way I would ever want to change places with the new one!