Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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freedomatlonglast 10/17/2013

I am sorry I haven't been around to post much lately... I have been consumed with work and trying to put my life back together. It had been decidely more difficult this time around, even though my split with him in February was the worst it has ever been.

I feel like I have sunk into this depression I can't get my way out of... It is deeper than medication. I am on some, and honestly it doesn't seem to help with the pain of what he did to me, the loss of the dream I had that things would finally get better... And we could finally be a happy family.

I just saw someone I haven't seen in a while, and of course they ask about my ex... Later, we talking about parenting, and I flashed back to my ex and I... And how we actually were trying to conceive a child at one point. And i cpuld just feel the tears well up in my eyes.

Now I am all alone, and all I can think about is that my birthday is next week. I am about to be 35, with no child or husband- no one on the horizon, working a job I have grown out of... And living with regrets of what I should have done.

He hasn't contacted me, or even tried to (that I know of)... He is blocked onmy phone. And I just feel so utterly replaceable!

Where is the man who promised the world to me? Who swore on his daughter's life (something he has never done before) that I was the love of his life?

Where is my apology?

Why isn't he crawling back to me on his knees?

I hate the things he did to me, the way he made me feel... And in some f'ed up way, I feel like he is still doing them- stonewalling me and shutting me out- even though I was the one who walked away! Please excuse the language... it just expresses how I feel the best right now!

RockinBunny 10/17/2013

I am so sorry :( Many of the things you say here, I am feeling exactly right now. I am on homeopathic medicine to try and help with my grief symptoms (wrote about that in an earlier post). A lot of the time it feels like it might be working, but it doesn't erase everything, like you say. And there are moments when I just think, ugh - need something 100 times stronger!

The only things I can suggest are keep him blocked for obvious reasons, keep taking your meds, and keep venting on here - that's what we are here for. (((Hugs)))

Sucks. Unbelievably. But I get it... :( xx

FarAndAway 10/17/2013

I'm sorry that you are feeling badly. I can imagine how bad it feels, especially when you were trying to start a family with him. I started a family with my exH when I was 33. I was already not feeling so good with him in the relationship, but felt like I was too old to find anyone else, so I took the plunge anyway. It was a huge mistake, epic proportions. And when I look back now I think, omg, I thought I was old??? Trust in yourself that you made the right decision. Having a family with him would only have prolonged the nightmare a couple of decades and drug innocent children into the picture. You are so NOT old, even for having kids! You have time to rebuild your life and find someone more suitable to be a father to your precious kids. Really. You do. Somebody nice and decent. You deserve that. And so do your kids. Take good care of yourself and have faith in your future!

deleted_user 10/17/2013

My two youngest children were born when I was in my late thirties. So if you want them, it is still possible... but first take time to heal from this terrible relationship and you will learn from your mistake, not to get together with another man that will hurt you.

I'm also in recovery...

deleted_user 10/17/2013

In recovery - from a bad relationship... not from drugs!!

I didn't meet him until I was 53 years old... seven years with a verbal abuser. I've been out of that situation three months now.

Even though I'm older than many of you, I'm still in much pain. But each passing week gets better.

1seekingpeace 10/17/2013

I can certainly relate to your feeling, I have also felt the same way, especially about the lost dreams. I have lost so much, and we too were talking about getting married, and having a child. I wanted another child so badly, I shouldn't be greedy though, I have two beautiful children... I was just looking forward to the family unit, the marriage and raising a child with my husband, as I have been a single parent of my kids. I just turned 40, so I think I am definitely not going to have that dream now.. And that is one thing he had thrown I. My face, how he and the new gf who is also 40 was going to get pregnant right away.. That will be something that will crush me if they do, but maybe if I'm lucky I won't find out if I they do. I'm trying very hard now to focus on what I can do, and make new dreams that are obtainable... You though, still have time to find someone that treats you well, and loves you, and then start that family. I hope your sadness goes away, and that you can heal and find that person!

deleted_user 10/17/2013

I am so sorry. It sucks to feel so easily replaced or shut out...even if you were the one who had to walk away. That doesn't make it any easier. Sending hugs.

deleted_user 10/18/2013

First just let me say, 35 is young! You still have plenty of time! Yes, even still time for a baby if that is what you really want. You have plenty of good years left and you can do anything you want with them.

So this man didn't appreciate you. He is an abuser, yes? Abusers don't appreciate ANYBODY except themselves. They are fundamentally incapable of it.

He can only keep hurting you as long as you keep caring about what he thinks and feels.

Yes, you lost some big dreams of having a happy life with this man. You have to grieve the loss of those dreams. It's a phase you have to go through, but it won't last forever.

I hope you feel better soon.

serenitystar 10/18/2013

Well you've made it this far and done so well. I think that deserves some recognition. It is so painful to move forward, while we may know it's the right thing to do, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Of course it hurts. The loss of so many things is valid and should be mourned. I do think having new dreams is a good idea.

I don't think abusers are ever apologetic, I still haven't seen one after a year. It just shows they have no conscious.

Livndadrem 10/18/2013

I've been there. And now, frankly, if he crawled over broken glass on his knees, I'd see his face as being in a perfect spot to kick it and see how HE feels. :-)

I don't actually wish him harm, I'd never try to hurt him, but no is there anything he could possibly do to get me to have even a little trust in him again, after he so thoroughly shattered my trust, so many times.

The other thing is ... when I was your age, I was in my 2nd abusive relationship. I didn't have my beautiful baby boy (now nearly 6) until I was a couple of months shy of my 40th birthday. I hadn't done the work you're now doing so, unfortunately, I was in my 3rd abusive relationship - the worst of the lot - and am now a single mother. But you ARE doing the work, which means there is still a real chance for you to have a baby with someone who actually cares for you and will respect you and the child.

Life isn't over. It's fine (and even sensible) to be angry and sad about all the stuff he took from you, all the dreams he built only to shatter them. But life isn't over - there's time for new dreams, or even for similar dreams with someone with whom you can actually achieve them.

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