Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have just begun a relationship with a woman who was married to an abuser for 22 years. She is so deferential, self-effacing, and always apologizing for things that in no way could be her responsibility.
I am not her first relationship after her divorce but she tells me she has not had "any luck" finding nice guys. None of her half dozen previous partners were ever considerate of her needs in the bedroom whereas I think she's falling for me based mostly on our love making.
I have had issues with being controlling and emotionally abusive in the past and while I like to think I've grown beyond it due to having been on the other end of it with an abusive woman I am so afraid that my new lady's attitude is going to draw me back in to being controlling.
How can I help her be more assertive about her feelings and desires and less subservient? Is it even possible? A couple times I've pointed out this sort of behavior and she said "When you lived with always being wrong for 22 years it's hard to get over."
I did suggest this support group to her but she doesn't seem too interested in it. I was very honest with her about my past behavior and her response was "If you treat me that way, I'm gone." but all of us here know that control can be very subtle and insidious.
I know that avoiding this behavior on my part is completely my responsibility and that I have my own issues to address in many areas. Please take the "I do promise to be nice" on the reply page seriously and confine your responses to how I can help her.
I am not her first relationship after her divorce but she tells me she has not had "any luck" finding nice guys. None of her half dozen previous partners were ever considerate of her needs in the bedroom whereas I think she's falling for me based mostly on our love making.
I have had issues with being controlling and emotionally abusive in the past and while I like to think I've grown beyond it due to having been on the other end of it with an abusive woman I am so afraid that my new lady's attitude is going to draw me back in to being controlling.
How can I help her be more assertive about her feelings and desires and less subservient? Is it even possible? A couple times I've pointed out this sort of behavior and she said "When you lived with always being wrong for 22 years it's hard to get over."
I did suggest this support group to her but she doesn't seem too interested in it. I was very honest with her about my past behavior and her response was "If you treat me that way, I'm gone." but all of us here know that control can be very subtle and insidious.
I know that avoiding this behavior on my part is completely my responsibility and that I have my own issues to address in many areas. Please take the "I do promise to be nice" on the reply page seriously and confine your responses to how I can help her.
deleted_user
allow her to make choices in your relationship this will be weird for her but say it's your pick for dinner tonight. build her confidence. no matter what she looks like remind her she's beautiful. you can't make her love herself and she must before she can love you. also try to work on your own triggers and make sure they will not be an issue in the relationship, dicuss them with her. allow her to discuss her feelings on divorce and relationships. communication is key good luck
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