Thank you to everyone! They arrested him today at work. Apparently he was cooperative and admitted blame. I think the arresting officer, whom I had I worked with through this whole process, even felt badly for him! I signed the protective order and his bail hearing will probably be today. My work knows and is incredibly supportive.

I'm scared to deal with the next few days, but being here has been so helpful.

I know this is hard, but he is responsible for what is happening it him. Please do whatever you need to do to take good care of yourself. We are here for you.

Thank you. I no longer feel guilty (epiphany!), but I am really nervous I am going to get painted in a bad light and he will get a slap on the wrist. Two first degree and one third degree charge... I really want justice to be served, but he's a small guy and is so easy going and polite that he seems incapable of this violence. At least, that's how I'm afraid it will be seen.

You said the injuries he inflicted on you were documented, right? He also admitted guilt when arrested. Even if he tries changing his story later he's still probably going to face justice.

One of the reasons lawyers often tell their client to keep their mouth shut and not speak to police without their ok is because, like they say un the Miranda Rights, "anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law".

He admitted his guilt to the arresting officers and the injuries he inflicted on you were documented, and on top of that society has a strong bias against men in domestic violence/abuse cases, so it's probably going to be exceptionally hard for him to paint you in a bad light. And even if he tries to he'll still be the one who looks like a dangerous menace who's just saying things to try to save face.

Sleepy Walrus: yes, the injuries from the attack I wrote my statement about were documented. I also showed the officer I spoke with photographs I had taken after prior incidents. I actually think he is going to fully admit guilt, which almost frustrates me because he has only ONCE shown remorse, and that was because I was pregnant (he beat me later when I was pregnant though. I'm no longer pregnant.) I am afraid he will put on a perfect act and get a slap on the wrist. He is very immature and probably very upset because of the situation he is in. I can see him making his remorse for his situation look like remorse for what he has done.

His coworker already took the initiative to unfriend me from Facebook. While that's such a minor detail, it shows me that already he is doing what he can to turn people against me. Luckily, I have most of our mutual acquaintances on "my side," but it's upsetting that anyone but his family would take his.

Sorry if my writing is a bit scattered. I'm very overwhelmed. My work is being so supportive and I count my blessings about that. They basically told me to take whatever "work from home" days I need to and are going to be flexible with the hearing tomorrow and all future hearings.

He IS a dangerous menace, and I hope he gets what he deserves. I personally hope they throw the book at him. I am SO glad you're not feeling the same kind of guilt-it's good to drop that bag of bricks. So if you don't feel guilty anymore, stand in your truth-who cares what people think? Easier said than done, I get that totally, and there's an injustice about people believing lies or minimizing abuse that is very disheartening. People don't like to face the truths of the kinds of things you've been going through-that has to do with them-not with you.

110% what can't said.

Yes, it's possible he may get a slap on the wrist. Mine did, twice. Because he showed remorse. But he also didn't actually hit me after the first time. He controlled himself because he knew he got a slap on the wrist and if he did the same again, he would get worse. More importantly for me, in just making the reports, I took back my power. I wasn't meek any more, I wasn't accepting what he did to me and how he treated me any more.

That said, it was all INCREDIBLY hard at the time. I didn't feel then as I do now, I can now look back with hindsight and see these things. I hope that you will also be able to do so and feel the sense of peace with what happened that I now do. In the meantime, just stay safe, accept the wonderful support you are getting, and try to just dust off those who will believe his lies. There will always be some.

Cant7deal, I am keeping your final statement in mind as a sort of mantra for when I encounter that situation. Livndadrem, it is so helpful to hear the story of someone who struggled with the same sort of emotions I have and came out stronger on the other side.

We had the bail hearing (we didn't see each other, but I could hear him). He started out polite but got ever so slightly agitated and said a few things in a way that was clearly meant to hurt me. The trial is not going to be for a few weeks so I'm going to try to remove myself as far as I can from my emotions before then. I was surprised at how little his words and voice impacted me today. There's hope for me yet!

Good to hear that you could steel yourself against his words.

Remember too that judges see liars in court every day. They are (for the most part) very good at spotting them. My ex actually accused me of colluding with the judge, because he just couldn't figure out how else the judge just didn't believe his lies - now matter how ridiculous. But he didn't. Didn't believe a word he said.

It will be a very long and difficult process. I would recommend keeping in contact with the advocate. My rape case is taking a very long time. It has been almost a year so far. You will most likely go to a preliminary hearing next. Then he will have to attend a criminal call. Then if a plea deal is not taken it will go to trial.