Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have a question about gaslighting and related tactics that an abuser uses to keep you in a state of confusion. I have been separated from stbx for more than two months and in that time I have read half a dozen books, articles online, forums like this one, and been going to a trauma therapist. Intellectually I know all the different tactics and tricks that he has and will use on me but it STILL gets to me in the moment. I would go NC but I can't while we're hashing out a custody agreement. Every little ounce of contact I have with him throws me off balance. He's either calm and sweet when it doesn't make sense or he's raging and threatening, or applying subtle guilt trips. Usually after I share the conversation with a friend or my mom, the game becomes clear to me once again because I see through their eyes how insane he is acting. My question is whether there's anyway to become immune to the gaslighting and confusing behavior? It always either throws me off balance or makes me lose my temper. I wish I knew how to spot his crap more quickly and not let it enter my brain at all.
Remember.. You are not crazy. This is what they do. The abusers. They are amazing at it! If only they would use their powers for good :(
Over time and with minimal voice or in person contact, you will rebuild your inner strength. You will find your confidence and stand on your own. You will get pinged from time to time with his manipulating ways but you will see it for what it is and bounce back quicker.
Therapy was super helpful for me during this process. I still go for tune ups twice a month ;)
But you will look back and see just how far you have come. Keep moving forward. Focus your energy on you and your kids.
We're here for you xoxo
You have taken a huge corageous step in a divorce - especially from an abusive person - which makes the process even harder. Don't second guess yourself. You are an amazingly strong woman.