Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am really, really struggling to relax and be myself around my H. He has told me so many times over the past 20 years that I am crazy, dysfunctional, don't communicate enough, don't communicate the right way when I do try to talk to him, on and on, the list of things that I am not and do wrong is HUGE. Whenever I am near him I feel anxious, maybe I am not saying enough, doing enough....I know for sure that not 2 weeks can go by without him blowing up at me about something.
I feel like my brain has been kidnapped and held to ransom. My every though revolves around what he might be thinking, what I should be doing to appease him...I feel so crazy that I can't simply be myself and not have that questioned, analyzed and found wanting.
What can i do to set my mind and soul free from this torture. I want to own my thoughts again, not have them constantly revolving in orbit around him and his opinion of me. Any ideas?
I feel like my brain has been kidnapped and held to ransom. My every though revolves around what he might be thinking, what I should be doing to appease him...I feel so crazy that I can't simply be myself and not have that questioned, analyzed and found wanting.
What can i do to set my mind and soul free from this torture. I want to own my thoughts again, not have them constantly revolving in orbit around him and his opinion of me. Any ideas?
but you body, soul and spirit
have been kidnapped and
are being held hostage.
Frankly, Hon ---- I have only
one real cure. It's possible
you may not want to hear my
cure. That cure is, escape.
Remaining within the control
of an abuser presents few
options for self-possession.
For me, once I'd made the decision
to escape, and began getting my
ducks in a row to do that, I was
much more able to detach from his
attempts at control and crazymaking.
And then every step away, made me
ever free-er from the impact of abuse.
My only other suggestion is meticulous
SELF-CARE.
I hope you'll practice the very best
self-care that you're able, no matter
what your decision or where you
end up.
Hugs and healing thoughts.
Start by going out more and develop your own interests such as going to the gym to feel better in yourself. when your life is fuller you will have less time to obsess and you will have more positive people to be around
I agree that escape is the only true cure, but you can start by learning detachment.
I found that once I stopped listening and talking to my emotionally abusive H I felt better and started healing.
You know, in the beginning I tried to listen to his feelings and ask him about them, validate them. I tried to find solutions where he could ask me for what he wanted.
It was all pointless-- talking about his "feelings" became a monologue invented with the purpose of emotionally abusing me and controlling me. Unfortunately, the only way to escape this is to stop engaging in conversation with him and eventually to leave (or leave first if you can).
You deserve a life. What you're describing isn't fair. You are an adult and you have the right to think what you think, feel what you feel, and choose to do what you choose--because you choose it. He doesn't have the right to control you, but he will probably never accept that.
What kind of partner would take another person's spirit ransom and try to squelch their freedom of choice?--especially a person who was only guilty of trying to love and please them? Not someone who you need to be around.