Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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he ruined my birthday

michellelgrd
michellelgrd
so my birthday was Friday. i wake up at 530 to go to work and the first words out of his mouth were "turn the fckn light off!!". i get to work he calls me about 1045 sounding like he just woke up and says"happy birthday" in his still sleep agitated voice. i get home he asked me what i want him to cook and says well go clean the kitchen wash the pot and cut up the seasoning while i go to the store. this was around 5 oclock. he gets home from "the store" at 830!!! cooks, eats and goes and lays down. Happy Fckn Bday to me. the next day my mom wanted to take me shopping..this was important to me for 2 reasons, one i never get any "me" time from him or the 3 kids, ever!!! and second i always put everyone's needs in front of my own. well that morning i got up cleaned up the house and cooked breakfast. around 1030 i woke him up and told him i made breakfast and that my mom would be there shortly to go shopping. he starts with "why u have to go today? that's when the attitude began. the breakfast was not good enough for him in fact i believe his words were if you don't know how to make it then don't even attempt it. then he says " you must be taking the baby with you because I'm not watching them all. the baby is 7 months old and it as 100+ degrees that day. so i was like i wasn't planning on bringing any of them. so i called his mom to watch them she said yes. he says no my mom is not watching them, so my mom gets there and i tell her whats going on and she was just like ok we will take them no big deal. then he says my son can't go to leave him there. my son is 2. then he says my other daughter isnt going either, probably because he wanted her to watch my son so he wouldn't have to do anything. needless to say i took both girls with us while his mom is chasing us down the driveway telling me to leave them both there that is to hot for the baby and my oldest hair wasnt fixed. needless to say i didn't feel like shopping after that and my day with my mom that i had been looking forward to was ruined. i would like opinions on if other people think i am over reacting or if he was just an out right asshole, because of course to him i am being a drama queen and i started shit by not wanting to take the baby
Posted on 08/25/14, 09:37 am
IleneW
IleneW
I'm so sorry this is
what you're going
through.

You are NOT over-reacting.

You are being abused.

Here's the number
for the women's coalition
in your state:

(225) 752-1296

Please call them ASAP.

And please take good
care of yourself.

Sending you hugs
and healing wishes.
gem111
gem111
I feel his only goal with all of that nonsense was to spoil your day of shopping.
Mission accomplished He got exactly what he wanted.
NO you are not over reacting.
If it were me, if I lived with this selfish jerk, I would either leave,
or next time I was going shopping with my Mom, I would arrange a place for the kids a day or 2 ahead of time, and you could yell at him going out the door you are going with your Mom. I would not bother with breakfast because it wouldn't be good enough for him and last but most important, don't tell him ahead of time, that you are going with your Mom, that gives him too much power to try and ruin your day.
I don't know if you dare to leave without telling him. This would depend on how mad he would get.
If it were me, I wouldn't tell him much of anything, he will just use it against you or try and ruin plans for you.
This is not a fun way to live your life.
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
UGH what an ASS! I agree with Gem & Ilene. He is just trying to get you to do what he wants and, like Gem said, it seems like his ultimate goal was, in fact, to ruin the time you want to spend with your mom. Believe me, I am going through the isolation from family thing with my abuser. My fiance will literally do anything to prevent me from seeing my mother, including purposely break down the car so I can't drive it, steal my driver's lisence so i can't leave, and send nasty texts to my mom from me so we'd fight. Your abuser is doing the same thing and trying all sorts of way to get you to do exactly what he wants- the trick is not to fall for it. It seems like you're beginning to realize he is abusive, which is a good sign. Now, the hardest part is not giving in. Abusers will do all sorts of things to get you to do what they want- mine writes suicide notes and makes me feel guilty. It sounds like yours berates you, yells at you, and demands. Either way, it's a tactic. Every abuser has there own thing designed to control you. I am so sorry you are in this situation and taking care of a violent partner and children cannot be easy. I wouldn't know what to do if my partner and I had kids! Please consider calling the number Ilene gave you. Lots of loves and hugs for you hon!
kris7167
kris7167
Ruining special days, especially your birthday, is an abuser's exquisite joy.

I am really sorry he did this to you. I hope you find a way out. Hugs.
IleneW
IleneW
An abuser will
specifically attack
exactly what he/she
knows means the
most to you.
michellelgrd
michellelgrd
well that explains his hatred for my mother!! i never did understand his hate for her she hasn't done anything to him. he drives him crazy when she buys things for me or the kids because he says she thinks i cant provide for my own family.
gigglemon
gigglemon
The best defense is make plans that don't include him. And don't inform him til the last possible moment. His mom was willing. He didn't need to be included. I know at the time its all chaos and drama but planning ahead will be ur best friend. He will get worse. Bet on it. As you become more independent he will throw more fits and escalate the abuse. Brace urself! Prepare a safety plan. Start putting ur needs first sometimes. Have you ever been on an airplane? Know those airthings and how the flight attendant says put ur own on before u help someone else? There's a reason for that. You have to take care of yourself or ur no good to take care of others. Selfcare isn't selfish.... its vital.
Warm hugs
gigglemon
gigglemon
Oh and happy birthday :)
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