Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi friends....
before i say whats happened i just want to say im doing good.. healing really well and im managing on my own well too....
im almost 1 year out and i never thought i would get this far.. but i am...
In 2001 after 9/11 we lost my grandmother because the whole thing frightened her and she didnt want to have to live through her 3rd war... i think she had some sort of premonition.. but she went downhill in 1 month... she went from a very lively and active 90 yrs old to a very old scared woman in just over 30 days... she died on the 14 th oct that year..
My grandmother was like my mum... she brought me up along with my uncle who was my mums brother... i was very close to my uncle he was like a big brother... best friend.... he was always there for me...
He couldnt live without his mum , my grandmother , so he took his own life 4 months later in the February 2002...
just before this happened he called me on the 24th feb ... told me he wanted to see me... i went... knowing the bad state of mind he was in.... he basically asked my permission to end his life... i stupidly said yes because i didnt think he would do it...
i found him on the 27th...
my mum and dad have always hated him for what he did and im never allowed to mention his name in thier house... even though he was mums brother and he did so much for them when mum was sick and he looked after me week after week....
Anyway it taken me a good 12 years to come to terms with whats happened... and god i miss him so much....
its taken the same amount of time in therapy and counselling and 3 nervous breakdowns to get through it... yeah i know ive had my husband to deal with but the pain of losing my uncle i just cannot describe to you....
anyway - it is now 2014... my mum and dad are getting older now... in thier 70s.... have a lovely home... most of which my uncle whos not allowed to be mentioned did up for them lol...
They have been talking to me a lot and want me to have the house...when they are gone...... they owe some of the paid off mortgage to equity but i know i will get that when my divorce comes through... so basically as long as i pay it off... my childhoold home will be mine...
they have talking to me about this a lot over the last 2 weeks to make sure they know im going to be okay....
and then they dropped the 'but ' ...........
When my dad was running me home he VERY CASUALLY talked me about them BOTH ending thier lives immeadialtey if something happened to either one of them....
AFTER EVERYTHING ive been through with the uncle whos not allowed to be mentioned...
i am an only child and everything always seems to fall on my shoulders... i just cannot get my head around the fact that they would PUT this on me after everything i have been through with my uncle.... whos not allowed to be mentioned....
am i being over sensitive or is this just plain cruel and manipulative?
before i say whats happened i just want to say im doing good.. healing really well and im managing on my own well too....
im almost 1 year out and i never thought i would get this far.. but i am...
In 2001 after 9/11 we lost my grandmother because the whole thing frightened her and she didnt want to have to live through her 3rd war... i think she had some sort of premonition.. but she went downhill in 1 month... she went from a very lively and active 90 yrs old to a very old scared woman in just over 30 days... she died on the 14 th oct that year..
My grandmother was like my mum... she brought me up along with my uncle who was my mums brother... i was very close to my uncle he was like a big brother... best friend.... he was always there for me...
He couldnt live without his mum , my grandmother , so he took his own life 4 months later in the February 2002...
just before this happened he called me on the 24th feb ... told me he wanted to see me... i went... knowing the bad state of mind he was in.... he basically asked my permission to end his life... i stupidly said yes because i didnt think he would do it...
i found him on the 27th...
my mum and dad have always hated him for what he did and im never allowed to mention his name in thier house... even though he was mums brother and he did so much for them when mum was sick and he looked after me week after week....
Anyway it taken me a good 12 years to come to terms with whats happened... and god i miss him so much....
its taken the same amount of time in therapy and counselling and 3 nervous breakdowns to get through it... yeah i know ive had my husband to deal with but the pain of losing my uncle i just cannot describe to you....
anyway - it is now 2014... my mum and dad are getting older now... in thier 70s.... have a lovely home... most of which my uncle whos not allowed to be mentioned did up for them lol...
They have been talking to me a lot and want me to have the house...when they are gone...... they owe some of the paid off mortgage to equity but i know i will get that when my divorce comes through... so basically as long as i pay it off... my childhoold home will be mine...
they have talking to me about this a lot over the last 2 weeks to make sure they know im going to be okay....
and then they dropped the 'but ' ...........
When my dad was running me home he VERY CASUALLY talked me about them BOTH ending thier lives immeadialtey if something happened to either one of them....
AFTER EVERYTHING ive been through with the uncle whos not allowed to be mentioned...
i am an only child and everything always seems to fall on my shoulders... i just cannot get my head around the fact that they would PUT this on me after everything i have been through with my uncle.... whos not allowed to be mentioned....
am i being over sensitive or is this just plain cruel and manipulative?
i have been taking care of them for the past 15 years due to thier health problems..... as well as dealing with my 20 year abusive marriage...
i have been diagnosed with M.E. and PTSD... social anxiety disorder and GAD... im not in the best of health myself.
Oh my dad made it quite clear that hes planned this...
i understand them not wanting to be without the other but to tell me !!! after me being so greif stricken with my uncle and them seeing what it did to me...
i actually said to him.... its so selfish and he replied i know !!
i have been trying for the past 2 years to get them some help but they refuse it... when i get someone to come to thier house to talk to them they wont let them in...
i just dont know what to do or how to take this latest news...
i think its damn selfish on ME !!!
First, I don't think you're being cruel or insensitive. I don't know if this will help, but I believe that each of us here on this earth is on our own individual journey and no one is responsible for another person's actions or lack thereof.
It is understandable that someone who is close to another doesn't want to be without them. BUT, IMHO, when one goes so far as to say they would commit suicide if the other dies, that is extremely codependent. The majority survive the death of a spouse by grieving and slowly moving on with their lives. If asked, I think most people would say they would want the surviving spouse to live their life to the fullest, even if they were no longer there to share it with them. That would be a healthy way to look at loss due to death.
You said in your last comment that you think it's damn selfish of you. I disagree, I think taking care of YOURSELF is self-CARING!
Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING you do or say will in any way make you responsible for the choices you make. I respect you for speaking your mind.
What they are doing is inviting you to be stressed and worried about what they said. They are also putting a huge burden on your shoulders as you will be the one left to handle all of their affairs.
Not only that, they are WANTING you to find one of them dead from suicide, just like you found your brother! That is just down right CRUEL & INSENSITIVE & SELFISH of them!
If it were me, I'd probably tell them I wished they wouldn't do it. I'd also ask them to put all their affairs (wills, trusts, living wills, funeral arrangements, etc.) in order so as to not leave you a big mess to clean up. And then hope for the best because you can't control them unless you have them declared incompetent.
Is that selfish of you? NO, absolutely NOT! Will they think it is? Probably. But that's their problem. You take care of you and try not to worry about what they may or may not do.
Big hugs to you....
my true colours... thank you so much for your lengthy reply...
i think i meant to say its selfish ON me to have to deal with it... they are selfish for putting it on me.... but yeah codependant is right... along with a few mental health issues... i mean who would say that to a family with a history of suicide !!!