And this morning, I get a picture of my son sleeping in his bed posted to facebook, with the caption "My son. He is the reason I'm still breathing today, and he's so worth it."

And my mother posts an article commenting how yes, a husband is supposed to be the leader of the family, but being a leader actually means getting the opinion of and doing what your family wants you to do.

It's not easy, allowing myself to be this angry while I'm at work.

Oh Bax - I'm so sorry. Facebook is pure evil!! People post to get attention. She's all about the drama.

Am I understanding your mom's comment as a dig towards you?? I'm so sorry she's not supportive. What we need most when dealing with this kind of abuse is supportive from friends and family.

Please know you have that support here :)

Stay off Facebook, so as not to get yourself agitated. It's not worth it.

Sending strength and hugs,

Wow. I will agree, stay off Facebook, if possible. People use it all the time to make others feel like crap.

I noticed you said your wife is in DBT therapy. Wow. That's normally only given to those with BPD. Has she been diagnosed as such? I'm curious to hear whether it has any positive affect. My girlfriend wants to get into DBT therapy again, and I think this is a boundary I need to set if I am to stay with her. She went through DBT years ago, and that helped with her substance abuse and suicide attempts, but just barely. I wonder what the effect would be if she went through it again.

Eh, to be fair, it's not Facebook - my wife, mother, and sister are the same way in real life. Toxicity will out, no matter the channel of communication. I recognize that my mother is firmly in the camp of 'he just isn't happy here, and if he were, there would be no problem' and my sister is seriously lost in cukoo land. I can almost literally see her take my choices and lifestyle decisions as personal attacks on her, and she honestly thinks forcing me to admit it's all my fault will not only fix the problem, but is an example of love, care, and compassion on her part. Toxic, toxic, toxic.

I am proud of you for being strong! Baby steps are better than no steps in the right direction.

Bax, I am so sorry for what you are enduring and I second Boo's sentiments. Stay strong.

I am so very proud of you too, Bax.
I know it is so hard and it takes so long to endure the torture, but it WILL get better.
Stay strong, you will make it through.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

That kind of toxcity has dramatically contributed to my introversion. My sister is all about how it affects her. She dislikes my husband when I wont go all day shopping so I can be home when he gets home. When he fixes her stuff hes not so bad. And of course I'm not innocent of meanness grrrrrr
Keep up ur strength

Bax, You speak Shakespeare I bet! You express yourself very well. You used the phrase "take umbrage." I figured that you would appreciate someone noticing!

Felicitations and respectful salutations, goodly sir on taking back control of your purse!

Your eye, sweet miss, is true; I do posess
Knowledge of the bard. Many the lengthy
Hours I did pour o'er the dusty tomes,
And put weighty words to task - exploring,
Explaining, matching wits with the text.
I do thank thee for noting bits of flair;
Sesquipedalians are somewhat rare.
It is nice to meet one.

I imagine that in this big deep booming voice just so you know

LOL!! Good one, giggle :) And good work TG and Bax!

My personal favourite use of Shakespearian-style language has to be from the film '10 Things I Hate About You' based on The Taming of the Shrew:

"The sh*t hath hitteth the fan..."

Wow Bax, I've been off here a few days so I missed the huge step you took and am just catching up.

I was going to say I'm proud of you but really your strength doesn't surprise me. As long as I've been here I've always seen that strength in you to take charge of your life and circumstances.

As I write this that's what strikes me. I have seen in my walk with God how he has been able to use my circumstances to grow me in my weak spots. When I hear of the specific things you mentioned in just this post that's what comes to mind.

I may be off here but I wonder if your wife sees how you are growing and her destructive jab in therapy was a way of knocking you off balance. When you are weaker she doesn't have to work as hard to control you. It seems significant that she chose to say this without the counselors present. If she was truly concerned wouldn't she want the counselor involved? Just seems to me she was showing her hand a bit too much, which isn't surprising when she had limits placed on her.

Then the complete invalidation of your mom, no less. Really???? It strikes me that though you are at a vulnerable point you were strong enough to recognize the toxicity (perfect word choice) and not allow her insensitivity to undermine your effort at moving forward.

Whenever you are forced to deal with this lack of support at best and intentionally cruel at worst kind of behavior a person has the need to keep reaffirming their position and themselves, which is exactly what you're doing. You are being forced to enter an emotional gym but it is making you stronger because of how you're handling it.

You ARE being a good leader of the family by not allowing destructive behavior to continue. Limits are loving. A child may not like being told no cookies for breakfast or they can't play in the street but this is what a loving parent does to set them up for success in the future in the real world. At least with the finances you are the parent as I see it. You may be peers age wise but not on the same level of self discipline.

As scripture says continue to do good and if you do not give up you will reap a harvest.

I admire your strength!!!

Sesquipedalians is a word, Goodly Master, I have not seen before. I can ascertain it's meaning from the subject matter of your noble discourse, but I crave an actual definition, if you please.

And I must admit, that using the English like an Englishwoman is a delight to me!

I feel like landed gentry!

Honor, I'll admit I took a lot of strength and comfort from the scripture here. I looked at the scripture's approach, not only to being a husband, but the responsibilities of stewardship, and what happens to the bad steward. God's preference in the matter was pretty clear to me. It flummoxed me when my wife and the councellor were so taken aback by the fact that I didn't discuss it first. Discuss what? It's my money, she's done a poor job of managing it for years, I was wrong to simply allow her to fail without consequence, and I took the responsibility back. I feel strong just saying that :)

And Tantric, sesquipedalian means 'a long word or person who uses big words.' And I adore the fact that it describes itself:)